Rallied Up

Noelle homecoming.  Cynthia freakin’.  Kenya offering tips.  Cynthia freakin’.  Noelle modeling.  Noelle twirling.  Noelle walking in high heels on wood floor!  Cynthia rehearsing.  Keyna shrieking.  Kenya attitude coaching.  Kenya teaching twirl.  Cynthia teaching how to walk.

Noelle

Later… Cynthia closet.  Summons Peter.  Peter notes her ass got bigger in Philippines.  Douche nozzle.  Help Cynthia with fake Jamaican accent for role in Kenya’s pilot.  BLAH.

Kenya shooting fake pilot.  Ordering Production Assistant around like a red headed stepchild.  Cynthia can’t act.

Cynthia Acting

Nene and Gregg are at Sardi’s in NYC, Gregg daydreams of Nene being on the wall someday, but she is already snapping her fingers at the manager asking him why her picture isn’t on the wall NOW!  Their son, Brentt, is with them in NYC and Gregg thinks he needs rules and supervision, but Nene is a bit offended.  Gregg promises to watch over Brentt and instead of a family pinky swear, they engage in a French fry huddle.

French Fry Huddle

Phaedra back at work fake lawyering away and she calls in her assistant to relive the glory of her caffeine enema.  Phaedra is now refreshed from her mind to her bottom and she is ready to spearhead a “men’s rally” to empower minorities and adolescent boys who are fatherless.  She recounts the story she heard from the guide on the Philippines tour and she is fully inspired now that she has joined the ranks of “single parent”.  Phaedra contacts David Johns, White House Czar, for assistance with her rally.  He is all in and Phaedra suggests they brainstorm, circle back around, hammer out some details, and then drop some more buzz words and catch phrases in effort to appear as if she is really working on this.

Kandi is prepping for a “date night” with Todd and she calls in a stylist who shows up with a selection of outfits from the Forever 21 Ho Stroll Collection.  Todd has been in L.A. working and Kandi thinks “distance makes the panties get hotter”, when in reality it is causing her remote control panties to short out, presenting a fire hazard.  Riley walks in on the fashion show and thinks her mom is showing too much cleavage.

Kandi Cleveage

Later at the dinner date, Todd presents Kandi with flowers and they are excited to see each other after two weeks apart.  They both order “the salmon”, translation = we’re gonna get freaky tonight so we don’t want to eat too much.  Of course Kandi’s ass is growling and she orders a side of mac-n-cheese.  Kandi discusses the Philippines trip, but she still needs to “relieve some tension”, to which Todd responds, “are you ovulating?”  And just when you thought their romance was dead!  The conversation to follow is just odd and sad… Kandi mentions that she didn’t think they would make it to their one year anniversary and Todd mentions that his show was greenlit for another season, which means more time in L.A. and away from Kandi.  But what about the baby?  Todd doesn’t have time, they already have a blended family, he’s building his empire, and he still has that pesky Mama Joyce shrapnel embedded in his spine.  Kandi thinks they need to see each other at least every two weeks and he suggests she trot her ass out to L.A. for a while, but Kandi doesn’t want to leave Riley, although Todd points out if there were a move role in L.A., Kandi would be out there faster than she puts the mac-n-cheese down her gullet.  Kandi reminds Todd, “don’t forget the appointment with the fertility doctor tomorrow!”  Good lookin’ out…

It’s the day of Phaedra’s S.O.S. (Save Our Sons) rally charity event extravaganza.  Phaedra Parks takes the stage, but not without some fanfare.  She walks in escorted by a drumline and says a few words before handing over the mic to Judge Mathis, who prepares to tell these kids how to stay out of negative environments (irony, anyone?).

Judge Mathis

Meanwhile back in the kitchen, Phaedra assembles the ladies to serve up the lunch plates, because what better place to have a cat fight than the lunch lady line.  The ladies take their places, Nene is assigned to rolls, Cynthia beans, and Porsha, appropriately, is on meat.

Phaedra starts serving the plates while the panel is speaking and Peter decides to take the microphone and interrupt the speaker by saying “not to take the mic and interrupt, but…” and he continues to imply that the boys in the room are unintelligent rubes.  What an ass of epic proportion.  Judge Mathis…Ass whoopin’ at table 12!

Peter Mic

The only person Claw-dia is interested in serving is Nene, with a full plate o’ ass on blast.  She confronts her about storming out of the Dr. Jeff therapy sesh and they get so loud that the people in the main event room can hear them.  Ladies, ladies…has no one ever taught you how to work a lunch assembly line?  The chitlins be gettin’ cold!

Kenya arrives late, just as Nene is storming out because she has had enough harassment and her wig glue is melting after standing over the hot Sterno cans.  Phaedra and Porsha trail after Nene as she tells them that she is in a “good place in her life” and she doesn’t need “all the negativity”.  Nene hops in her black Escalade and heads for the airport.

Claw-dia continues to berate Nene in the kitchen, calling her “new money”, meaning she doesn’t know how to handle her success.  Another volunteer comes back to the kitchen and tells Claw-dia to shut up and plate up.

Next week is the season finale before 83 part reunion, Nene takes the Broadway stage, Kandi heads to L.A., Apollo calls peter from prison, and Life continues to twirl on into crazy land.

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