Another boring week in the ATL, I don’t know about y’all, but I am ready to ditch these lackluster peaches for some new drama in the form of RHOPotomac! Shamea opens this week by stopping by the Kandi Koated Kerfuffle Factory, plopping down in the hot pink pleather inquisition chair, and confronting the Kandi Koated Klique. Don Juan immediately adopts his “Bitch, Please” deportment of disgust and Kandi knows right away that there’s a problem she missed while at the dippin’ sauce corral. Carmon jumps in on the action and she and Don Juan rip Shamea to shreds and can’t believe she is taking information from a sorry ass beyotch who doesn’t even know that the Underground Railroad isn’t an actual train. This means you, Porsha Williams-Stewart! Kandi handles the skirmish calmly, but the viewers can see that she is seething underneath her swollen bosoms.
Todd and Phaedra finally meet face to face to discuss the finance situation over the never-released Phine Pregnancy work out DVD. Phaedra takes a dig at Todd in her one on one with the camera, insinuating his career is flailing and his allowance from Kandi isn’t cuttin’ the mustard greens. Phaedra plays the “single mother I can’t afford to pay you” card and claims that she now wants to finish the DVD and release it so she can sell four copies. Todd walks her through the budget and provides copies of her cancelled checks, which boils down to her owing him about $8K and a pregnancy photo for the cover of the DVD. Time to pull out the old photos from the Phine pregnancy pickle shoot!
In Porsha-Land, she is in L.A. working the Emmy’s red carpet for Dish Nation. She spends most of her time getting primped and berating her sister Lauren for getting knocked up and leaving her high and dry without an assistant to reply to her e-mails and select the proper Bitmojis. Porsha gives absolutely zero f*cks about the little life about to squeeze out of her sister’s cooter and expects her to find her own replacement and work up until the moment the water breaks on her rented Louboutin’s.
Kenya welcomes her dad, Ronald, for a visit. He critiques the glass of water she serves him, her new house before he even sees it, and he offers suggestions for her dating adventures and suggests keeping a score card. We learn that four days ago, Kenya attended a relationship seminar. She realized that her dysfunctional family relationships are damaging her dating dealings. Well duh!
Later, Kenya and Ronald go for a walk and she is trying to have a serious talk with him, but all of the sudden, Ronald turns into an arborist with a passion for trees. Kenya gets him to stop licking the bark on the trees he’s admiring long enough to park it on a bench and chat. We learn that Kenya ran away from her father after he moved the family to Houston, TX and then they didn’t speak for years. Ronald felt like a failure after Kenya left and he throws in a tree analogy to symbolize his pain. He makes Kenya feel bad for being a surly teenager, but newsflash Ronald…you were the adult. You don’t get to pout. Kenya wants to have a family reunion in Detroit, but Ronald is resistant and wants to leave things in the past. I’m not sure how they ended this, nor do I really care. They hug it out, hug a tree…annnnd scene!
At the Bailey Agency for Wayward Models, Cynthia meets with Marlo to help set up the venue for a “Customer Appreciation” knockoff eyewear promotion event where the Kandi Koated Klique and Porsha will stage their next fight. Later, Cynthia and Papa Smurf meet up with Kandi and Todd for dinner. Cynthia comments that Kandi is at the “booty do stage, where the belly sticks out more than the booty do!” But Kandi won’t let her booty slow her down, she dutifully fills them in about the Porsha Phaedra, Shamea, Don Juan scuttlebutt. Kandi adds that she has always been supportive of Porsha – apparently, Porsha released a single called “Flatline”. Todd jokes that the single literally “flat lined”, which must be true. We surely would have known about said single, I think we need a karaoke performance of this on WWHL…STAT!
Fast forward to Cynthia’s customer appreciation event so we can get this over with. First off, what the ever-lovin’ hell is Marlo wearing? Who does she think she is, Li’l Kim?
Porsha initiates a conversation with Kandi and takes her aside to discuss in private. Of course Don Juan and Carmon will not permit the idiot hooker to talk to their leader alone. The dynamic duo bops on over to provide backup for a conversation, of which they heard one sentence. Don Juan apologizes for coming across aggressive, but he isn’t changing his stance that Porsha is an asshole slut from hell that smells of stadium hot dog water. Porsha doesn’t want to talk in front of everyone and Kandi tells her they don’t have to talk at all, but “don’t expect no extra push from me, no extra shit from me!” She’s pissed as hell, and she ain’t taking it anymore!!! I have to say I wish this fightin’ Kandi would come out more, the pregnancy hormones must be making her feisty. Porsha and Shamea storm out and Don Juan trails off, cracking another Underground Railroad joke.
At the end of the episode, Kandi meets Porsha for a confrontation lunch. They try to make small talk, but fail miserably. Kandi felt that Shamea and Don Juan should be part of the conversation since they witnessed the gossiping and Porsha wants to argue her side, but claims she isn’t taking sides between Kandi and Phaedra. Kandi tells her that she is “full of shit”, and again I am enjoying this spirited “take no prisoners” Kandi. Phaedra wanted Apollo gone before he even had to go, so Phaedra can’t play the “woe is me” card. Kandi also points out that as an attorney, Phaedra is a master of manipulating the situation and she will not be attending any sip-n-see pity party. Porsha, unexpected voice of reason, maturely points out that even though Phaedra wanted Apollo and his power drill to vanish, it didn’t make it any less painful. With that, Kandi seems to simma down and they squash the beef. Porsha asks if there is anything she can do to bring the Kandi/Phaedra machine back to life, but Kandi doesn’t see it ever getting back into proper working order.
Next week, Mama Joyce takes the law into her own hands and pays Counselor Parks a visit. Kenya visits her mother, but I am not sure we will get an actual confrontation.