Lines in the Sand…Mariah Carey Demands

In case you missed it last week, the gang is in Mexico, slugging down tequila shots and hurling insults as if this were the reunion show. Nene is still calling Peter Patricia a bitch and Cynthia finally stands up for her geriatric partner and she and her Steve Urkel glasses try to calm it down a notch…MMMMKAY!

Cynthia-Glasses

Peter calls Nene out for the name calling and she offers up her patented half-assed “sorry, not sorry” apology. Meanwhile, Cynthia is in the bathroom burning her friend contract in the trash can. Gregg felt like Peter stepped on his toes by confronting his woman and Peter diffuses by saying “we all need to grow.” Someone get Dr. V…STAT! Gregg warns Peter that he will grant him “one pass”, but that pisses Peter off more and he storms out while Nene is sitting in the corner having a cocktail and pulling faces.

Nene-MakingFace

Back in the ATL, it’s back to the grind, Kandi and Don Juan get right to it and the only member of the cast who has not firmed up her contract is Porsha. They review her list of “Mariah Carey demands” which include equal billing, her own dressing room, reimbursement for mileage to and from work, a fishbowl full of grape fun dip, and that her weave be fluffed-n-freshened every 90 minutes. Don Juan would be happy to address her list of demands, which is longer than famed stripper Re-DICK-ulous’…well…um…DICK, but alas…Don Juan can’t find his “give a f*ck!” He is ready to shit can Porsha and use the understudy. Porsha rolls in to discuss her contract as Kandi is reflecting on her contract-less debacle with Wiggs-n-cigs over “Tardy for the Party”. Kandi must straighten out this B.S. tout de suite with Porsha before it blows up in her face, so she calmly tells Porsha they will not likely meet her outlandish demands and they will have their attorney respond directly to Nene’s Porsha’s attorney.

Next up are the dueling recap scenes, Cynthia and Peter hammer through the Mexico mess in their closet. Simultaneously across town, Nene and Gregg have the same re-hash on their living room couch. Peter and Cynthia appear to be at their limit, but Nene and Gregg think it can be sorted out. “Those words ignited in me what I’d been marinating on”, utters Gregg…is he angry or just cookin’ up a juicy steak?

In a rare, genuine moment, Kandi visits her alma mater, Tri-Cities High School, to recruit two students to work on the production of “A Mother’s Love”. Kandi is reunited with her favorite teacher who used to take her to auditions and Kandi is very emotional. Principal Simms announces the two students who will take on the roles in Kandi’s play and Kandi gives a speech about how it’s not always the most talented, but it’s those who work the hardest who succeed. What about those who aren’t talented and don’t work hard??? Ahem…Porsha, this means you!

Kenya and Marlo are hanging out, dishing on the Mexico trip, and drinking something pink-n-fizzy. They are interrupted by a knock on the door and Kenya is having her fake baby delivered to go along with her fake boyfriend, fake booty, and all around fake life. Kenya is going to pretend to care for the baby like she is 16 and pregnant, but as soon as the baby coach leaves, Kenya tosses the baby into a chair, head first. The only cute part about this scene was poor Velvet, who seemed a bit affected by the mechanical baby. He put one ear down and lurked behind the couch, secretly plotting the precise moment he will gut the stuffing out of the baby, once Kenya and Marlo pass out from their Fabellini’s.

Velvet-Sad

It’s rehearsal time for Kandi’s play, but “Porshayoncé” has not shown up. Don Juan suggests she is busy opening for Kenya on the “Twirl Tour”. Actually, Porsha is out with her friends partying at a club to celebrate her being a divorcee and getting a “real job”. They meet a professional golfer at the club and he asks Porsha for her number. Porsha gives him such an amazingly, stupidly, awesome response “I’m in between phones right now”. If missing rehearsal so we could hear her deliver that line is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right!

Cynthia and Peter are ready to face off with Nene and Gregg in yet another empty restaurant. Gregg starts the meeting off by starting in about the inappropriate behavior at the fake masquerade ball. Peter lays it out, mentions that he didn’t appreciate the name calling, and he draws the line in the sand. Nene clarifies, she did not say he was a bitch, but he was acting like a bitch. SAME SHIT! She plays the “heat of the moment” defense, but admits that she may have been a tiny bit, maybe almost, kinda, sorta wrong, but then calls Peter a bitch again, 40 different ways. Nene claims that she values her relationship with Cynthia, but Gregg has trepidations. Peter convinces them all join in a handholding circle, the friendship contract rises from the ashes, and they all air kiss and make up.

Makeup circle

Next week, Porsha gets a lecture about her shittay, non-existent work ethic, Nene is passing on scripts as if she can afford to, Cynthia and Peter continue to fight about their finances, and Todd and Mama Joyce face off, AGAIN!

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