Brow Beat

This week, we continue to beat dead horses, we attend a “beat-less” brunch, and Kenya is deserving of a serious beat down!  Kim has made her weekly Costco run and along with her accoutrements for another excruciating group brunch, she has bought out the entire supply of makeup remover wipes.  For that is the theme of her ill-fated “Beat-less” brunch.  Apparently, the word “Beat” is a new-fangled slang term for setting your makeup gun to “whore” and applying more spackle than is needed to patch the holes punched in your walls after your spouse learns he is going to prison.

Kim greets her stylist, Victoria, whom she should fire tout de suite by the way.  Kim loves Victoria’s “great hair”, which explains Kim’s wig choices.  Kim dubs Victoria “the brunch whisperer”.  Victoria shouts “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL”, after Kim describes the group of heathens she will be hosting.  Her first tactical error is sending out a generic broadcast voice mail announcing the brunch.  If she is going to disallow lashes and Louboutin’s, I think that warrants a personal call.  We see each woman listening to the message and having their own version of melt-down, f*ck her, oh lawd, whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout, Willis reaction.

Kim - Victoria

Kandi and Todd are preparing to review baby duties and Todd thinks the extent of his daddy duties will be changing one diaper per day and being sure to wipe out all the “creases”.  They discuss hiring a nanny, but Kandi prefers a manny.  I think she should move Don Juan into her mini-mans and let him do all the work, he’s already her li’l beyotch.  Todd says this is his first time having a baby “from scratch”, but he’s going to have a rude awakening when he finds out it’s not like following an OLG Mac-n-Cheeze recipe.

An instructor from “Baby Steps” arrives and Todd shows off, he’s got this, he been “Googlin’ stuff”!  The woman from Baby Steps tells Kandi she is still nursing her own son at 19 months, “he asks for it by name”, she says proudly!  This revolts Kandi and Todd…oh and me!  This is wrong on so many levels, what name is he calling “it”…annnnnd I think if the child is old enough to converse, it’s time to move on to a sippy cup!

Meanwhile, across town…Phaedra and Ayden are making a birthday card for Apollo in an attempt to show that Phaedra is still pretending to GAF about his relationship with the boys.  Phaedra gives Ayden some stickers, but he says screw that, I want glitter glue!  A kid after my own heart!  He’s a little too excited about using the glue stick, I hope the young toughs haven’t taught him about huffing in the Boy’s bathroom!  Phaedra later visits her divorce lawyer and she is ready to move forward, but not ready to take the boys for a prison visit.  Randy Kessler, divorce attorney for everyone in the ATL, comes in representing Apollo, but he expects this to be fairly open-and-shut.

At the Cynthia Bailey Agency, school for wayward models, Cynthia meets with her team regarding the eyewear collection and she is ready to take it to the next level by way of a commercial.  One of her cronies is wearing sunglasses indoors and NOT from the CB collection!  She whips him into shape and gets her team on board for a Kim and Kenya commercial collaboration.  Her vision is beaches, sand, and cocktails and my vision is another Bravo mandated group vacation from hell spread out over the next six episodes.

It’s the big day of the “Beat-less Brunch” from hell and everyone is on their way, of course wearing some form of makeup.  Kandi is sporting her Urkel glasses from the Cynthia Bailey collection and her lip smacker in chicken-n-waffles flavor.  She picks up Kenya, who is rebelling by wearing her usual heavy makeup, but frankly, she needs it.  Her face looks like the surface of Mars.  Something about riding in Kandi’s big F150 gets Kenya all riled up, she is insulted and prepped to arrive at the brunch, guns a’ blazin’.

Guns Blazin

Phaedra arrives at the party in a “natural beat” and Kim tells her to “check your lashes at the door!”  Porsha arrives all made up straight from work, and has a Skype sesh right after with some rando she met in the parking lot.  Porsha distracts Kim by sussing out the smell of the fried chicken and making a beeline for her assigned seat.  Cynthia is about as Au natural as she can be, but probably the only one that would look descent without any makeup, however she needs to address her roots.  She by Shereé arrives with her signature top knot and claims that her face is always “beat” makeup or no makeup!

