No Apologies

We start this week with the B-string cast members, the Laurita’s, Wakile’s, and Rosie, who are getting together to have cannoli and (according to Richie), play “Shack, Marry, Kill”.  Oy!  Kathy has invited the Non-Dynamic Duo over to fully integrate them into the hot ass mess.  Nicole already has Jacs labeled as a trouble maker and Richie and Chris interrogate Bobby to get the lowdown.  Bobby tells the boys that he and Nicole met at Dunkin’ Donuts and he can’t envision dunkin’ his donut in his butter pecan latte without Nicole by his side.  Richie also clarifies the difference between twin Ter-esss-uh, not “Fabellini” Teresa, who Richie calls “felonini”.  Score line of the night for Richie.

Meanwhile, the girls chat and discuss the ill-fated Florida trip and Nicole has no qualms exposing the rumor that was the highlight of the feuding.  I guess it’s okay to perpetuate your own rumor.  Jacs practically chokes on her boxed wine, which she is drinking through a straw.  Keepin’ it klassy, Jacs.  Rosie would have gone prison orange coo-coo pants by now if this rumor was said about her mother, and since the B-cast is too terrified to take on the likes of Victoria Gotti, they all nominate Tree for the dog house because she repeated the rumor.

Kathy-Jacs

Melissa and Amber Alert meet to check in and discuss Jim’s horrific douche-bag behavior and Melissa encourages her to discuss the situation with the twins at the upcoming, and also to be ill-fated, Ladybug charity event.  The only good thing about this charity event is that it signifies the end of the season, there is always the Bravo mandated “confrontation at a fashion-show, charity ball, social event” finale.

Later, the Non-Dynamic Duo go shopping for dresses to wear to the Ladybug Event and they try on some trashy dresses that look like they were made by “Project Runway” rejects during the Fredrick’s of Hollywood Challenge.  Ter-esss-uh is planning a “tasting party” and she plans to invite everyone except Amber Alert and Tre, so what better way to handle this than to call Melissa while she is at a spa day with the bot’ of dem.

Twins-Dresses

At the spa, Dina makes it crystal effing clear that she wants all the differences put aside so her Ladybug event is without incident.  Melissa takes the call from Ter-esss-uh and of course has her on speaker.  When Tre and Amber alert over hear that they are persona non grata at Ter-ess-uh’s tasting party, they crack up and pretend to be sad.  Dina vows to Tre that she will not allow anyone to talk bad about her at the tasting party, which sets these two up for a rift that will surely carry on into season 12.

Spa Day

Later, Amber Alert is getting naked at a horse stable to do a photo shoot to commemorate her breast cancer.  Jim looks on like a proud perv and after they are done, he walks outside and he is so bereft, he actually has to take a knee.  Jim later takes Amber Alert, wearing her best white eyeliner, to an art gallery for a romantic dinner and to view all of her cancer photos on display, on display, on display.  They talk about cancer, life is short, I don’t want you hanging out with those women, WHY ARE THESE TWO SKID MARKS ON THE UNDERPATNS OF SOCIETY ON THIS SHOW?

Amber-Posing

Tre and G to the ia go out to get pedicures and Tre talks about birth control and then tells G to the ia that she “had something taken out today”, which must mean an IUD.  That is all Tre needs is to pull the damn goalie and get pregnant before she is shipped off to prison camp.  She may not even have to worry about who will care for G to the ia because the poor kid is about to die of embarrassment.

It’s the night of Ter-esss-uh’s tasting party and Melissa takes the opportunity to confirm that everything is copacetic because she wants to bring Antonia to the Ladybug event and will not tolerate a bunch of hags fighting like cats in a pillowcase in front of her daughter.  They sort it out and come up with an outstanding solution that will happen when miniature, disabled, pot-bellied pigs fly out of Dina’s ass.  The twins want an apology from Tre for perpetuating the Santarinogate rumor and Dina volunteers to spearhead that effort.

In other news, Nicole and Bobby go to look at a huge southern style plantation mansion that Nicole thinks she is going to buy for herself.  Bobby anticipates getting engaged within the next year, so I am not sure why she would buy a house listed at $899,000 with royal blue shag carpet.  This is just annoying filler and we all know there is no way Nicole is even serious about buying this house.  We all know she wants to get engaged to Bobby, move in with him, and register at Bed, Bath, and Beyond a hot mess and Dunkin’ Donuts.

Dina sits down to meet with Melissa and Tre and she informs them that she got a nasty text from Amber Alert and she and Jim won’t have anything to do with the Ladybug event.  Dina is wary because she has only sold 105 tickets and now that Jim and Amber Alert are boycotting the event, they will not be inviting all of their imaginary friends.  Tre has come to the table bearing Ladybug sprinkle cookies and Melissa and Dina request that Tre apologize to the Non-Dynamic Duo for repeating the Santarinogate rumor.  I swear if Tre were “no longer a hot-tempered Italian” who “will not be provoked”, she would have flipped that Ikea kitchen table right through the ceiling, destroying Dina’s beloved shoe collection.

Tre-NotSorry

Tre turns the attack on Dina, who felt the need to repeat the rumor to the twin twits in the first place.  WORD!  Tre refuses to make any kind of regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure, as if this is a shocker?  Tre has enough drama in her life and she is appalled that the twins would even ask for an apology.  This sets up the drama for next week at the long anticipated Ladybug event where Tre may snap like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee.  Brace for impact…

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