I’m Not Scurred

Back to Einstein’s to settle this shit between Cynthia and Nene.  Nene takes a time out and Kandi, master of the obvious, says “that didn’t go well.”  Of course not, Nene Leakes will never back down, even if she ran over a puppy, she would claim innocence.  When Nene finally returns to the group, she is very emotional, although it could just be an allergic reaction to the eyelash glue.  Phaedra smartly suggests that the rest of the gang excuse themselves and let these two have a moment.  Really all she wanted to do is get the hell out of there and go find a chicken wang or two.  Nene and Cynthia have a more sane moment to talk alone and the crux of the issue is that Nene didn’t like being called out for the first time by Cynthia in front of the cast mates at the reunion.  Annnnd Cynthia didn’t appreciate Nene calling Peter “a bitch”, so they both have good reasons to be consuming large amounts of haterade, but these two just can’t quit each other.  They collectively decide to move forward and they hug it out.  Cynthia is busily drawing up a new friendship contract in her head, but Nene tells us in her one-on-one that she doesn’t fully trust Cynthia and won’t make the same mistake twice.

Nene-Crying

Derek J. hobbles in his overstuffed Manolo’s to see Phaedra because he was accused of stealing a client’s nice, expensive, genuine horse hair weave right off her head and replacing it with cheap, flammable, used, 99¢ store weave.  The client posted some crap on the internet and put him on blast and Phaedra is happy to take on her first real the “hair burglar” case.  Later she drops by the “J Spot”, Derek’s salon, so she can prep for court by visiting the “weave of the crime”.  Derek shows her that weave is removed, washed, and reapplied in the same room, therefore said weave never would have left the client’s sight.  Another open and shut victory for Ms. Parks!

Phaedra-HideWeave

Nene and Gregg have a toilet mug full o’ tea and discuss the recent Cynthia fallout.  Nene still feels blindsided by her, but Gregg urges her to move forward with her valued friendship, albeit cautiously.  Meanwhile, across town, Cynthia and her loving, calm, understanding, hubby, recap their own version of the situation in their kitchen.  Cynthia seems happy that she and Nene are back together, but Peter feels that her “process is crazy.”  Nene did a bunch of “foul things” and Cynthia doesn’t hold her accountable.  Peter was happy being Nene-free and the past six months have been paradise.  He and Cynthia have been bangin’ like cymbals in a marching band.  As.  If.  We.  Needed.  To.  Know.  That?  Peter warns his bride to “address this right, or you gonna look like a punk!”  Yea, a punk in Steve Urkel glasses!

Kandi visits Todd in New York City, but she is not diggin’ the whole walking around thing.  Todd takes her on the subway to the Bronx where they enjoy the smells of “pee and booty.”  He shows her around his old hood, his school that looks like a jail, and comments on a stairwell where he lost his virginity?  WTMI Todd!  Kandi seems to have little interest until he ushers her into a pizza place for her own slice of heaven.  Then Todd takes her to a shoe store to get her dressed as an “aroundthewaygirl” and they try on “construction Tims” and thug hats.  They put their greazy pizza fingers all over the merchandise and walk out with ugly shoes and gangsta hats.  No really, you blend!

Cynthia has arrived in NYC as well, to walk in a fashion show for her ol’ designer friend, Kithe Brewster.  He asks her to close the show, which is a big deal, “everythang”.  Kithe is aghast at the size of Cynthia’s Atlanta ass and he asks one of his younger models to show “grandma city” how models now walk much faster.  Cynthia’s insecurities are showing and she hides in a corner with a bag of taco flavored Doritos.

Kandi and Todd meet Cynthia and Peter for dinner, but Cynthia is trying on some anorexia due to the impending fashion show.  They discuss the Mama Drama and Peter and Cynthia can relate.  Kandi still thinks they need to “move on”, but Todd feels that is Kandi’s technique of sweeping it under the rug.  After much bickering, Kandi plays the age card and thinks Mama should get a pass because she’s old and says crazy shit as a result.

Cynthia has a successful 50 foot walking endeavor and thank the Lawd that the double sided fashion tape stayed put!  Peter and Cynthia’s ex, Leon, were present to have a “Yeah, I tapped that” brother bonding moment of disgustingness and Kandi and Todd briefly congratulated Cynthia backstage before scooting off to meet Todd’s mother, Sharon.

Cynthia-Modeling

Sharon is at Sammy’s Fish Box, where she is already in two oversized margaritas deep.  Sharon starts in right away about Mama Joyce.  “Yo mama make me get a case!  She called me a prostitute, I ain’t never been no prostitute, check my résumé.”  Oh yaaaaasssss Sharon!  That phrase will be the new “check my charges”.  As if anyone would put “prostitute” on a résumé?  Kandi claims she can’t keep up with her Mama’s shit talkin’ and it turns ugly, and Kandi’s lips turn a hideous shade of “I’m about to throat punch you purple”.

Kandi-Purple lips

Todd demands that this be confronted.  Sharon wants an apology and she is madder than a wet hen, and way over salting her food.  Sharon is the only one on this show who can get away with muttering “I lost my appetite” as she shovels food in her mouth.  Kandi informs her that Mama Joyce will not apologize and Sharon’s solution is to punch Mama in the mouth and when she does, she will have back up to handle the “ol’ lady gang” that Mama carts around.  Sharon “ain’t scurred” and the problem is Mama Joyce ain’t either.  Sharon says Mama Joyce can expect something in the mail and she will “sue the bitch!”  On a side note, may Mama Sharon rest in peace!  She brought a new feistiness to this show.

Next week, a potential Kenya weave pull situation over another pretend man and Apollo is pawing a very uncomfortable Phaedra in public.

Advertisements

One thought on “I’m Not Scurred

  1. Love the weecaps, keep them coming. Cynthia is a beautiful woman but her attitude makes her ugly. Why does Peter care if Nene and Cynthia are friends? He’s encouraging her to be a hater! RUN TODD RUN…my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your Mother, but take your daughter and run from Joyce and her wimpy daughter, you deserve respect and face it, you get the opposite.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s