Kim looks like she is weary and tired from cleaning cheese doodles out of the couch cushions, but she has never really spackled herself up for the camera.  Cynthia uses the opportunity to “touch base” with Kim and Kenya about directing her eyewear commercial and announces she has planned a group trip to Jamaica.  Everyone is excited and Phaedra throws some shade by saying she will need to consult with Kenya on her contacts at “Rent-a-Date”, she will need a three day special.

Kim distributes the goody bags, comprised of items she picked up at the “Dollar Spot” at Target.  Each woman receives a compact mirror, a notebook, and pen so they can write a poem about natural beauty.  I get it, it’s corny as f*ck, but Kenya doesn’t have to act like an unwashed asshole all the time.  Kenya starts giving some makeup history lesson, something about Egyptians, and her makeup being an expression of herself.  Jeezuz… If you are playing the drinking game at home, the word is BEAT!  You have been BEAT to death.  Your blood alcohol content is lethal, please call an Uber and proceed to the nearest emergency room.

Kenya - Umbrage

Kenya just can’t STFU and eat her shrimp-n-grits, NOOOOO…she must “take umbrage” with Kim.  Clearly, Kim has hit a nerve with this no makeup thing and Kenya should have stayed home in her rat-infested halfway house.  After the “umbrage” comment, Kim counterblasts by giving Kenya her best “dead in the eyes” look, shrugs, and says “OK”.  Kenya combats by calling her “dismissive” and Kim explains she was just swallowing her food.  With that, the ladies start to excuse themselves because it’s going to take each of them three hours to take their makeup off.

Kim - Brunch

Later, Cynthia sits down to meet with Kim and Kenya, and she picks a public place to avoid any overt confrontations.  Although, crisis is averted because Kenya is a no-show. Cynthia calls Kenya to see if she is en route, but she is met with a “noooo I’m not going to make it”, as if Cynthia’s pitch meeting was tantamount to a Skype sesh with Porsha.

Kenya is allegedly dealing with a crisis at her broke-down rat-hole home, but we see that the “crisis” is entertaining her latest “rent-a-date”, Matt.  She invites him over to perform some “handy-work” so he can feel “needed”.  Translation = Matt is holding a drill and walking around free ballin’ in his sweatpants.

Kim is totally profesh, she shows Cynthia some storyboards and delivers a polished pitch.  Cynthia emphasizes that her eyewear line is the gateway to her “accessories empire” and she insists on having Kenya involved.  Kim makes it very clear that she is usually Producer/Director, she does not co-direct, and she is not interested in working in a negative atmosphere.  Annnnd let’s face it, Kenya is the conductor of the train that’s a rollin’ straight to crazy town, but Cynthia is hell-bent on a collaboration.  Cynthia is stupid and the gateway to her accessories empire will not be within reach if Kenya is involved.

Next time, the gang heads to Jamaica, Nene shows up, and Kenya alludes to Kim’s husband being “fruity”.

The Bloop is Back

I’m not sure what’s going on with the ATL here, but I am finding this crew to be about as entertaining as watching paint dry.  Half the cast spends hours packing their things so that they can go drag their toddlers all over Washington D.C. and attend the Million Man March for like…a hot second…annnnnd the other half is just full of ill-conceived outfits and ideas.

The only person worth mentioning here is Ayden, who is very concerned about how he will fit the entire contents of his toy chest into his Louis Vuitton suitcase and still have enough room for his suit, bowtie, and a sensible pair of shoes.  Since Phaedra is on camera, she accepts the incoming call from inmate Apollo Nida.  He has a nice father/son talk with Ayden and tries to offer some discipline from prison to encourage his boy to behave at school.

