Welcome to another installment of glittered clavicles, where the acrylic nails are waving all up in our bidness! Let’s get to the roundup – and no, I do not mean “The Roundup” of RHOD fame! Focus people, minds out of the gutters!
- Prostitution Moratorium – Marlo “check my charges” Hampton is tired of being called a whore ladies and gents! If she is to be called a prostitute, she wants receipts damn it! OHAC asks what her actual job is, it’s basically dating wealthy men who pay her bills and running an Etsy site where they sell SBS lifestyle joggers. The IRS Standard Occupational Classification would be “service industry”. The ladies finally agree to not call each other prostitutes unless they have hard-n-fast proof. Pun intended!
- Rape-Gate No More – Porsha and Kandi have a moment where they agree that drug-n-rape-gate shall never darken their doorway again. Porsha tries round 8 of her apology and has finally refined her process. Kandi agrees to let it go in the interest of not breathing any more life into it. They agree to shake on it, 50-Cynt pushes for a “hug it out” moment, but let’s not get nuts!
- Hang on to your Wigs-n-Cigs – Wigs and her entourage of one (dejected former NFL bench-warmer Kroy) are in the building. He has even brought a full cooler of drinks, I love how he blends the football tail-gating tradition with his wifey’s half-ass career. This fucken’ guy is incredible… Kroy of all trades – trusty assistant / chauffeur / stylist / bell-boy / bartender / baby-sitter / wig-master! Showing where her loyalty lies, SBS slides behind the makeshift curtain to warn Wigs what she’s about to walk into. This was SBS first tactical error this season, hitching her lifestyle wagon to this shit-show person.
- Will-I-Am-An-Opportunist – Oh 50-Cynt, good thing you are strikingly gorgeous, otherwise I would throttle you in the neck with an open fist through my television. Eva joins the group and they re-hash Will-gate, but 50-Cynt still believes Will was single when they met. Eva knows what she saw and was introduced to Will’s “girlfriend” about 24 hours before 50-Cynt’s Tinder date. Eva has no time for this messiness, she’s about to go into labor. Alert to 50-Cynt, your showmance is showing! She is no longer seeing Will and a new dark chocolate selection in her candy dish.
- End-Game – Wigs waddles out with her red Solo cup, as Kroy gives her the push-off from back stage, he breaks the fourth wall – “she’s hot, right?” As if he’s trying to convince himself. Yes Kroy – ya’ done good! Ya’ strapped the ol’ broad into her spanx within an inch of her life, and stuffed her in that Forever 21 spandex dress as if she were stuffed sausage! #LifeGoals! There’s a lot of chatter back and forth, but I just want to hit on the highlights that made this last hour worth it – Wigs is called out talking crap about 50-Cynt and Nene, she denies it and then the Bravo Intern rolls the effing tape. OHAC compares Wigs’ pivoting ways to Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Wigs has no clue who that is.
OHAC asks Wigs “what’s the end game with the lips?” To look like a baboon’s, swollen, irritated asshole – #LifeGoalsCrushed!
Photo Cred: thegoodthebadandthefake – Thank you for THIS!
Next week is Only. Part. Three. Of. These. Unstable. Slut-Tards. The women go hard at Wigs and she walks out.