Welcome back to the set decorated entirely from the clearance bin at Pier One! A lot of talk during round two, and no action. Let’s round up the low lights:
- Charitable Donations
Kenya takes Nene to task for not writing a check for charity and calls her “rotten to your core.” Nene claims that if she is going to make a charitable donation, she doesn’t feel the need to announce it, and she’ll do it when she is dayum ready…mmmmkay! She neglects to add that her “Celebrity Apprentice” check went toward her new Petco teeth.
- Cynthia 2.0
Cynthia 2.0. has found a new clique, a clique that kicks Phaedra while she is down. Cynthia claims that when she presented the rumor about Phaedra’s affair with Mr. Chocolate, she was presenting her the opportunity to “shut it down and keep it movin’.” Phaedra is clearly pissed and there’s a lotta talking over each other. Cynthia winds the round by telling Ms. Parks to “win a case”. Cynthia has clearly forgotten Phaedra’s biggest win this season… Some Rando vs. Hairburglar, Derek J. These ladies are gonna cause me to catch a case.
- Friends for Never
The Ace Boon Coons, Kandi and Phaedra, are still on the outs…the waaaaay outs. We flash back to the clip where Phaedra actually got emotional over having a shortage of friends who give a crap about her and she learned that when her chips were down, it was Nene who was there to support her. Kandi’s voice starts rattling and she explains that there were other things going on in her life besides the cancellation of her horrible musical, “A Mother’s Love”. She too, had a fambly member going to prison, a crumbling marriage, and apparently she dropped her iPhone in the toilet and changed her number and never informed her BFFL. Phaedra gives one of her patented “at the end of the day” speeches, but Kandi appears to be done with her.
- Friend Swapping
No it’s not yet another new reality show, but the wives seemed to switch friends more often than they change their wig glue. Cynthia has moved out of Nene’s ass and into Kenya’s genetically modified one. Nene got tight with Phaedra and has “evolved from the Nene of yesteryear.” Phaedra notes that she and Nene became close because of where they are both currently “seated in life”. Yea, seated at the reunion from hell.
- Lupeter and the other Househusbands
No, Lupeter is not the latest winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, but it’s a new nickname for our very own Papa Smurf, Peter Thomas. Peter is still peach-less, but he ain’t speech-less. He isn’t afraid to say whatever the F*CK he wants to say, even if it means getting into the women’s bidness and looking like a punk. Speaking of looking like a punk, poor li’l Todd looks like he needs a booster seat, you can barely see him over the back of the couch. Anyway, Lupeter reiterates… “I don’t give a F*CK!” and Cynthia shoots him the death glare and threatens to wash his mouth out with the dirty sink water from Bar One. I guess Lupeter missed social poise day at the Bailey Agency for wayward models, where Cynthia sells “pipe dreams to little girls”.
- Sex, Lies, and Color Copies of Fabricated Texteses
Phaedra denies ever compromising her marriage for an unknown Mr. Chocolate and claims that she still loves Apollo. She thinks Apollo doctored the texteses, but Todd pipes up and says “he came by with color copies.” Phaedra addresses lunging at Kenya with her pocketbook over Brazilian meats and notes that she was at a breaking point. Mainly due to the meat sweats, but earlier that day, Apollo had refused to turn himself in, Bunn ran up on her perfectly manicured lawn with his crotch rocket, and Apollo had run toward her with a drill. And let’s not forget the bucket o’ hinges! Kenya doesn’t buy the “breaking point” excuse for bad behavior, after all, a blind man could see that Phaedra had time to get to the Mexican spa for a boob job, despite spinning power drills and flying hinges.
- Everybody Flirts
After Phaedra continued to call Kenya a whore, Kenya starts yelling “Everybody flirts!” and then draws Nene in by saying she flirted with Lupeter. Nene rears her Petco choppers back, Gregg secures her earrings, and Nene gives Kenya a very loud “HOLD UP!” accompanied by a waving acrylic fingernail of death. Nene will not be disrespected, she is NOT PHAEDRA, as she throws her new BFFL under the prison bus carrying Apollo. Gregg says he doesn’t care if Nene was flirting because “I won”, to which Kenya retorts “I’m glad you think you have a prize.”
Next week part three where Nene breaks down talking about her mom.