Across town, Moore Manor is not coming along.  Kenya is supervising some dude drilling in screws and Cynthia arrives in a yellow hard hat and her best olive green gown she scavenged from her Mrs. Roper Collection.  She creeps up the rickety steps in her olive drab ballet flats, and Kenya admits the construction is behind.  Cynthia sees an air mattress and a hot plate in Kenya’s future.  Kenya gives her the scoop on “Kenya’s family reunion” and Kenya is now closer with her father than ever before, but the kamikaze visit to her deadbeat mom’s house did not go so well.  Cynthia understood Kenya’s attempt at gaining some closure and she heaps out a lovin’ ladle o’ sympathy for her BFFL.

Later, Kenya is confronted by her Aunt Lori, but the conversation doesn’t begin without a healthy goblet o’ wine that looks like it has fermented a century too long.  Aunt Lori is upset about being put in the middle of Kenya and her own sister, she tells Kenya that enough is enough, to let it go.  Kenya explains that she won’t stand to live her life, as if there is an elephant in the room and she couldn’t stand how her mother was around her at family functions, but pretended she didn’t exist.  Annnnnd here we thought deadbeat mom was just absent…turns out she was actively snubbing her own daughter in person for years!  Aunt Lori explains that the family did confront Patricia, but to no avail.  Kenya admits she did get some closure by pounding on the unanswered door, they all calm down and hug it out.

In D.C., we see that Phaedra has a small village accompanying her – hair and makeup, stylist, nanny, trainer, nutritionist, and psychic.  Kim however, has an iPad and some Jeri Curl and won’t be ready to board the party bus to Capital Hill anytime soon.  Phaedra has her cast mates in tow, including Porsha and She by Shereé, but they call Kim and find out she still hasn’t gotten dressed yet and her boys are playing with Legos and are covered in cheeze doodle dust.  Ayden announces into the phone “over and out!”  This kid really needs his own show.

Phaedra meets with Congresswoman Frederica Wilson, whom she lovingly dubs, “Flaming Uncle Sam”.  The Congresswoman wears a flaming red sequined cowboy hat that she obtained from the Cynthia Bailey Independence Day Collection and she looks like she should be emceeing Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s.  Congresswoman is thrilled to meet “Toot Toot”, a.k.a. Kim Fields, who I am sure loved being referred to with a slang word for flatulence.  Meanwhile, Porsha hears “toot toot” and is looking around for the Underground Railroad train.

Senator

The ladies sit down and the congresswoman begins talking about how African American boys are stereotyped.  Kim gave congresswoman the “church finger” and she hauled her children out to have a “Come to Jesus talk” because the conversation was not suitable for her boys.  Phaedra, however, doesn’t have the “luxury of sugar coating reality for her sons.”  Counselor Parks does have a point, with their father incarcerated and having it all documented on national television, those boys have already had a hard dose of reality.

Church Finger

The next day, Phaedra drags everyone to a formal sit-down lunch at the Congressional Black Caucus and the boys ain’t havin’ it.  Ayden is already irritated, “They don’t even know what I like…I’m totally eating at the hotel!”  Kim has to step out again because her children are fussy.  She by Shereé checks on Kim and insinuates that Kim is being disrespectful to the hosts.  Kim doesn’t feel it’s disrespectful to care for her children, annnnnd a storm is a’ brewin’.

Kim smartly scheduled a charity event, so she gets to cut out early and skip the actual Million Man March.  She by Shereé’s 19 year old son shows up, he is tall and handsome, he looks like he would smell like musk, determination, and Trident Minty Sweet Twist.  Porsha is wearing her best Skype outfit and she is drooling like a baby on a pacifier.  Leave it to Counselor Parks to point out that he is “legal”, but leave it to She by Shereé to Check Her BOO!  “Legal for WHAT?” she snaps!  At the actual March, it’s Porsha who needs a nanny.  Thank goodness Phaedra’s team is prepared, they hand Porsha a fun size bag o’ Cheez-Itz and an Underground Railroad coloring book.

