Lines in the Sand…Mariah Carey Demands

In case you missed it last week, the gang is in Mexico, slugging down tequila shots and hurling insults as if this were the reunion show. Nene is still calling Peter Patricia a bitch and Cynthia finally stands up for her geriatric partner and she and her Steve Urkel glasses try to calm it down a notch…MMMMKAY!

Cynthia-Glasses

Peter calls Nene out for the name calling and she offers up her patented half-assed “sorry, not sorry” apology. Meanwhile, Cynthia is in the bathroom burning her friend contract in the trash can. Gregg felt like Peter stepped on his toes by confronting his woman and Peter diffuses by saying “we all need to grow.” Someone get Dr. V…STAT! Gregg warns Peter that he will grant him “one pass”, but that pisses Peter off more and he storms out while Nene is sitting in the corner having a cocktail and pulling faces.

Nene-MakingFace

Back in the ATL, it’s back to the grind, Kandi and Don Juan get right to it and the only member of the cast who has not firmed up her contract is Porsha. They review her list of “Mariah Carey demands” which include equal billing, her own dressing room, reimbursement for mileage to and from work, a fishbowl full of grape fun dip, and that her weave be fluffed-n-freshened every 90 minutes. Don Juan would be happy to address her list of demands, which is longer than famed stripper Re-DICK-ulous’…well…um…DICK, but alas…Don Juan can’t find his “give a f*ck!” He is ready to shit can Porsha and use the understudy. Porsha rolls in to discuss her contract as Kandi is reflecting on her contract-less debacle with Wiggs-n-cigs over “Tardy for the Party”. Kandi must straighten out this B.S. tout de suite with Porsha before it blows up in her face, so she calmly tells Porsha they will not likely meet her outlandish demands and they will have their attorney respond directly to Nene’s Porsha’s attorney.

Next up are the dueling recap scenes, Cynthia and Peter hammer through the Mexico mess in their closet. Simultaneously across town, Nene and Gregg have the same re-hash on their living room couch. Peter and Cynthia appear to be at their limit, but Nene and Gregg think it can be sorted out. “Those words ignited in me what I’d been marinating on”, utters Gregg…is he angry or just cookin’ up a juicy steak?

In a rare, genuine moment, Kandi visits her alma mater, Tri-Cities High School, to recruit two students to work on the production of “A Mother’s Love”. Kandi is reunited with her favorite teacher who used to take her to auditions and Kandi is very emotional. Principal Simms announces the two students who will take on the roles in Kandi’s play and Kandi gives a speech about how it’s not always the most talented, but it’s those who work the hardest who succeed. What about those who aren’t talented and don’t work hard??? Ahem…Porsha, this means you!

Kenya and Marlo are hanging out, dishing on the Mexico trip, and drinking something pink-n-fizzy. They are interrupted by a knock on the door and Kenya is having her fake baby delivered to go along with her fake boyfriend, fake booty, and all around fake life. Kenya is going to pretend to care for the baby like she is 16 and pregnant, but as soon as the baby coach leaves, Kenya tosses the baby into a chair, head first. The only cute part about this scene was poor Velvet, who seemed a bit affected by the mechanical baby. He put one ear down and lurked behind the couch, secretly plotting the precise moment he will gut the stuffing out of the baby, once Kenya and Marlo pass out from their Fabellini’s.

Velvet-Sad

It’s rehearsal time for Kandi’s play, but “Porshayoncé” has not shown up. Don Juan suggests she is busy opening for Kenya on the “Twirl Tour”. Actually, Porsha is out with her friends partying at a club to celebrate her being a divorcee and getting a “real job”. They meet a professional golfer at the club and he asks Porsha for her number. Porsha gives him such an amazingly, stupidly, awesome response “I’m in between phones right now”. If missing rehearsal so we could hear her deliver that line is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right!

Cynthia and Peter are ready to face off with Nene and Gregg in yet another empty restaurant. Gregg starts the meeting off by starting in about the inappropriate behavior at the fake masquerade ball. Peter lays it out, mentions that he didn’t appreciate the name calling, and he draws the line in the sand. Nene clarifies, she did not say he was a bitch, but he was acting like a bitch. SAME SHIT! She plays the “heat of the moment” defense, but admits that she may have been a tiny bit, maybe almost, kinda, sorta wrong, but then calls Peter a bitch again, 40 different ways. Nene claims that she values her relationship with Cynthia, but Gregg has trepidations. Peter convinces them all join in a handholding circle, the friendship contract rises from the ashes, and they all air kiss and make up.

