Number Two

Dolores finally let Boo go across rainbow bridge.  Kidney failure.  Dolores and I have case of sads.  Siggy brings flowers and comfort before launching into discussion of her annoying kids.  Dolores admits she almost punch Frankie in face when he was teenager.  Later Siggy lets son drive, something about how she is always touching his legs, thighs, butt?  What?  Someone call DCFS…STAT!  Siggy retorts, “What do you want from me I was born and a bomb shelter?”  I guess her fambly played grab ass to pass the time while hunkered underground.

Later, Siggy clips Delores’ wings so she can fly, learn about bills-n-stuff.  Who better to join the “whaddayamean I gotta open mail and pay bills” counseling sesh?  Tre offers a serious tawwwwlk, “HONEY, LOOK, FOR RILLZ!”  Dolores doesn’t care.  Trusts Frank with her finances.  Frank an attorney when he’s not being Mr. New Jersey.  Makes about as much sense as Paula Abdul after a box o’ wine.

Melissa situation with her bidness partner.  Jackie ordered stuff, actually running bidness.  Melissa bark at intern, get Jackie on Face Time.  Don’t care if she basking in steamy Bahama sun!  GET HER ON FACE TIME!  Jackie take no shit, Melissa only ordering what she wears, newsflash, NOBODY is a size zero.  Melissa unyielding, delusional, micromanaging her way into an anxiety attack.

Later Melissa plays dress up and helps Antonia prep for father/daughter dance.  Antonia wants to be a professional cheerleader.  Melissa coaches her to select a more palatable occupation and Antonia reads the cue card being held up by the Bravo intern.  TEACHER!  Melissa reminisces, ahhhh mommy wanted to be a teacher one day.  Now she’s pumping out babies and owns low-rent Posche 3.0.

melissa-antonia

The Goo-boo-chay household is not all pink puppies and bacon.  Juicy Joe is drunk and “get off my lawn” disorderly.  Like.  All.  The.  Time.  Tre preoccupied with new book, hoping to make the NY Times Best Seller list.  Juicy Joe don’t care, he’s got to get his adult diaper and mid-day drink on.  He squawks about the hot pink dye job on the dog, G to the ia already sassing him, “you have no say you’re leaving in, like, a month!”  Tre and Juicy Joe argue about bills.  Juicy Joe behaving quite badly.  Tre letting it slide, he’s not coping well, it’s the alcohol tawwwwlking.  Juicy bought security camera system, but it’s all Greek to Tre.  Dolores calls to offer support, Tre reminds her about book release pawwwwty.  Juicy passes out on the couch with a full adult diaper.

joe-walk-away

Laurita’s having poker night.  Rosie excited, wants to apologize to Juicy Joe about “mean girl” things said on camera on NYE.  Juicy Joe no show.  Call Juicy Joe.  Juicy Joe tore up from floor up.  Can’t make it to poker night.  Call Tre.  See if we get truth.  Juicy Joe struggling with impending surrender, heavy day drinking, passed out on couch with full adult diaper.

Rosie upset.  Rosie storm out.  Rosie calm down in sub-zero temps outside.  Rosie return to warmth of poker night.

Everyone prepping for Tre’s book launch party – two rules, must be over 21 and Tre cannot be consorting with felons of any kind.  So Fuckface Von Clownstick (a.k.a. – Juicy Joe) invites some felon to attend and bring his 12-year old son.  Grab a handful o’ back hair and hang on for dear life!  Felon denied entry.  Shocking!  Felon blows gasket on public sidewalk, “Nothing stops me, not the mob, not the government, not nothing!”  I’ll tell you who stops him, Security by Bravo, that’s who!  The disproportionate display of emotion would have us think he was denied entry into Slick’s Tavern, but oh no dear reader, it was not.  This man wanted in on that fourth rate book launch party more than a housewife wants free samples at Costco!

felon

Inside, Tre has no clue of happenings on the street.  Good hair, don’t care, and whoa…what’s that?  She made number two on NY Times best seller list, beating out the Pope’s book, which debuted at number four.  Cheers, Ima proud of you, number two!

Coming up this season, Jacs going to be a glam-ma, Kim D. back with vengeance and square tit (oh wait, that was Kim G.), drama between Jacs and Melissa escalates.

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