Pleading the Fan

It’s reunion time and due to limited stage room, no twirling allowed.  Kenya brought her biggest fan…more on that later.  So far, we know Phaedra is eight months pregnant and she looked pretty good in her maternity gown, but best dressed goes to Miss Cynthia.  Girl knows how to work it, she looked great.  The rest of the gals look like they hit the formal department at Goodwill.

Cynthia-Gown

Overall, part one of this reunion is pretty boring, we review a clip reel of inappropriateness complete with Phaedra’s barely there cover up in Anguilla.  Totes.  Over.  It.

Phaedra-Gown

We revisit Kenya’s inappropriate flirting with the house husbands and her incessant twirling, and how much she does not look like Beyoncé.  Conclusion:  Only white people who can’t tell black people apart think Kenya looks like Beyoncé.

We find out that no one reached out to Kenya during her cancer scare, but Nene scolds her and says she shouldn’t have expected anyone to give three wet farts when nobody knew about it until it aired five months later.  Is Linnethia Monique Leaks the new voice of reason????  Porsha and Kenya argue about the cancer scare being a life changing experience and Porsha notes that Kenya hasn’t changed one bit.  Kenya flicks her fan to deflect the truth and refuses to comment.

Nene and Kandi get into some kind of argument about how they both throw shade at each other and Nene has cut Kandi “to the white meat” and they slog all the way back to season one.  Nene said some crap about Kandi’s dead fiancé, A.J. and Kandi admits that from that point on, her Nene guards were in their upright and fully locked positions.

We reflect on Porsha and Kenya’s war of words over the Miss America U.S.A. flub.  Porsha points out that Miss America actually requires talent and Miss U.S.A. is basically a bikini contest.  Kenya states her ultimate issue with Porsha is that she is too cheerleader and unsophisticated.  Porsha contends Kenya is jealous of her.  As the fan flicks…

Andy reads a scathing viewer comment for Porsha, stating that she shouldn’t be bashing Kenya over her age and she better hope that Kordell didn’t just marry her as a trophy wife, or she will be dumped at 40 just like She by Shereé.  Nene cackles and I find this to be an interesting comment knowing now that Porsha was blindsided by divorce papers shortly after this reunion taping.

Kenya tries to defend assigning Porsha to dress up as BAPS for her lame ass party. But Cynthia speaks one time during this hour and says it shady as f*ck.  Kenya’s opinion in retrospect is that she shouldn’t have invited Porsha.  Point.  Blank.  Period.  As the biggest fan waves, Porsha warns Kenya that she is going to dry out her fake contacts.

We take a trip down pageant lane and reflect on Cynthia’s run-ins with Kenya.  Porsha points out that Kenya claims she is first black Miss U.S.A., but Carol Gist took the crown in 1990 and was also from Detroit (Kenya was 1993).  Kenya flicks the fan and has no comment or possible rebuttal to this truth.  Well played Porsha, well played…and good lookin’ out, showing some mad Google skills.

Phaedra answers a viewer question about wearing all of her own hair and Kenya laughs at her.  OMFG…we get a shot of Kenya using blotting papers on her face, thank god someone finally gave her a clue.  As for Phaedra, she may wear all of her own hair on the show, but at this reunion, she has about a half pound of someone else’s hair on her nappy head.

We revisit Kenya and Phaedra’s fast friendship and even quicker demise.  They continue the battle of the dueling DVD sales and Kenya is claiming hers is doing better than Phaedra’s.  Phaedra claims that is not correct and hers has even outsold Jillian Michaels.  Then they argue about fake reviews on amazon.  Andy announces that “Entertainment Weekly” magazine gave Kenya a better rating on fitness and gave Phaedra a good rating for entertainment.  Yes, Phaedra’s DVD was entertaining all right, but not in the good kind of way.

Kenya calls Phaedra fat and Phaedra hits Kenya back calling her out on the “straight to DVD movies she produces, her fake house, and her fake boyfriend.”  They show a clip of Kenya’s music video and there is a pretty nasty spoof of Phaedra.  Good segue to talk about Kenya dressing as Phaedra at the Shoedazzle event.  Phaedra feels imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and she gets the line of the night “We used to have single white female, now we’ve got black delusional Kenya.”  Kenya flicks her biggest fan again and Kandi kindly asks her to “flick that thang wit’ your left hand.”

Kenya-Fan

The last several minutes are spent with Kenya and Phaedra going at it and talking over each other.  Kenya gives her one last warning, “Don’t come for me unless I send for you”… “you will be picking up your teeth off the floor, pregnant and all”.  Way to keep it classy, Kenya.

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