Meanwhile, back in the ATL, Kandi and Todd arrive at the gathering of the “Ol’ Lady Gang” for the family dinner.  The plan is to butter ‘em up like hot biscuits and get them sold on the restaurant idea.  Mama Joyce welcomes Todd with a big hug, but her motives are clear…she is behaving because she wants to be kidnap Baby Tucker.

Todd has a solid bidness plan…Kandi has a book of recipes, red Solo cups and dixie flatware are cheap, so why not open a restaurant!  Mama Joyce goes stone faced and Aunt Bertha gives an “Aw hell naw”.  They talk about it a bit more, confirming that the OLG’s don’t have to work in the restaurant, they just have to lend their likenesses to the signage.

OLG Poster

Cynthia and Papa Smurf are prepping for a special guest, Cynthia’s long lost BFFL from another life… none other than NENE!  Cynthia is acting nervous as if she were prepping for a first date.  Nene rolls up in her Maserati and the illest-fitting outfit I have seen since the shredded cover ups worn by Phaedra and Porsha in Miami.  Nene saunters into the kitchen, buttons and cut-outs puckering, and hubby Gregg trails behind.  Gregg actually looks pretty good, as if he has lost weight.  Nene must still be keeping him locked in the basement on a steady diet of water and wonder bread balls.

Nene and Cynthia review their fall out, being hurt, etc., and THEN…Cynthia makes a major faux pas and calls Kenya “her girl.”  Nene feels “somekindaway” about that and Cynthia immediately downshifts into Stepford mode and backpeddles, saying nobody compares to Nene!  Ahhhh, some things never change!  Nene is excited about meeting “Rudy”, no “Tootie”… and I am sure Kim will be thrilled to meet another overblown drama queen who can’t discern her from the little girl character on the Cosby Show.  Cynthia mentions that Kandi is pregnant and Nene makes some side comment about feeling pregnant because she hasn’t pooped in three days!?!?  WTH?  Get that woman some Ex Lax and return that outfit to Johnny Weir…STAT!

Nene - shes back

Next week, Kenya flirts with her handyman, Cynthia attempts to make an eyewear commercial, and Phaedra considers taking the boys to visit Apollo in prison.  Kim holds a brunch, requiring the ladies to wear minimal makeup, which sends Kenya twirling.

50 Shades of Mama Drama

The first shade of mama drama this week revolves around Kandi, her impending son, and her own Mama Joyce.  Sidebar:  Kandi’s son, Ace, has arrived into this world!  Let’s hope he and Ayden become BFF’s and rule the ATL!  Snoopy snow cones and bowties for everyone!

Anyway…Kandi and Mama go crib shopping and all we learn here is that Mama intends on having her own crib so she can monopolize the baby, but Kandi is more focused on the crib style over function because she plans to give the baby’s room a complete re-decorate every six months.  Kandi slips and lets Mama know about her fallout with Counselor Parks, and Mama Joyce revs up her Wal-Mart Wedgie of Death swingin’ arm and plans to pay Phaedra a visit.  With Kandi being “high-risk”, she and her Wal-Mart Wedgie will take matters into their own hands.  Kandi gives Mama the stink eye and a hard “NO”, but Mama DGAF (doesn’t give a f*ck) and is already in an Uber on her way to the Counselor’s office.

Mama Joyce arrives and we are treated to a flashback of Mama’s last visit to the Counselor’s office where she admonished Phaedra for introducing “two short people with big heads”.  Phaedra gives her a wary welcome because she knows Mama Joyce ain’t droppin’ by for tea and crumpets.

Phaedra - Wary

They discuss the fallout, and Mama drops subtle hints that she just might thunder punch Phaedra in the face, “I don’t want Kandi to have any problems, I would never want anyone to do anything to hurt her, or to cause her to be upset in any way, because you know Mama Bear…you know me.”  Phaedra whips out a Phunerals by Phaedra Prayer Cloth, blots her brow, and assures Mama that she and Kandi have taken counsel from Life Coach, Matt Foley and they are back on the right track.

