Ace Boon Coon

We start this week with Cynthia and Nene swimsuit shopping in preparations for the Mexico couples trip to hell.  Nene plans to focus on the sun and Gregg, and that’s probably a good plan since she will be surrounded by her mortal enemies.  Cynthia reveals she hasn’t spoken to anyone since the Bailey Bowl debacle, “when everything went to the left.”  Whatever do you mean, prods Ms. Leakes, the shit stirring master.  Cynthia starts to talk, but Nene shuts her down like a bad Ferris wheel and tells her never to speak of Marlo in her presence.  Nene may be strictly dickly, but she is also just REDICK!  Cynthia shuts up and stares at the floor, not making eye contact, like a dog who just shit on the bed.

Kenya drops by Marlo’s house so they can cocktail it up and trash talk Nene.  Marlo admits that she feels really awful about what happened, but her short lived glimmer of self-awareness is quickly snuffed when she decides to plant a shit seed and tell Kenya that Nene started detaching from her when Marlo shoved her nose up Kenya’s stallion booty.  Rather than take personal responsibility, they decide that Nene’s rage fueled anger is stemming from the cancellation of “The New Normal”.  “What goes up must come down”, Kenya gloats.  Meanwhile, Nene is hangin’ with Tony Dovolani, practicing her Cha Cha for a paycheck.

Nene-Tony

Phaedra and her family are outside, Ayden is cleaning the pool, trying to catch frogs with the skimmer, asking them to “respond, respond!”  His cuteness almost overshadows the discontent between his parents.  Ayden loses interest in playing pool boy, so Apollo assigns him to window washing duty.  Apollo ignores the fact that his son is too young to be playing with Windex and moves on to more important matters, what happened at the Bailey Bowl.  Phaedra explains that it got straight up “hoodlicious” between Nene and Marlo, which she doesn’t understand because Marlo was Nene’s “Ace Boon Coon”.  Now before you get excited, this is not racial, but an old southern saying, meaning “my dawg”, “my number one girl”, “my ride or die friend.”

Phaedra tells Apollo about the Mexico couples trip, planned by the ever-single Ms. Moore Whore.  Phaedra “would rather have Porsha take my black history final exams” than go on that trip.  Not to mention last year, with Kenya, Apollo, and all their foolishness, which will be re-visited next week.  Apollo pouts because he and his backpack are banned from the trip, but Phaedra ain’t havin’ no “Rentley drivin’, no man havin’, harlett in Atlanta, Kenya Whore Moore, Moore Whore” anywhere near her identity stealing, inappropriate texting, droppin’ $5K at the strip clubbin’, hubby.

Meanwhile, across town, Peter and Kordell have a sit down so that “Pete” can dig up the dirt on what really happened with Kordell’s divorce.  Kordell exposes the fact that Porsha’s family was meddling in their relationship.  For example, his meddling mother in law sat on a large white chair in his master bedroom, watching TV, eating a large pepperoni pizza.  I could see that, after all she does like to roll around on countertops.  That is just disrespectful; everybody knows you don’t get pepperoni on a pizza.  Peter holds up his texting thumbs and asks why he announced his divorce, unbeknownst to Porsha, via Twitter.  Kordell said Porsha asked him to file for divorce months prior, this was not news.  AND FURTHERMORE…Porsha was a financially irresponsible “knucklehead” and Kordell didn’t need no stinkin’ pre-nup because he didn’t put her name on any of their assets.  Peter’s old brain is relieved now that he knows the other side of the truth and his fact-finding mission is a clear success.  He now has the necessary tools to instigate a shit show on the Mexico trip!

Kenya and Lawrence arrive in Mexico a day early so they can make sure everything is perfect, and by “everything”, Kenya means the placement of the 8 x 10 glossy photos of herself in each woman’s room.  Kenya will stay in the El Presidente suite, which is amazing, but I am surprised is meets her square footage requirements.  She and Lawrence admire the private pool and Kenya utters that she “may do somethin’ strange for a little bit o’ change!”  You already have, darling, you already have.  Kenya decides it will be a super idea to dress Lawrence up in a poncho and a beard and practice twirling, which he has down to a science.  His footwork is spectacular.

Mexico Arrival

The ladies arrive at the airport, but Phaedra is going to be late, or may not make it, or can’t find her passport, or would rather be deloused in women’s prison.  Kandi is on CP time and is the last to arrive as usual.  The gang piles into the limo and Peter decides this is the most opportune time to confront Porsha out about his convo with Kordell.  Porsha actually handles it well and she has dodged the “confront me about my nasty pending divorce bullet”…for now.  I’m sure that later, there will be some ugly, confrontational conversation over tequila and tamales.

Kenya greets everyone at the hotel and she and Lawrence twirl around in their ponchos.  Kenya takes everyone to another Presidente suite and announces that it’s for Nene as a token of her remorse for stirring up shit at the pillow talk party.  Gregg immediately makes the outdoor chaise lounge his Ace Boon Coon and starts spanking his own ass.  If lovin’ Gregg is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Greg-Spank

Cynthia drops by Porsha’s room to clear the air about the Kordell issue, since she didn’t have the backbone to muzzle her husband in the limo ride.  Then Cynthia tries to play this pathetic joke by telling Porsha that Kordell is coming to Mexico so she won’t be lonely.  What.  The.  Ever.  Lovin’.  F*ck??  Porsha implies that she has some secrets about Kordell that she could have let loose, but she doesn’t see where she would benefit from mudslinging.  But she will of course go ahead and heavily imply that he’s homosexual.  More on that later…

It’s the big night of the welcome to hell dinner and Kenya has announced that she scrambled up the seating arrangements so they can interact with others.  Phaedra and Apollo roll in super late and they get the privilege of sitting together.  Me thinks Apollo will be on a very short leash for this trip.  Gregg decides to stir up the Kordell/Porsha drama and he implies that Porsha has not done everything she can possibly do to save her marriage.  Todd asks Porsha to clarify on whether she is done being married to the human thumb, or teetering.  Porsha explains that many things changed within the first year of their marriage and Peter busts out with the version he got from Kordell.  Porsha explains that Kordell “broke their agreement and his celebrity was tainted” and Porsha did him a favor and had a plan to salvage his image.  Kenya lays it out saying Porsha basically singed on to be his beard.  Phaedra doesn’t think it’s any of Kenya’s business, after all she would sport a beard, goatee, or hair anywhere on her body if she could land a man.

Kenya says Porsha sounds like a broke down Olivia Pope and Peter agrees, calling her a PR campaign manager for Kordell.  Finally, Gregg and Kandi attempt to stand up for Porsha and they don’t think she was bearding for Kordell, otherwise she would not have been so hurt by the marriage crashing and burning.  At that moment, Kenya decides to stop the defense of the shit stirring short and she shouts it from the thatched rooftops how happy she is to host everyone, Viva Mexico!

Viva Mexico

Next week accusations fly, an anaconda eats a small family of rats, a fertility ritual, and Apollo and Kenya face off.

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