Makeup circle

Next week, Porsha gets a lecture about her shittay, non-existent work ethic, Nene is passing on scripts as if she can afford to, Cynthia and Peter continue to fight about their finances, and Todd and Mama Joyce face off, AGAIN!

Who Gon’ Check Me, Dawg?!?!

Back in sultry Mexico, it’s 1:30 in the morning and Phaedra walks into the bar rockin’ her “Aww hell naw” stare because her hubby is chatting with the strictly dickly, verboten Miss Kenya Whore.  Phaedra confronts the drunk dynamic duo and all Apollo can utter is that “everybody wants to be bygones”.  Before Phaedra can respond to his idiocy, Nene and Porsha come in like gangbusters and Apollo jumps up “saved by the bell!”  More like saved by the shrill.  Phaedra is still ticked off that “this ol’ wilted up whore is trying to refresh this mess with Apollo.”  Apollo beelines for the bar, but Phaedra is more than over it and stalks off, only to find out she doesn’t have her room key.

Kenya shakes off Phaedra’s discontent and instead, shakes Apollo’s hand and they agree to move on and be “friends with benefits”.  Porsha and Nene grill Apollo for the deets on what went down.  Apollo still claims nothing was going on and he isn’t a kid who needs babysitting.  If that’s true, he may want to lose the Charlie Brown backpack.  Nene and Porsha try to explain the lines of respect in a marriage, but he’s too hopped up on tobacco and tequila to get it.  Apollo seeks out his wayward wife, who is locked out of their hotel room, holding in her pee.  She’s annoyed and she needs to pee, back away Apollo.  Have we taught you nothing?!?!  Apollo no understand…she came in to the bar all “juvial”.  At this point, it is all our sweet Phaedra can do to keep herself from shivving his eyes out.  She gently corrects him, “jovial” and he responds with “tomato, tomahto…juvial, jovial.”  Word, not a word…I married you, now I hate you…” aww hell, what’s the point?

The next day, Keyna and Lawrence are frolicking in the ocean, Moore Whore is careful not to get her weave wet and Lawrence tries to preserve his flowing caftan from the Mrs. Roper collection by K-Mart.

Kenya Ocean

Cynthia and Peter join Kenya and Lawrence on the beach to find out what went down the evening prior.  Lawrence says Kenya and Apollo have Angelina and Brad’s chemistry…discuss.  After he stirs that shit pot, he flies away on his magic caftan.  Kenya delivers her version of events along with her impression of Phaedra’s “screw face”.  She advises Peter to stay out of it, if he doesn’t have a pair of breasts, he can’t play.  Kenya insists this is all silliness, she doesn’t need Apollo because she can get dick, her mail, and a hammer anywhere…the mailbox, the Home Depot…she has 99 problems and a dick ain’t one!  Besides, she has that non-existing African boyfriend, riiiight?

Kenya Screw Face

Meanwhile, Apollo approaches his wife, calling her “Dr. Nida” and he presents her with a lily and calls it a “rose for thought”.  Yes he is just that stupid and yes Phaedra, when you kill him in his sleep, we will not tell anyone where you have buried the body.  Apollo asks her for help because he stretched his “medulla oblongata”, which makes no sense.  He just picked a random medical term because he thought it was funny.  He should have asked her for help with his “wenis”.  Just f*ckin’ Google it, people!  Phaedra is trying to study for her mortuary exams and she is officially over his stupidity and lack of judgment.

Apollo enlists Kandi’s help orchestrate a surprise dinner to celebrate Phaedra’s birthday and to try and make nice.  He walks Phaedra into the restaurant with a blindfold on, which she must have been wearing while she got dressed because her outfit is hideous.  They have a piñata and Phaedra starts swinging at it like Apollo swung on Brandon as if it were Kenya.  Kandi takes a swing at it, busts it open, and multi-colored irregular condoms fly out everywhere.

Pinata

Porsha visualizes that the piñata is Kordell and she smashes it so hard, it knocks over the birthday cake.  It’s time for “awkward speech of the night”, Apollo takes the mic and thanks Phaedra for being the mother to his children and “let’s just move forward.”  (Insert sound of Scooby Doo saying “err??” here)

Scooby-Confused

Kenya has planned a circle jerk of epic proportions and Phaedra smells the bullshit a mile away.  No, the beanbag chairs are not arranged in a perfect semi-circle in order to play a rousing game of “Catchphrase”, but Kenya has decided it would be so super if they could have do-over of the ill-fated pillow talk party from hell.  Because that worked out so well for everyone the first time.  Porsha answers her stupid question first, then Nene draws drama fueled one, “Name something that annoys you about another couple in the room.”

