This One Time at Band Camp…

Hello all – I really enjoyed last week’s style of breifcapping, so I think I am going to stick with it.  If it works…roll with it…AMIRIGHT?!?!?!

Tre in “world-wind”, can’t get enough endorphins and saratogans!  Juicy Joe sucks at side pony.  Good thing Tre back in action, getting shit done, wants to do yoga….buuuut…Juicy Joe caught putting bills and mail through shredder.  Tre not having it, has learned bills mean PAY UP BITCH!

Jacs awaits Tre to sign friendship contract, check box, “yes” or “no”.  Can’t wait and Chris can’t pretend to listen any more.  Jacs showing up at Tre’s door with peace offering by way of Starbucks.  Two trenta, no foam, five shot, half-caff, no foam, triple caramel bottom, spice top, NO FOAM, at 210-degrees.

Tre pissed, Jacs persona non grata.  Tre no makeup and looks descent, should go with this look more often.  Juice man happy to see Jacs, means he doesn’t have to do yoga.  Jacs feeling dissed by Tre.  Tre learned a lot “at camp”, prayed, read books, learned to forgive, learned to fashion dildo out of common household items.   New beginnings, we shall rebuild, possible new dildo bidness.  Lucy and Ethel, my ass.  Tre showing off yoga moves, glimpse of house arrest anklet in need of bedazzling.  Tre in good shape, Juicy like, Tree sore knees, um…EW!  Jacs shows Tre how to fashion knee pads out of provolone rinds and cooking twine.

Tre - no makeup

Melissa and bidness partner buying clothing for ill-fated boutique.  Melissa only want short and tight selections, partner clad in items from “Sex and the City” clearance bin, wants to appeal to older customer.  Agree to disagree, what the hell, who cares?

Envy

Siggy helping Dolores overhaul house and cleanse it of ex-hubby stank.  Siggy face de-puffing, excited to meet Tre.  Jacs shows up, more screeching, caterwauling.  Dolores spots blotches, hives.  Jacks all aflutter, she is rebuilding friendship with Tre.  All right with world.

Meet Dolores’ ex hubs Frank.  Frank hotter than stripper on mid-day pole.  Wagering Dolores and Frank are “friends with benefitting”.  Dolores’ kids nice.  Scene stealer is Elizabeth, Dolores’ grandmother, 102 years old.  SHE.  IS.  EVERY.  THANG.

Tre allowed out of her McMansion to meet Siggy for first time.  Siggy over the top, but Tre diggin’ her leopard-print fashion and leather fringe halter top.  Learn Siggy has two kids and on second marriage to “real man on EVERY LEVEL”.  Party planning for Dolores.  Day of party.  Everyone all leoparded out.  Kathy and Rosie arrive, awkward leopards.

Weird party game ensues.  Melissa tell bizarre story how Joe want to give Dolores bone back in day.  Tre’s turn, makes Dolores and Jacs act out story from prison “camp dorm”.  All women drunk as f*ck, except Tre who can’t drink, pesky thing called probation.  Story about women getting it on at “camp”, Jacs licks Dolores’ face.  Tre continues story, she smelled fish and witnessed heinous act.  All non-drunks categorically mortified.  Highlight of episode, Rosie’s gruff voice in the background “why would it smell like fish?”

Drunk Melissa

Drunk Melissa mother*ckin’ Gorga is out in full force and effect.  Tre drives drunk Melissa home.  Next week, Joe worried Melissa will fail, Jacs and Chris still broke, tabloid rumors threaten rock solid foundation of Tre and Juicy Joe.

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