Back on Track

Mama disguises her death-wish visit by asking Phaedra to assist in planning a baby shower for Kandi.  Lawd Jezzuz…it’s a fire!  Phaedra loves an element of surprise with any party she plans and they brainstorm a few ideas and come up with “Coming to Atlanta”, which will incorporate lions, tigers, bears, wild wildebeests in pillowcases, and hopefully a sighting of Dwight’s party plannin’ nose!

Later, Phaedra stops by Todd’s office to check on progress of the pregnancy work out video she never plans to release.  She is not pleased with the quality of said never to be released video, but she is more than pleased to whip out her arsenal of insults.  She keeps jabbing at Todd about how his jobs are dried up and he needs the money, so she will cough up the $8K.  Phaedra ain’t sweatin’ it, she has JOBZZZZZ.  This is all being nicely established for reunion fodder, after Kandi sees the things Phaedra said about her huzzzband, I am sure she will show up with props in the form of her own Wal-Mart Wedgie of Death.

Phaedra clues Todd in on the big baby shower plan and asks Todd if he plans to be in the delivery room.  Phaedra revolts him by reenacting every gut wrenching, flesh shredding, intestine twisting detail of her own c-section.  I surmise this is just to continue to make Todd look like a miniature dolt who DGAF about the baby.

In other inappropriate Mama Drama, Papa Smurf has a mystery date planned for his bride and Cynthia has her daughter, Noelle, helping her pack for the trip.  Call me kooky, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for Cynthia to ask her daughter for packing advice for her makeup-sex romp in Mexico with Papa Smurf.  Umm…EW!  Let alone asking Noelle what she thinks about her giving Peter another chance.  The two discuss their relationship philosophies and Noelle reveals she is “one and done” typa gal, piss her off and she’s done…Adios…in an Uber to the nearest Sports One to get fondled by the staff.  Umm…EW!  Cynthia gives her some lecture about commitment, this from the woman who thinks divorce is an option.  Blah, blah, blah…Papa Smurf and Cynthia are off to Mexico, sans cameras.  Which is really a win-win – they get some privacy and we don’t have to look at them acting gross this week.

In the “not yet a Mama Drama” portion of our show, Porsha is “sexercising” with her trainer “DP”, Umm, EW, and Lauren arrives at Porsha’s request.  Porsha pulls her aside for a stability ball summit to discuss the fact that Lauren is slacking on her personal assistant duties and missed a delivery of some of Porsha’s janky lingerie, which cost Porsha Enterprises $4.00.  Lauren, whom I have lovingly dubbed “bitch ain’t havin’ it”, throws down a masterful counterstrike;  a) she’s pregnant, b) who else is going to put up with Porsha’s bullshit, not steal her money, and agree to fly coach? and c) who in their right mind is going to delouse Porsha’s wigs?  Porsha is a bit dumbfounded and mumbles something about beating around mulberry bushes, but the two appear to be at stability ball impasse.

Stability Ball Summit

Later, over grocery store flowers and a Costco apple and caramel dip tray, Porsha offers a half-corn-fed ass apology.  Turns out that our trusty Counselor Parks talked some sense into Porsha, “jobs come, jobs go, but sisters are 4-EVA!”  Lauren admits she was hesitant to tell Porsha about her pregnancy for fear that her loving sissy would “feel some typa way” about it.  “Typa way” meaning Justin Bieber jealous, Oprah Winfrey childless, and third shift hooker continually being stood up on Skype, typa way.  Porsha assures Lauren that she is all good in the hood as she begins pummeling her face with apple slices and ladling gobs of caramel dip down her gullet, in an extreme eating challenge typa way.

