It’s the Same ol’ Song and Dance, My Friend

We pick up with OHAC saying that he felt the group went easy on Wigs.  Nene reads a loving text she received from Wigs, hoping they may be able to bury the hatchet someday.  We all know Wigs only showed up and made nice so she could promote her spin off show and I am sure Nene’s spin off isn’t far behind…

We revisit Kandi’s happy times this season and the prediction made by the witch doctor in Africa.  We flash back to Africa when the witch doctor rolled the bones on the ground and told Kandi that the man she is going to be with was already with her, which is Todd who worked on production during that trip.  Hmmm…interesting!  Nene has a less ominous take on the romance “they’re both short and they need love”.

We drudge up the Kenya and Walter saga next, Walter did radio interview saying he was hired to portray Kenya’s boyfriend so that she could be cast on the show.  Kenya does her best deny, deny, deny, twirl, twirl, twirl.  She cannot fathom why anyone would think she would hire him to play her boyfriend when she has a “worldwide stage” from which to select the finest pimps.  Nene disagrees and Phaedra feels Kenya was flirting with “everybody that had on a necktie.”  Kenya responds by saying “flirting with someone does not a whore make” as she flicks her gone with the wind fan.  I’m sure Kenya’s perfectly normal behavior as demonstrated on national television will have quality suitors lined up at her doorstep.

OHAC confronts Kenya about implying Walter was gay and she doesn’t feel she did anything wrong.  He’s like “bitch puh-leaze” and she is like “you don’t get into this cookie jar unless you earn it.”  Uggh…what kinda cookies are those, stale Fig Newtons?  Double uggh…the Fig Newton isn’t even a cookie in my book, but I digress…Kenya admits nothing ever happened between the two of them, and Kandi is appalled that Kenya would consider marriage without trying the goods first.  At least someone up in this hizzy has their priorities straight!  Kenya turns the convo back to Phaedra and harps on the fact that Phaedra called her a whore.  How dare she, especially when Phaedra was having sex with a convicted felon fresh out of prison, then got pregnant, and lied about her pregnancy term.  Dayyyyum!

Kenya is just balls on nuts crazy here, she acts like she was too good for Walter, but yet was practically begging him to get it on and marry her in Anguilla.  Then when he jumps off the crazy train, she implies he is a homosexual on national television.  I’m no Walter fan, but the creepy, square-eared, dude doesn’t deserve that.

In summary, no one believes that Kenya’s relationship with Walter was real.  We revisit the fact that Walter put the moves on Kandi while he was allegedly with Kenya.  Kenya continues to trash him, he lied about his age, he has a toupee, he’s an asshole, he wants to be famous, I wouldn’t spit on him if he was engulfed in flames, destroy, destroy, destroy.  OHAC asks Kenya about her love life now, she says she is so happy and then she breaks out into tears and doesn’t want to talk about it.  Me confused, happy tears or psycho tears?  Nene says it’s an “ol’ black man” and OHAC looks confused.  He asks if it’s “Big Papa”, which breaks the awkward moment.

Let’s bring on the Neanderthal boys, the house hubbies!  Actually, King Meathead, Kordell, is missing.  We revisit the various bromances and scuttlebutt amongst the men and OHAC asks Todd about his apprehension about appearing on the show.  Todd is a man of few words and is only there to support Kandi, who he clearly adores.

We go back to the Walter question and Peter feels Walter wanted to promote his towing company and the relationship with Kenya was not real.  The men discuss the homosexual allegations and Walter’s radio tour.  Peter, Apollo, and Todd all claim that they told Walter not to do the radio press.  Kenya drags Phaedra into it by saying she represented Walter…wha?  Peter and Kenya start arguing and Apollo jumps in.  Kenya has had enough, she flicks her fan, and finishes it off by standing up and giving a gone with the wind twirl.  OHAC is trying to follow the action and his head starts spinning as it gets wrapped up in her polyester yellow caftan.  Nene is laughing her ass off at all of this, she is thoroughly entertained.  Kenya then breaks out into her song.  Peter sums it up, Kenya chased Walter the whole season and then when things didn’t go her way, she blasted her mouth off.  Kenya is acting really childish, singing to herself to avoid listening to Peter’s astute summation.

Kenya-Twirling

Apollo discusses Kenya and says he doesn’t care for her and Kenya fires back “stop texting me then!”  Kenya shows her texts, but they seem a bit innocent and the whole thing is very anti-climactic.  Phaedra says this is why she called Kenya a “ho”.  Apollo gets line of the night “I’m a convicted felon, but I’m an educated convicted felon.”  Yeah, he knows how to make a shiv in five languages.

Hubbies

The two ladies start going at it and Kenya makes a comment about Phaedra’s breasts being pushed up around her neck and Phaedra suggests Kenya get hers re-augmented because they are “hangin’ down like banana boats.”  Which is a close second for line of the night.

During the next segment, the stage belongs to Porsha and we revisit the goofy ass shit that would come out of her mouth.  OHAC asks how things are going and she is very protective of Kordell.  She will defend her husband all day, every day.  Too bad he was packing up the contents of his underwear drawer and heading off to a meeting with his divorce attorney.  Porsha gets a little feisty and defends her position as a wife and she says she looked up to the ladies and admired their independence.  She had only wished they would have been more supportive during her first season.  Nice speech, Porsha…clearly the wheel is turnin’, but the hamster is dead.

Leave it to spineless Cynthia to pipe up about everyone having to pay their dues during their first season.  A housewife hazing if you will…Nene piles on by saying they all got hit harder during the first season of the ATL and she opened up the door for the likes of ditzy Porsha and all the other ratchet as hell housewives.  There will be no free rides, Porsha, you must endure the wrath and ridicule like everyone else.  OHAC gives Porsha the opportunity to demonstrate her singing voice, which is like watching a bad American Idol audition.  The group patronizes her and gives her a round of golf claps.

In conclusion, the ladies all felt like the show was much better this season, more positive.  However, Phaedra did not enjoy it at all.  Nene says she knew she would be the last original ATL housewife standing and she feels they need to replace a person.  She summons OHAC for a meeting at his office later so she can seal the fate of the housewife she wants gone.

Phew…that’s all folks, and not a moment too soon.  I must go rest my little psyche before RHNJ starts in June.

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