Kernels of Truth

We are dealing with the Vermont fallout this week.  Dolores and Siggy still reeling, both in a four-day depression.  Siggy has put on her fedora of truth and over-analyzed to the point where she has convinced herself that Jacs is mad at her.  Jacs hasn’t replied to Siggy’s frantic texts.  Siggy left her fambly to attend this three-ring shit show, now Jacs is giving her cold shoulder, and we aren’t talking about her top.

siggy-fedora-of-truth

Dolores, the ever emergent voice of reason this season, cautions her pal about going at Jacs with both barrels, hear her out first.  Siggy lived in the petting zoo and has now entered “do not feed” section.  Dolores has clearly got the Dr. Phil grip on this group.

dr-phil-hillbilly

We flash back to 2011 when Tre and Jacs sat on the deck and waved the acrylic nails of death.  Dolores sums it up, “one person has to eat it, somebody has to say they were wrong, and neither of them will do it.”  Dolores wants to stay out of it, she’d rather stay home with her re-done kitchen and her dawwwgs.

Later, Siggy and Dolores take their shit show on the road and pay Jacs a visit.  They wait so long for Jacs to answer the door, they take the opportunity to do a few squats on the front stoop.  Jacs finally lets them in and they take a seat on the patio of confrontation.  Chris and Ass-lee stand by in case anything erupts, but Siggy just wants an explanation for Jacs’ radio silence.  Jacs admits she was in her own world and had to go through the seven stages of grief.  Tre and Melissa’s nose are dead to her.  Any way you slice the cured salami, this relationship is a hot mess on wheels, and Siggy will continue to be in the midst of an emotional car crash the longer she lingers.

Over at Envy, Jackie lets Melissa know that internet sales are zilch, zero, goose egg!  OH and by the way…Jackie will be in the Bahama’s and won’t be around for the fashion show.  Melissa is totes stressing and thinks taking more selfies will promote bidness, yah solid plan.  Melissa weakly confronts Derek about the Kim D. gossip.  At hearing the word “Kim D.”, Derek immediately looks like he smells a dead body.  He acts all aghast at the mere thought of saying one nugatory thing about Tre.  They snap a selfie and air hug it out.

Joe brings Tre a sangwich and they discuss Juicy Joe’s impending trip to da’ pokey.  We get a flashback of Tre and Joe as teenagers, they were BFFs, and Joe had a used car salesman smarmy mustache of doom.  Joe tries to get his sister to state on camera that she is mad at her Mucinex slug of a husband.  All she will admit to is being so incredibly stupid for signing the papers he put in front of her.  Tre no read so good.  Joe offers to help out while Juicy Joe is taking it up da’ ass at the greybar hotel.  Tre doesn’t know what she is going to do, like, with the garbage.  Joe offers to help take out the trash, but something tells me this isn’t about routine weekly kitchen waste.

Siggy summons Melissa for cawwwfee tawwwlk, to admit her first impression of Melissa was that she is phony and self-absorbed, oh and to tell her she will not be attending her fashion shit show.  Melissa points out that Siggy, is in fact, taking sides because she is planning to attend Jacs’ kernel korn event.  Honey, when Melissa Gorga makes a valid point, you know your shit is f*cked up.

melissa-and-siggy

It’s the day of the big Posche fashion show, which is being held in the back room of some low-rent restaurant and looks as if it’s put together with prayers and chewing gum.  Kim D. tries to bait Jacs and Dolores by bringing up rumors of Juicy Joe cheating on Tre while she was away “at camp”.  They don’t take the bait and are more interested in learning how to properly apply boob tape.

kim-d

Siggy and Dolores have lunch with Tre and Melissa, but instead of “Rails”, they meet at “Pure”.  Since Bravo is footing the bill, Tre orders about 13 appetizers while Siggy starts her “Jacs is a good person” campaign.  Tre shuts it down like an illegal day care center and points out that Jacs was the one who brought Kim D. onto the scene.  Siggy has a change of heart and announces she will attend the Envy fashion show.  Tre asks Dolores about the Posche show and we flash back to 2009, 2010, 2011, where there is high drama involving Tre each year.  Dolores reveals that Kim D. tried to start shit, but doesn’t give specifics.

It’s the night of Li’l Kernel event.  Chris gives a speech, drops bomb, Ass-lee and Pete are sprouting their own li’l kernel.  Ass-lee tells Jacs that the baby will be organic, which is hilarious.  Is that organic botox and filler in yo’ face?  Later, Dolores pulls Chris to the side and advises him to decline the invitation he received from Juicy Joe for his “heading off to camp” party.  He should stand by his wifey, no matter how much of a rabid wildebeest she is.

To conclude tonight’s series of ill-fated epiphanies, we end up with Tre and Dolores meeting in a vacant church.  They are both looking very “mob-wife” and they reflect on their lives and how their marriages didn’t play out the way they envisioned.  Tre is sticking by her man no matter what, oh except for cheating, and she comments that Dolores was right to dump Frank for that reason.  Do I detect foreshadowing?  Dolores ignores her and suggests they say a prayer before they head out for a cocktail.

Next week, Tre and Juicy say goodbye.

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