Kenya’s ongoing Mama Drama continues as she is planning a family reunion in Detroit.  This is all a bit heavy, but we get a humorous part here where Brandon gives Kenya shit about dating losers and he does an impression of Walter the tow truck drivin’ flake.  Kenya is able to laugh about it, and I am dejected because I had finally eliminated that tired story line from my psyche.  Kenya takes her entourage, which includes her father, nephew, and step-mother on a tour of Detroit in a space bus.  Oh, whadda ya’ know, they are right in front of Kenya’s deadbeat mom’s home!  Her dad wants her to let it go and reveals that Kenya’s mother, Patricia, abandoned her because her own father didn’t want his child having illegitimate children.  Ronald and Patricia were only 16 and unwed when she got pregnant and she had to pretend Kenya was not her child.  In light of this, I would venture to say that Patricia is probably in a great deal of pain over this as well.  However, our dogged li’l Kenya has the white-hot determination of a 1,000 suns.  She takes her earrings off and heads off to beat down deadbeat mom’s door.  As Kenya goes to the door, we see that Bravo has put a modesty patch around the whole house to protect Patricia’s identity. Kenya knocks and demand Patricia open up, but she only hears the sound of 18 door locks engaging.  Brandon watches from the window of the space bus, salivating with anticipation, but of course, deadbeat mom never answers the door.

Party Bus - deadbeat mom

The next day is the family reunion and it seems that Kenya has plenty of family to go around on her father’s side.  She has left Patricia in the past, no matter how heartbreaking.  What reunion wouldn’t be complete without custom tee-shirts printed for everyone that read “Kenya’s Family Reunion!”  Oh Miss USA, you are so cheeky in your self-absorption!   Kenya learns that Aunt Lori has hopped in an Uber and split after 10 minutes because Aunt Lori is upset that Kenya attempted to make contact with Patricia (Aunt Lori’s deadbeat sister).  So, I presume we can look forward to a confrontation scene next week between Kenya and Lori.

Next week, the Million Man March, annnnd as I suspected, a Lori/Kenya stability ball showdown, and Nene returns…BLOOP!

Customer Appreciation

Another boring week in the ATL, I don’t know about y’all, but I am ready to ditch these lackluster peaches for some new drama in the form of RHOPotomac!  Shamea opens this week by stopping by the Kandi Koated Kerfuffle Factory, plopping down in the hot pink pleather inquisition chair, and confronting the Kandi Koated Klique.  Don Juan immediately adopts his “Bitch, Please” deportment of disgust and Kandi knows right away that there’s a problem she missed while at the dippin’ sauce corral.  Carmon jumps in on the action and she and Don Juan rip Shamea to shreds and can’t believe she is taking information from a sorry ass beyotch who doesn’t even know that the Underground Railroad isn’t an actual train.  This means you, Porsha Williams-Stewart!  Kandi handles the skirmish calmly, but the viewers can see that she is seething underneath her swollen bosoms.

Don Juan - bitch please

Todd and Phaedra finally meet face to face to discuss the finance situation over the never-released Phine Pregnancy work out DVD.  Phaedra takes a dig at Todd in her one on one with the camera, insinuating his career is flailing and his allowance from Kandi isn’t cuttin’ the mustard greens.  Phaedra plays the “single mother I can’t afford to pay you” card and claims that she now wants to finish the DVD and release it so she can sell four copies.  Todd walks her through the budget and provides copies of her cancelled checks, which boils down to her owing him about $8K and a pregnancy photo for the cover of the DVD.  Time to pull out the old photos from the Phine pregnancy pickle shoot!

Phaedra - Pickle

In Porsha-Land, she is in L.A. working the Emmy’s red carpet for Dish Nation.  She spends most of her time getting primped and berating her sister Lauren for getting knocked up and leaving her high and dry without an assistant to reply to her e-mails and select the proper Bitmojis.  Porsha gives absolutely zero f*cks about the little life about to squeeze out of her sister’s cooter and expects her to find her own replacement and work up until the moment the water breaks on her rented Louboutin’s.

