It’s the conclusion of the RHNJ reunion and I don’t know about y’all, but this season has left me exhausted and bereft. If one thing is clear, Tre does not have a solid command of the English language, she can’t even do “air quotes” correctly, and Jacs is a lamb in a wolf’s discounted clothing! Let’s round up the low-lights and move on with our lives, shall we?
- Who called the IRS?
Tre backpedals a bit on her assertion that Jacs had the FEDs on speed dial and, hold the mortadella… Chris Laurita has emerged from the snack table to set the record straight! Apparently, Juicy Joe had some bidness deal gone bad with someone who threatened to turn him in. Chris happened to know this person and attempted to facilitate some sort of “meeting of the mind” to hash it out, but Juicy Joe blew it off in favor of burying his face in a bottle of vino. So in Tre’s mind, guilt by association I guess! Baaaaasiiidzzz….it doesn’t really maaaater nowwwuh…Tre had a great time at camp, no lady pond action, but she found her Zen and received plenty of PG-13 rated massages! With Juicy Joe now inhabiting the slammer, he has lost 35 pounds is on the verge of an astounding six-pack. See people…THE PRISON DIET WORKS! I can see Tre and Juicy now – starring in a 3 a.m. infomercial.
- Deportation Station?
OHAC asks Tre about the possibility of Joe being deported. Tre can’t discuss because it’s a legal matter and she doesn’t want to cry off her false eyelashes. OHAC comments “you don’t want to give it life”. Oh Andy you hard-hitting broadcaster…you crystallized her thoughts eloquently! Tre repeats what he just said and Andy praises her – yes folks, praises her for stating the Response. He. Just. Fed. Her. Like. Cured. Salty. Meat.
- Dolores Cantina – Long Overdue Voice of Reason
I think viewers will agree that Dolores is a welcome addition to this three-ring shit-show and has emerged as a healthy dose of much needed sanity. She had a few notable quotables this round:
- “Emotions do not travel in rational channels.” I think she should get that as a tramp stamp.
- “If you need security and you need to remove the knives from the table, there shouldn’t be a lunch.”
- Can Tre and Jacs ever be friends again, Dolores? “They would both need a lobotomy.” I think they should have a lobotomy, regardless…jus’ sayin’!
- Do We Even Care Anymore?
We have a flashback of Tre and Jacs’ friendship over the seasons… from young, fresh-faced mothers of toddlers to the haggard, surgically-altered, venom spewing frenemies of tweens. Face it ladies, you had a good run, but it’s ova! What’s the ol’ cliché? Some people come into our lives for a reason, a season, to commit treason, or to be cool for a while and then go batshit? Jacs is at a turning point and must accept the fact that even the best of friends sometimes outgrow each other. On the elevator of life, sometimes you have to stop and let a few people off on your way to the top. Or let a few jump ship while plummeting 60 floors to your untimely death, whichever comes first.
Jacs – you have found your new station in life – Andy’s beyotch:
And with that, I drop my mic!