The Bloop is Back

I’m not sure what’s going on with the ATL here, but I am finding this crew to be about as entertaining as watching paint dry.  Half the cast spends hours packing their things so that they can go drag their toddlers all over Washington D.C. and attend the Million Man March for like…a hot second…annnnnd the other half is just full of ill-conceived outfits and ideas.

The only person worth mentioning here is Ayden, who is very concerned about how he will fit the entire contents of his toy chest into his Louis Vuitton suitcase and still have enough room for his suit, bowtie, and a sensible pair of shoes.  Since Phaedra is on camera, she accepts the incoming call from inmate Apollo Nida.  He has a nice father/son talk with Ayden and tries to offer some discipline from prison to encourage his boy to behave at school.

Across town, Moore Manor is not coming along.  Kenya is supervising some dude drilling in screws and Cynthia arrives in a yellow hard hat and her best olive green gown she scavenged from her Mrs. Roper Collection.  She creeps up the rickety steps in her olive drab ballet flats, and Kenya admits the construction is behind.  Cynthia sees an air mattress and a hot plate in Kenya’s future.  Kenya gives her the scoop on “Kenya’s family reunion” and Kenya is now closer with her father than ever before, but the kamikaze visit to her deadbeat mom’s house did not go so well.  Cynthia understood Kenya’s attempt at gaining some closure and she heaps out a lovin’ ladle o’ sympathy for her BFFL.

Later, Kenya is confronted by her Aunt Lori, but the conversation doesn’t begin without a healthy goblet o’ wine that looks like it has fermented a century too long.  Aunt Lori is upset about being put in the middle of Kenya and her own sister, she tells Kenya that enough is enough, to let it go.  Kenya explains that she won’t stand to live her life, as if there is an elephant in the room and she couldn’t stand how her mother was around her at family functions, but pretended she didn’t exist.  Annnnnd here we thought deadbeat mom was just absent…turns out she was actively snubbing her own daughter in person for years!  Aunt Lori explains that the family did confront Patricia, but to no avail.  Kenya admits she did get some closure by pounding on the unanswered door, they all calm down and hug it out.

In D.C., we see that Phaedra has a small village accompanying her – hair and makeup, stylist, nanny, trainer, nutritionist, and psychic.  Kim however, has an iPad and some Jeri Curl and won’t be ready to board the party bus to Capital Hill anytime soon.  Phaedra has her cast mates in tow, including Porsha and She by Shereé, but they call Kim and find out she still hasn’t gotten dressed yet and her boys are playing with Legos and are covered in cheeze doodle dust.  Ayden announces into the phone “over and out!”  This kid really needs his own show.

Phaedra meets with Congresswoman Frederica Wilson, whom she lovingly dubs, “Flaming Uncle Sam”.  The Congresswoman wears a flaming red sequined cowboy hat that she obtained from the Cynthia Bailey Independence Day Collection and she looks like she should be emceeing Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s.  Congresswoman is thrilled to meet “Toot Toot”, a.k.a. Kim Fields, who I am sure loved being referred to with a slang word for flatulence.  Meanwhile, Porsha hears “toot toot” and is looking around for the Underground Railroad train.

Senator

The ladies sit down and the congresswoman begins talking about how African American boys are stereotyped.  Kim gave congresswoman the “church finger” and she hauled her children out to have a “Come to Jesus talk” because the conversation was not suitable for her boys.  Phaedra, however, doesn’t have the “luxury of sugar coating reality for her sons.”  Counselor Parks does have a point, with their father incarcerated and having it all documented on national television, those boys have already had a hard dose of reality.

Church Finger

The next day, Phaedra drags everyone to a formal sit-down lunch at the Congressional Black Caucus and the boys ain’t havin’ it.  Ayden is already irritated, “They don’t even know what I like…I’m totally eating at the hotel!”  Kim has to step out again because her children are fussy.  She by Shereé checks on Kim and insinuates that Kim is being disrespectful to the hosts.  Kim doesn’t feel it’s disrespectful to care for her children, annnnnd a storm is a’ brewin’.

Kim smartly scheduled a charity event, so she gets to cut out early and skip the actual Million Man March.  She by Shereé’s 19 year old son shows up, he is tall and handsome, he looks like he would smell like musk, determination, and Trident Minty Sweet Twist.  Porsha is wearing her best Skype outfit and she is drooling like a baby on a pacifier.  Leave it to Counselor Parks to point out that he is “legal”, but leave it to She by Shereé to Check Her BOO!  “Legal for WHAT?” she snaps!  At the actual March, it’s Porsha who needs a nanny.  Thank goodness Phaedra’s team is prepared, they hand Porsha a fun size bag o’ Cheez-Itz and an Underground Railroad coloring book.

Meanwhile, back in the ATL, Kandi and Todd arrive at the gathering of the “Ol’ Lady Gang” for the family dinner.  The plan is to butter ‘em up like hot biscuits and get them sold on the restaurant idea.  Mama Joyce welcomes Todd with a big hug, but her motives are clear…she is behaving because she wants to be kidnap Baby Tucker.

Todd has a solid bidness plan…Kandi has a book of recipes, red Solo cups and dixie flatware are cheap, so why not open a restaurant!  Mama Joyce goes stone faced and Aunt Bertha gives an “Aw hell naw”.  They talk about it a bit more, confirming that the OLG’s don’t have to work in the restaurant, they just have to lend their likenesses to the signage.

OLG Poster

Cynthia and Papa Smurf are prepping for a special guest, Cynthia’s long lost BFFL from another life… none other than NENE!  Cynthia is acting nervous as if she were prepping for a first date.  Nene rolls up in her Maserati and the illest-fitting outfit I have seen since the shredded cover ups worn by Phaedra and Porsha in Miami.  Nene saunters into the kitchen, buttons and cut-outs puckering, and hubby Gregg trails behind.  Gregg actually looks pretty good, as if he has lost weight.  Nene must still be keeping him locked in the basement on a steady diet of water and wonder bread balls.

Nene and Cynthia review their fall out, being hurt, etc., and THEN…Cynthia makes a major faux pas and calls Kenya “her girl.”  Nene feels “somekindaway” about that and Cynthia immediately downshifts into Stepford mode and backpeddles, saying nobody compares to Nene!  Ahhhh, some things never change!  Nene is excited about meeting “Rudy”, no “Tootie”… and I am sure Kim will be thrilled to meet another overblown drama queen who can’t discern her from the little girl character on the Cosby Show.  Cynthia mentions that Kandi is pregnant and Nene makes some side comment about feeling pregnant because she hasn’t pooped in three days!?!?  WTH?  Get that woman some Ex Lax and return that outfit to Johnny Weir…STAT!

Nene - shes back

Next week, Kenya flirts with her handyman, Cynthia attempts to make an eyewear commercial, and Phaedra considers taking the boys to visit Apollo in prison.  Kim holds a brunch, requiring the ladies to wear minimal makeup, which sends Kenya twirling.

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