This season finale has been about as disenchanting as a flat glass of Fabellini. Since we have already heard about the sentencing handed down to Juicy and Tre, I will just be hitting a few of the low-lights:
Melissa and Tre get together, this is not important, but what is important is the gymnastic mat that Antonia and Milania have placed on the marble floor so they can do flips. This mat brought back so many good memories, like when a hammered Juicy attempted drunken tumbling on said gymnastic mat, but completely missed the mark and ended up busting his face. In case you missed it, see my post “Oh Joe He Di’int!”: https://realityweecap.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/oh-joe-he-di%E2%80%99int/
That’s what two…tree…four bottles of wine will do to ya’!
The Non –Dynamic Duo and Dina arrive at Abbey’s Farm where they will hold the Ladybug event. This house belongs to a friend of the twins, Abbey, and it is like a resort and is Bed, Bath, and Beyond fabulous. Why she is consenting to allow a bunch of psychotic, bat-shit crazy skanks to bring their weaves all up in da’ joint is beyond me. Dina will not tolerate any negative or nasty at her charity event, which may greatly diminish the guest list. Dina has provided security with a photo of Crypt Keeper, Victoria Gotti, and she will not be permitted past the moat. If anyone starts any shit, they will end up like those two sad sacks, Kathy and Jacs… all puffed up from eating sugary treats while sobbing and clamoring for camera time.
Ter-ess-uh gives the camera a one-on-one interview that will surely send her straight to hell. She believes that Tre and Juicy’s sentencing and demise of their fambly is a direct result of karma and she taps her wrists together and says “clink clink!” Now Ter-ess-uh, how dumb are you? Is that good Karma?
Amber Alert was growing her hair out for five years after she lost it all due to chemotherapy. She is finally getting it cut off and donating the hair. Her daughter can’t handle it and is having a major meltdown. Amber Alert later admits that she hopes the twins won’t recognize her with shorter hair. Well played, Amber Alert, well played!
Joe is pretending to break ground on his vacant lot where he plans to build his fake house. Melissa pretends she is JLo and does the poor white woman’s version of the cabbage patch dance on the vacant lot.
Dina is setting up for the Ladybug event and she has enough candy to kill the four Great Danes who live on Abbey’s Farms. Tre shows up for hair and makeup and does her due diligence (for once in her life) and she is sure to forewarn Dina that if the twins start shit, it’s on them.
The Non-Dynamic Duo is already getting fired up for a brawl during their car ride to the event. Their father, Sal, describes anger as “disappointed love”. Angry people don’t give or get love in their lives, that’s why Tre is a bitter ol’ skank.
Despite the pre-charity event wind up, the Ladybug fashion show actually comes off without incident. Antonia and Milania are too cute working the catwalk. Amber Alert takes Rino aside to discuss the elephant thong in the room, but Rino handles it diplomatically and makes it clear that he doesn’t agree with Jim pretending to be a housewife and shouldn’t be talking to women the way he does. The talk amicably annnnnd SCENE!
Across the room, the non-dynamic duo has a meeting of the mind and they decide now is the time to confront Tre. Bobby warns them not to expect an apology, and they charge in. Tre tries to clarify what was said between she and Crypt Keeper Gotti and she reiterates that Rino started the rumor about he and Santa. Nicole jumps in and calls Tre stupid, which is one of Tre’s hot buttons and Dina is ready for Tre to “flip a bitch”. Someone get security on that candy table…STAT! Tre tries to explain why she repeated the rumor to Dina and they end up agreeing to discuss things directly to each other going forward, and they hug it out. WHERE IS THE MEOW DOWN! I want to see weaves flying, drinks being thrown in botoxed faces, and Lee press on nails landing in the candy buffet!
We flash forward to October 2, 2014 and Juicy is sentenced to 41 months in jail and possible deportation. Teresa will serve 15 months. From what I understand, they will stagger the sentences so that the children will be cared for by at least one parent.
The Laurita’s and Wakile’s are gathered together and receive the news. A few breakdowns and some shocked reactions. Rosie reads a prayer from her “God, we are in deep shit” app on her smart phone, and this finishes the rather somber and lackluster season finale.
See you at the reunion, parts one through eighteen!