Hook, Line, and Sink Her

We open with Nene, who found out her son was having a baby when she ran into his girlfriend who was six months pregnant. Apparently, her scallywag son, Bryson, forgot to relay that small life detail to his mother. Big stuff poppin’, little stuff droppin’. Anyhoo, Nene is now a “Glam Mother” and she couldn’t be more pleased about having little Bri’ Asia in her life. Nene hopes it will bring some stability to her otherwise troubled young son’s life and I hope she will re-think that unflattering brown jumpsuit that is making her look like a bag of creamed corn. Nene tells Bryson she was the same age (21) when she had him, but Bryson has no plans to settle down just yet. He wants more children, but never plans on getting married because he’s a straight up G! Way to go Bryson, now just don’t get pinched stealing diapers from Wal-Mart.

At Casa de Kandi, Riley is doing some homework identifying idioms. Todd is in the kitchen making a snack so tasty, it makes him dance. Kandi is living her picture perfect life and Riley is slowly adjusting to the likes of Todd.

Kenya meets her aunt Lori to knock back some wine and whine about Walter. Dump his ass already. Oh wait, that’s right, you need him to remain relevant on this show so you don’t end up like She by Shereé. Kenya tells her aunt about a WTMI creepy shower incident in Anguilla. Kenya was in the shower, all soaped up, Walter joined her, but he didn’t get “fresh” the way she would have expected. He soaped up, rinsed off, and left and went to sleep. Kenya turns on the water works, but aunt Lori’s keen sense of relationship acumen is working overtime. Something ain’t right and Kenya should follow her intuition. I really hope Kenya’s intuition tells her to get off TV and be gone with the crazy wind.

Porsha and Kandi go furniture shopping and Porsha doesn’t look at price tags, but Kandi prefers to “ball on a budget”, which is why she will always be rich and wiping her dogs ass with dollar bills. They discuss prenuptial agreements and Porsha reveals that she doesn’t have one. Somewhere in Atlanta, She By Shereé’s air mattress just popped. Porsha says she would be heartbroken if she and Kordell split, that she would be like Tina Turner and only ask for her name. Ahem, then she says “Just give me my name, Porsha Williams.” Earth to dumb ass…you don’t have to ask for your MAIDEN NAME. Obviously, Porsha’s story line will continue to be ditzy spendthrift without a prenup. Their talk turns to Kenya and Porsha asks for advice. Kandi advises her to ignore Kenya and just do her own thing. WORD.

Cynthia meets with Nene to see the glam baby and go shopping for ridiculously over-priced baby outfits. Cynthia suggests Nene have a “sip-n-see” a la Ayden Parks, but Nene will leave up to the mama. It is in this scene we find out that Nene had a DNA test done, which was actually smart considering that Nene is very rich, bitch. She’s got to protect her family, but who will protect Nene from herself as she asks the sales woman for Louboutin baby slippers!?!?

Nene-Glamma

We hobble over to Kenya again where she preps for a photo shoot for KRAVE Magazine at boxing ring. She explains that KRAVE is a “male eye candy magazine” and that everyone wants to see her hot ass, except Walter the dud. The hair and makeup team assembles an angry bee hive on her head and they start spackling her face. Kandi pops in long enough to drop off the solution to Kenya’s barely breathing boyfriend woes, it’s a Bedroom Kandi toy! Kandi asks if Kenya had “the talk” with Walter and Kenya says Walter got defensive, which made her suspicious. He’s flip flopping and Kenya is just doing some bad acting. Kandi leaves and Kenya channels her Walter anger into her “America’s Next Elderly Model” photo shoot.

Meanwhile, Gregg is laying it on thick with Nene. They have a drink out of their old wedding champagne flutes and he is working to get her back, which we know he does because the two are already back together in real time. Which begs the question, was the whole divorce story line a publicity stunt? Who the eff knows, or cares. Let’s laugh at Gregg some more. As they pack up their things to go to L.A., Gregg acts helpless so Nene will spend more time with him. That will get old real quick and Nene says “you sound…slow.” Nene whips out her silver glitter cell phone hand set and calls her real estate agent to see how the house hunting is going. They have secured a house and Gregg boasts about how proud of her he is. What a kiss ass.

Cynthia hosts a farewell Nene party and as the ladies arrive, Porsha and Kenya are snubbing one another and it’s awkward, but not as awkward as it gets when Kenya tells everyone that she gets mistaken for Beyoncé all the time. Apparently, Kenya lives in a world of visually impaired drunk people. Phaedra’s face freezes as the cheese falls off her cracker. Porsha mentions that she looks like Solange and Kandi agrees, laughs, points at Kenya, and says “sisters!” Porsha yells “Oh, don’t even, then I am emancipated from that family!” Cynthia wonders aloud, if Kenya looks so much like Beyoncé, why can’t she get her man to put a ring on it? Touché.

The men have gone off into another room and Peter wants to “get that Don Julio jumpin’ off.” Nothing good can come from this, but it should spice up this dull episode. Peter talks about the old L.A. Days when he dated Nia Long. Name drop much? Gregg wants to “be about it” and do another shot. Later, the group gathers for a toast and then Peter and Cynthia and Phaedra and Apollo get into a make out showdown.

Cynthia-MakeOut

Kenya lures Walter out to the country on a fishing date and on her first cast, she snags her hook. She gets pissed off when Walter the worm won’t help her because he doesn’t want to get his new Gucci sneakers dirty. The fishing date is a metaphor for this broke-down, fake-ass relationship. Kenya is fishing for answers and Walter just won’t take the bait. Kenya says he won’t “use his words”, so she hauls out the heavy artillery to try and tackle the problem. She brings up the Anguilla shower-gate incident, she tells him she feels “unloved”, but that doesn’t reel him in. He talks in vulgar circles for a bit, then he finally admits he feels too much pressure from her. Kenya gets pissed off and walks away with her dog Velvet. Oh Kenya, there are plenty of other actors desperate for a paycheck fish in the sea.

Kenya-Fishing

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