Nene decides to put Porsha on blast and say that her ignorance is annoying and she needs to educate herself before she speaks.  Peter tries to jump in and it pisses everyone off, including Gregg, who sets the stage for the previews that have been hyped for two weeks of the two titanium hips fighting.  Nene rages on Kandi next because apparently Kandi asked Nene if she still got that “not so fresh feeling”.  Nene is highly offended because she is in her 40’s (LIE) and could get pregnant tonight (PLEASE DON’T).

Todd jumps in and lectures Nene about her delivery and the way she says things.  Bottom line, Nene can’t take constructive criticism and she still gets her period.  Yay, can we just move forward?  Next, Lawrence has to define what constitutes cheating, he only feels that emotional cheating (not physical) is cheating.  He also believes that all men cheat, so of course he throws to Phaedra and Apollo.  Phaedra doesn’t hesitate, if you cheat, don’t get married and if it happens on her watch, “it’s deuces, I’m done with it.”  Foreshadowing?  Apollo thinks everyone cheats, and if Phaedra wants to cheat, his only stipulation is that she uses a condom.  Ahhh…creepy piñata contents explained.  And clearly, their marriage is about to crumble like an Oreo in the death grip of a pre-menstrual 40 year old woman!  As if it wasn’t bad enough, Apollo then gives the craziest ass analogy I think I have ever heard…you have to carry insurance, you don’t plan on your house burning down, but when it does you can call Geico!  How Phaedra did not manage to poison him during this trip is beyond me.  Beauty fades, but stupid lasts 4-EVA!  The only thing that gives me solace is that I know this smart, southern belle, beyotch has an iron clad pre-nup.

Kenya wraps up what she calls the “healthy debate” and ends the pillow talk redux by dismissing all the men so the women can have girl time to clear the air once and for all, leave it in Mexico, and not take it back to the ATL.  Kenya asks Nene what’s going on with Marlo, but Nene won’t discuss it.  So she moves on to Phaedra and why she is mad about her talking with Apollo.  Phaedra puts it simply, Kenya is crossing the line, they don’t want to be her friend, and she wants to “slap the dog shit” out of Kenya.  Well said, counselor.  Kenya cranks her Kitchen Aid 5000 shit stirring mixer to high speed and she tells Phaedra not to speak for her husband, because he agreed to be her friend with benefits.  Phaedra calls Kenya “manipulative and ratchet” and Kenya starts to flip out.  Nene is quietly in the corner murmuring “okay Twirl…”  Porsha tries to speak up and discredit Kenya because she doesn’t understand, having not been married or ever in a real relationship, but Kenya jumps all over her, throwing out the words “arranged marriage” and “beard.”  Just goes to prove you don’t have to be married to be an asshole.  Porsha decides that it’s getting too ugly and decides to step out of it.  Phaedra and Kenya agree to not trust one another, but they will keep it moving.  Kenya is not to be talking with Apollo alone, but we will see how that goes.

After the men were sent off to purgatory, they got into a heated discussion of their own.  Gregg must be menstruating too because he decides that now is the time to bring up his issue with Peter getting up in Nene’s grill at the masquerade charity party.  Which actually didn’t happen, Nene stomped up on Peter, but who is paying attention to those details aside from the cameras?  The two macho men argue a bit, bump their bellies chests, and then it’s full blown turn up time.  The fuse on Gregg’s manpon is lit and these two go off the rails like misguided, child pop stars.  Todd, who is way too little for this, jumps in the middle and practically gets checked by Gregg while Gregg shouts “Don’ check me dawg!”

Peter-Gregg-Fight

The ladies hear the shouting and run over to the room to see what it’s about, Peter starts to explain and Nene, AGAIN, gets up in his grill, advising him to stay out of the women’s bidness.  “We don’t like Patricia, we like Peter.  Stop trying to roll wit’ the women and stop being a dayum bitch.”  Wow…just…wow.

Nene-Peter-Fight

Next week, the Cynthia and Nene alliance may be broken beyond repair and Porsha has Mariah Carey demands on the set of Kandi’s musical.