Kenya welcomes her dad, Ronald, for a visit.  He critiques the glass of water she serves him, her new house before he even sees it, and he offers suggestions for her dating adventures and suggests keeping a score card.  We learn that four days ago, Kenya attended a relationship seminar.  She realized that her dysfunctional family relationships are damaging her dating dealings.  Well duh!

Later, Kenya and Ronald go for a walk and she is trying to have a serious talk with him, but all of the sudden, Ronald turns into an arborist with a passion for trees.  Kenya gets him to stop licking the bark on the trees he’s admiring long enough to park it on a bench and chat.  We learn that Kenya ran away from her father after he moved the family to Houston, TX and then they didn’t speak for years.  Ronald felt like a failure after Kenya left and he throws in a tree analogy to symbolize his pain.  He makes Kenya feel bad for being a surly teenager, but newsflash Ronald…you were the adult.  You don’t get to pout.  Kenya wants to have a family reunion in Detroit, but Ronald is resistant and wants to leave things in the past.  I’m not sure how they ended this, nor do I really care.  They hug it out, hug a tree…annnnd scene!

At the Bailey Agency for Wayward Models, Cynthia meets with Marlo to help set up the venue for a “Customer Appreciation” knockoff eyewear promotion event where the Kandi Koated Klique and Porsha will stage their next fight.  Later, Cynthia and Papa Smurf meet up with Kandi and Todd for dinner.  Cynthia comments that Kandi is at the “booty do stage, where the belly sticks out more than the booty do!”  But Kandi won’t let her booty slow her down, she dutifully fills them in about the Porsha Phaedra, Shamea, Don Juan scuttlebutt.  Kandi adds that she has always been supportive of Porsha – apparently, Porsha released a single called “Flatline”.  Todd jokes that the single literally “flat lined”, which must be true.  We surely would have known about said single, I think we need a karaoke performance of this on WWHL…STAT!

Porsha - Flatline

Fast forward to Cynthia’s customer appreciation event so we can get this over with.  First off, what the ever-lovin’ hell is Marlo wearing?  Who does she think she is, Li’l Kim?

Marlo Dress

Porsha initiates a conversation with Kandi and takes her aside to discuss in private.  Of course Don Juan and Carmon will not permit the idiot hooker to talk to their leader alone.  The dynamic duo bops on over to provide backup for a conversation, of which they heard one sentence.  Don Juan apologizes for coming across aggressive, but he isn’t changing his stance that Porsha is an asshole slut from hell that smells of stadium hot dog water.  Porsha doesn’t want to talk in front of everyone and Kandi tells her they don’t have to talk at all, but “don’t expect no extra push from me, no extra shit from me!”  She’s pissed as hell, and she ain’t taking it anymore!!!  I have to say I wish this fightin’ Kandi would come out more, the pregnancy hormones must be making her feisty.  Porsha and Shamea storm out and Don Juan trails off, cracking another Underground Railroad joke.

Kandi Klique

At the end of the episode, Kandi meets Porsha for a confrontation lunch.  They try to make small talk, but fail miserably.  Kandi felt that Shamea and Don Juan should be part of the conversation since they witnessed the gossiping and Porsha wants to argue her side, but claims she isn’t taking sides between Kandi and Phaedra.  Kandi tells her that she is “full of shit”, and again I am enjoying this spirited “take no prisoners” Kandi.  Phaedra wanted Apollo gone before he even had to go, so Phaedra can’t play the “woe is me” card.  Kandi also points out that as an attorney, Phaedra is a master of manipulating the situation and she will not be attending any sip-n-see pity party.  Porsha, unexpected voice of reason, maturely points out that even though Phaedra wanted Apollo and his power drill to vanish, it didn’t make it any less painful.  With that, Kandi seems to simma down and they squash the beef.  Porsha asks if there is anything she can do to bring the Kandi/Phaedra machine back to life, but Kandi doesn’t see it ever getting back into proper working order.

Simma Down

Next week, Mama Joyce takes the law into her own hands and pays Counselor Parks a visit.  Kenya visits her mother, but I am not sure we will get an actual confrontation.