Take A Woosah

We pick up where we left off at the Kandi Koated housewarming with Kenya twirling and whirling out the back exit because her “stalker”, Walter was at the party.  Turns out Phaedra invited Walter and Cynthia seems perturbed that Phaedra didn’t alert the authorities.  Kenya has a thing for having full on meltdowns in parking lots and poor Don Juan has been tasked with walking her out.  After he tells her to “take a woosah”, (JFGI – Just F*ckin’ Google It), she shuts up and gets in the car.  Poor Don Juan walks away as he mutters “she’s dramatic as a mutherf*cker”.  Can someone call 911 and put this bitch on a Britney Spears 5150 hold?!?!?

Camera two to Bar One, where Cynthia and Lawrence have a sit down with Koo-Koo Kenya.  Cynthia has grown a backbone and she lays it down for the twirling maniac.  Atlanta is small, Walter is not stalking her, he just lives there.  Kenya is going to have to be in rooms with people she doesn’t like, suck it up, and stop dealing with it by being “dramatic and unnecessary.”  While Cynthia talks over Kenya’s whining, Lawrence says “At the end of the day, you shoulda been like ‘I’m coming to get my Oscar for playing my role with that fool!’ cause that’s all it was.”  Oh snap…good thing Kenya didn’t quite hear him.  Although, I think Lawrence may have jammed a tranquilizer dart into Kenya’s booty because Kenya quickly calms down and accepts Cynthia’s friendly advice, for now.  Woosah!

In other housewives needing counseling, Porsha skips on over to Dr. Sherry, who we have also seen on “Braxton Family Values”.  Shit, if Dr. Sherry can counsel Tamar Braxton, handling Porsha should be a walk in the park.  Porsha discusses her miscarriage and she tears up because it was very difficult for her, but her mouth-breathing meat-head hubby didn’t seem to understand the loss she suffered.  Porsha has finally shown a real side of herself, rather than her breathtakingly stupid self, and maybe her life is not so “picture perfect”.

It’s time for the Bedroom Kandi Boutique launch party where she is meeting the consultants who will be forming a marketing pyramid and selling her products.  Kandi wins an AVN (Adult Video News) award (translation = porn award) and delivers an emotional speech because she is living her dream.  What dream?  A porn award next to your Grammy?  In all fairness, Kandi is really gettin’ it done and amassing her fortune so she can buy that flashy engagement ring.  Can I get a Woosah?!?!?

On another day, Kandi and Todd are starting their day and they discuss various items.  Mama Joyce will eventually move into the guest house…check.  Todd likes the ring Kandi picked out in Vegas…check.  Todd is down with Kandi using a surrogate so she can “keep it tight, keep it right” (translation = not gain weight)…high fives and check.  Annnnd Todd is cool with a prenup so Kandi can protect her dildo fortune, as long as he’s taken care of on the back end when this thing goes bust…double check, woosah, and pun intended.

Kenya arrives at a studio where she will be filming her work out video.  Meanwhile in L.A., Phaedra is prepping to film her DVD and we are treated to dueling scenes of Home Depot Booty versus Spongebob Squarepants.  Lawrence is styling Kenya’s hair and throwing some serious shade on Phaedra the Phatty.  He has turned into a Grade-A Sketchball.  Kenya wants us to know that she is “serious about her workouts, while Phaedra is serious about her meals”. 

Kenya-workout

We are back to Phaedra in her lime green unitard.  Phaedra chose it because it’s body hugging and she doesn’t want to look like a washed up hag.  Wow.  Just.  Wow.  No she chose it because she can’t afford a stylist and she has a delusional sense of her own image.  Kenya’s video seems more serious, while Phaedra is just goofing off, bouncing around to Romper Room music like it’s 1980 and she is totally winded after two minutes.  Kenya clearly scored the better edit.

Phaedra-Green

Nene and Gregg go out for a romantic dinner and he attempts to have a serious talk with her, you’re the wind beneath my wings, my purpose for living, blah blah blah.  Nene can’t be bothered, she has 28 text messages coming in that demand her attention.  Gregg is on a mission to tolerate her put the family back together and he asks the self-absorbed Nene to marry him again now that their fake divorce is final.  After she chokes on her martini, he tries to get down on one knee and officially propose, she says yes as if she had any other choice if she wants Bravo to pay for their fake wedding.

Nene-Gregg-Kiss

Next week, stun guns, Kordell faces the wrath Dr. Sherry, Kenya throwing someone out of her “coming out” party, and Peter and Kordell need to take a woosah in the parking lot.

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