Grab Your Nuts

Kenya and Lawrence trash talk over breakfast, of course Kenya has done her Stallion Booty DVD work out on a loop since she awoke at 5 a.m.  She doesn’t want to leave Mexico looking like Phaedra.  I don’t care what Lawrence, the ass sucking clown says, Kenya is not a size 4.  CHILE PUH-LEAZE!  Somewhere across the isthmus, I am sure Phaedra is slinging a slut insults at Kenya.  Kenya and Lawrence move on to trash talk Porsha, her arranged marriage, bearding, and all.  Lawrence notes that if Kordell is perceived as being “gay”, there isn’t enough Don Julio in all of Mexico to wash away those perceptions.  Poor Kordell, he thought he was getting a trophy wife, but all he got was an unauthenticated certificate good for one coloring book.  Next on the agenda is Apollo, what a liar, what a skeeze bag, all he tries to do is “save phace” with Phaedra.  No better way to clear the air than a drunken one-on-one behind Phaedra’s back.  More on that later…

Kenya and her yellow romper take the gang hostage on a day trip to go swimming in some ice cold water in a cave with bats.  The gang travels in two cars and we are treated to dueling conversations about outdoor showers and the jumbled up seating arrangements during the welcome to the fires of hell dinner.  Kenya, the master of producer mandated conflict, spearheads a convo about Todd and Kandi’s pending nuptials, which are still flailing due to family drama.  Peter goes all Dr. Phil on Kandi’s ass because she is in LaLa land thinking that by getting married, the Mama drama will vanish.  Todd speaks up about Kandi and Mama Joyce needing therapy, and if Kandi won’t shit or get off the pot, he doesn’t know how long he can hold it down.  A veiled threat, but Todd lightens the mood by saying Kandi needs to take a stand with mama, “that’s what it is man, like grab yer nuts!”  And grab Mama by the weave and throw her out of that house you are paying for…just a thought.

The gang arrives at their destination and everyone freaks out over a li’l anaconda that could, writhing around on the walking path.  Phaedra whips out her prayer cloth and exclaims a few “OH LAWD’S” and suggest the snake be taken directly to Jimmy Choo.  Kenya is over it, she has seen bigger snakes in her bedroom.  Yes, the kind attached to invisible boyfriends.

The gang admires the caves, oohing and ahhing over stalactites, stalagmites, and some crazy face eating bats.  They arrive at an area with a fresh spring, but nobody wants to go for a swim except for Kenya and Apollo.  Kenya exclaims “it’s the fountain of youth”, but that doesn’t persuade any takers. 

Caves

Apollo chicken shits out and everyone is awkwardly standing around.  Eventually Porsha “grabs her nuts”, throws her weave in a pony, straps on the life support cummerbund, and gets her bearded arse in the water.  The whole scene is bizarre, then as Kenya gets out of the water, Apollo waits, then watches her ass as she goes up the stairs at the precise moment when it was totally noticeable.

Kenya plans another excursion, but only for the ladies who have supported her in the artificial insemination arts.  Translation = Porsha and Phaedra get a day off to kick it at their private pool, drink their faces off, and fantasize about Kenya jumping off a bridge with weights around her neck.  The other ladies gather in a circle with a shaman who waves smoke in their faces, facilitating Kenya’s fake tears.  The shaman gives them a two-fer blessing since Kandi hopes to reproduce as well.  Cynthia is hoping that the shaman doesn’t accidentally bless her.  Lawd knows she doesn’t want to raise another child, let alone with that jack wagon of a hubby she calls Uncle Ben.

Shaman

Kenya tearfully discusses her dreams with the ladies and reveals that she had a former boyfriend who had a son and a potential wonderful mother in law, but it didn’t work out because she is always pushing men away.  They all talk about how they were moms before they got married and Kenya realizes she can actually learn something from all these women that she hates.

The 30 second interstitial, which TiVo will almost indefinitely blow past at the 43 minute mark, is the gang on a party bus actually being silly and having a good time.  I am not sure what the hell Phaedra is wearing, but I am sure she did not get the “Leggings are not pants” memo.  Annnd our lovely Cynthia, dressed to the nines, giving good wife, tens across the board, is doing the FREAKING ROBOT!

The men go for a cigar smoking and drinking sesh so they can bond and pollute their lungs and minds.  Peter pulls a producer mandated discussion topic from the hat and lo and behold, the topic is Kandi and Todd!  Just as Peter and Apollo are beginning to give Todd some solid bro advice, Kenya, her floral romper, and Lawrence crash the party.  Kenya grabs a cigarlette and dips it into Apollo’s cognac and explains that “when you suck, you suck the flavor of the liquor”, Peter hones in on the word “suck” and suggests she uses the word “pull”, as if in some perverse universe that is actually more appropriate.

CigarParty

Kenya makes a left at Inappropriate Lane and hangs a sharp right on That is Just Wrong on So Many Levels Avenue and she asks Peter if he refused to get into the cave spring water because he was afraid of shrinkage.  Then she encourages the men to start doing relentless tequila shots with her and she pulls Apollo up to the bar to “assist” her in ordering another round.  Because the bidness of tequila shot ordering in Mexico is a wily li’l minx.  Todd and Peter tell Apollo it’s a setup and warn him to stay away, but Kenya drags him aside in attempt to have her drunken heart to heart about what really happened with “you’ve got sext gate”.  Todd tries to hover, but Apollo pulled his big boy pants out of his back pack and insists he can handle the Kenya vortex of doom.

Kenya tells Apollo that when she and Phaedra fell out, he started treating her differently.  Kenya is working harder than her Colorstay® lip gloss in order to get Apollo to admit that nothing happened between them.  She knows Apollo is making all of this up in order to cover up what he is really doing.  Apollo won’t really let her get a word in edge wise and he is drunk and wayward from cigar smoke.  He basically says that if he had the chance with her and he wanted to, he would have jumped on it.  The operative words are “if he had the chance” and “wanted”, which tells me he didn’t have the chance or want to, but Kenya ain’t buyin his shit or his DVD.

Apollo-Kenya

Peter sees Kandi and Phaedra approach, “it’s about to jump off”.  He suggests the men migrate over to the bar to avoid the impending eruption.  Kandi whispers to Phaedra “It’s turn up time” and Phaedra is not pleased.  She asks what the hell is goin’ on and Apollo’s Phace looks like it has seen a ghost.

Phaedra-NotPleased

Next week, we get to see Phaedra’s reaction and it looks like Peter and Gregg get into an Uncle Ben shouting match over who used the last Depends®.

Ace Boon Coon

We start this week with Cynthia and Nene swimsuit shopping in preparations for the Mexico couples trip to hell.  Nene plans to focus on the sun and Gregg, and that’s probably a good plan since she will be surrounded by her mortal enemies.  Cynthia reveals she hasn’t spoken to anyone since the Bailey Bowl debacle, “when everything went to the left.”  Whatever do you mean, prods Ms. Leakes, the shit stirring master.  Cynthia starts to talk, but Nene shuts her down like a bad Ferris wheel and tells her never to speak of Marlo in her presence.  Nene may be strictly dickly, but she is also just REDICK!  Cynthia shuts up and stares at the floor, not making eye contact, like a dog who just shit on the bed.

Kenya drops by Marlo’s house so they can cocktail it up and trash talk Nene.  Marlo admits that she feels really awful about what happened, but her short lived glimmer of self-awareness is quickly snuffed when she decides to plant a shit seed and tell Kenya that Nene started detaching from her when Marlo shoved her nose up Kenya’s stallion booty.  Rather than take personal responsibility, they decide that Nene’s rage fueled anger is stemming from the cancellation of “The New Normal”.  “What goes up must come down”, Kenya gloats.  Meanwhile, Nene is hangin’ with Tony Dovolani, practicing her Cha Cha for a paycheck.

Nene-Tony

Phaedra and her family are outside, Ayden is cleaning the pool, trying to catch frogs with the skimmer, asking them to “respond, respond!”  His cuteness almost overshadows the discontent between his parents.  Ayden loses interest in playing pool boy, so Apollo assigns him to window washing duty.  Apollo ignores the fact that his son is too young to be playing with Windex and moves on to more important matters, what happened at the Bailey Bowl.  Phaedra explains that it got straight up “hoodlicious” between Nene and Marlo, which she doesn’t understand because Marlo was Nene’s “Ace Boon Coon”.  Now before you get excited, this is not racial, but an old southern saying, meaning “my dawg”, “my number one girl”, “my ride or die friend.”

Phaedra tells Apollo about the Mexico couples trip, planned by the ever-single Ms. Moore Whore.  Phaedra “would rather have Porsha take my black history final exams” than go on that trip.  Not to mention last year, with Kenya, Apollo, and all their foolishness, which will be re-visited next week.  Apollo pouts because he and his backpack are banned from the trip, but Phaedra ain’t havin’ no “Rentley drivin’, no man havin’, harlett in Atlanta, Kenya Whore Moore, Moore Whore” anywhere near her identity stealing, inappropriate texting, droppin’ $5K at the strip clubbin’, hubby.

Meanwhile, across town, Peter and Kordell have a sit down so that “Pete” can dig up the dirt on what really happened with Kordell’s divorce.  Kordell exposes the fact that Porsha’s family was meddling in their relationship.  For example, his meddling mother in law sat on a large white chair in his master bedroom, watching TV, eating a large pepperoni pizza.  I could see that, after all she does like to roll around on countertops.  That is just disrespectful; everybody knows you don’t get pepperoni on a pizza.  Peter holds up his texting thumbs and asks why he announced his divorce, unbeknownst to Porsha, via Twitter.  Kordell said Porsha asked him to file for divorce months prior, this was not news.  AND FURTHERMORE…Porsha was a financially irresponsible “knucklehead” and Kordell didn’t need no stinkin’ pre-nup because he didn’t put her name on any of their assets.  Peter’s old brain is relieved now that he knows the other side of the truth and his fact-finding mission is a clear success.  He now has the necessary tools to instigate a shit show on the Mexico trip!

Kenya and Lawrence arrive in Mexico a day early so they can make sure everything is perfect, and by “everything”, Kenya means the placement of the 8 x 10 glossy photos of herself in each woman’s room.  Kenya will stay in the El Presidente suite, which is amazing, but I am surprised is meets her square footage requirements.  She and Lawrence admire the private pool and Kenya utters that she “may do somethin’ strange for a little bit o’ change!”  You already have, darling, you already have.  Kenya decides it will be a super idea to dress Lawrence up in a poncho and a beard and practice twirling, which he has down to a science.  His footwork is spectacular.

Mexico Arrival

The ladies arrive at the airport, but Phaedra is going to be late, or may not make it, or can’t find her passport, or would rather be deloused in women’s prison.  Kandi is on CP time and is the last to arrive as usual.  The gang piles into the limo and Peter decides this is the most opportune time to confront Porsha out about his convo with Kordell.  Porsha actually handles it well and she has dodged the “confront me about my nasty pending divorce bullet”…for now.  I’m sure that later, there will be some ugly, confrontational conversation over tequila and tamales.

Kenya greets everyone at the hotel and she and Lawrence twirl around in their ponchos.  Kenya takes everyone to another Presidente suite and announces that it’s for Nene as a token of her remorse for stirring up shit at the pillow talk party.  Gregg immediately makes the outdoor chaise lounge his Ace Boon Coon and starts spanking his own ass.  If lovin’ Gregg is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

Greg-Spank

Cynthia drops by Porsha’s room to clear the air about the Kordell issue, since she didn’t have the backbone to muzzle her husband in the limo ride.  Then Cynthia tries to play this pathetic joke by telling Porsha that Kordell is coming to Mexico so she won’t be lonely.  What.  The.  Ever.  Lovin’.  F*ck??  Porsha implies that she has some secrets about Kordell that she could have let loose, but she doesn’t see where she would benefit from mudslinging.  But she will of course go ahead and heavily imply that he’s homosexual.  More on that later…

It’s the big night of the welcome to hell dinner and Kenya has announced that she scrambled up the seating arrangements so they can interact with others.  Phaedra and Apollo roll in super late and they get the privilege of sitting together.  Me thinks Apollo will be on a very short leash for this trip.  Gregg decides to stir up the Kordell/Porsha drama and he implies that Porsha has not done everything she can possibly do to save her marriage.  Todd asks Porsha to clarify on whether she is done being married to the human thumb, or teetering.  Porsha explains that many things changed within the first year of their marriage and Peter busts out with the version he got from Kordell.  Porsha explains that Kordell “broke their agreement and his celebrity was tainted” and Porsha did him a favor and had a plan to salvage his image.  Kenya lays it out saying Porsha basically singed on to be his beard.  Phaedra doesn’t think it’s any of Kenya’s business, after all she would sport a beard, goatee, or hair anywhere on her body if she could land a man.

Kenya says Porsha sounds like a broke down Olivia Pope and Peter agrees, calling her a PR campaign manager for Kordell.  Finally, Gregg and Kandi attempt to stand up for Porsha and they don’t think she was bearding for Kordell, otherwise she would not have been so hurt by the marriage crashing and burning.  At that moment, Kenya decides to stop the defense of the shit stirring short and she shouts it from the thatched rooftops how happy she is to host everyone, Viva Mexico!

Viva Mexico

Next week accusations fly, an anaconda eats a small family of rats, a fertility ritual, and Apollo and Kenya face off.