A Raisin in the Shun

After Kenya has twirled away from the girl fight, Porsha asks the other ladies if they “took out the trash”.  Nene and Porsha engage in a discussion about maturity and Cynthia was stunned at how “krunk” the fight got, but understood Kenya’s reaction to the insults Porsha was slinging.  Meanwhile, Kenya vents to Walter about the fight as he rubs his eyebrows off his head while searching frantically for a drink.  I can smell the Slim Jim’s and ass cheese through the television.  You would think Walter could find a way to muster up a f*ck, after all his pretend girlfriend is a part of history, like Obama, Clinton, and Kennedy!

Back by the pool, Phaedra continues to defend her new BFF, calling her “sensitive” about her Miss USA title.  Nene puts bullet holes in that theory because nobody is concerned about what happened in 1993.  WORD!

Back in the room, Kenya rants about being called a tramp due to her incessant and inappropriate flirting with other men.  Walter has taken no offense to this behavior and calls it “networking”.  Note to self…put that down in the excuse book, “I was networking!”  Kenya says she is “over it” and shuts herself in the hotel room bathroom, but she will not be taking a relaxing bath because she ain’t got no tub.

The next day, Nene stops by Kandi’s room to debrief her about the prior evening and all the kerfuffle.  She delivers an impression of Kenya’s twirling in her ambrosia surprise nightgown and Kandi is stunned.  After they crack up, Nene confronts Kandi about why they haven’t ever gotten along.  They get their shit out in the open, reflect on their bad start, and decide to blame it on Wigs-n-Cigs Zolciak.  Nene wants to make more of a connection with Kandi, they have a moment, and Todd joins them for a good cry.  Nene thinks Kandi and Todd are a great couple because they are both short.  Gregg enters the room and starts saying he’s “40 and fabulous” and he starts twirling around in his red converse kicks, indicating that Nene dished all the gory details of the girl fight.

Kenya and Walter are getting ready for the outing on the last day of the trip.  Kenya suspects that Walter will be proposing, but she will be in for a shock because this guy is not interested in anything but where his next shot of tequila is coming from.  They rehash the fight again, but he wants to make sure she is going to hold it together so that he doesn’t have to get into it with the guys.  After all, he is forging some real relationships here.  Kenya calls a women-only press conference before they board the bus for their last excursion.  She wants to make sure the air is clear so she can enjoy the day when she is about to become a Mrs.  This chick is about as delusional as Teresa Giudice.  Porsha is annoyed at the “pageant apology” and describes her face as a “mean dried up raisin”.  Meanwhile, the men swelter on the bus and Peter talks about how silly the women behave and spend too much time worrying about everyone else.  Apollo chips in his two sense, something about eyelash glue and being overly concerned about it.  The ladies are all snapping at each other and Peter walks back inside to try and squash it so they can go have fun.  Cynthia tells him to eff off because they are not done, but in the end, nothing is resolved and Miss Mean Raisin Face twirls out of the lobby.

The gang arrives at the beach and they have lunch on what appears to be a raft fashioned by castaways.  Kordell decides to bring up the tension with the ladies and wants to make sure everything is okay, which is a perfect segue for Kenya to present Cynthia with a gift.  She gives her a copy of Vanessa Williams’ book called “You Have No Idea”.  Since Kenya stalks Vanessa on Facebook, she was able to have it autographed.  Cynthia takes it as a dig meaning, Cynthia “has no idea”.  Once again, mean spirited and inappropriate.  They finish lunch and as the couples hug and kiss, Kenya puckers up her lips summoning a kiss from Walter and he plants one on her cheek.  It’s so painfully obvious to everyone but Kenya that Walter is just not that into her.

Since there hasn’t been any petty fighting in 2.53 minutes, Cynthia and Kenya take a stroll to have a private convo so that Cynthia may express her disappointment in Kenya’s behavior at the Bailey Agency.  Kenya’s excuse for being rude to the women was that she was only offering constructive criticism.  She shares an experience from the Miss Michigan pageant when she wore inappropriate attire and was told to get her ghetto ass together.  Kenya also claims that some of the girls who were auditioning at the Bailey Agency contacted her and thanked her for her critique.  Cynthia volleys back stating that many girls who have repeatedly auditioned at the Bailey Agency contacted her, stating they were appalled by Kenya’s behavior.

Meanwhile, Gregg hoists Nene’s arse up on a horse and she is totally freaked out.  She jumps off and runs over to the man with a tray of drinks because the three steps the horse took whilst she was on it were very traumatizing.

Nene-Horse

Cynthia and Kenya continue to escalate their discussion and Nene and Phaedra walk over to find out what’s up.  Sidebar:  Do we need to discuss Phaedra’s yellow and blue monokini?  Kenya starts screaming “make it stop” and throws herself down on the beach, while Cynthia throws sand on her saying “bury yourself”.  Kandi and Porsha are watching from a distance and conclude that they are being playful, at first they thought they were going “ham and cheese”.  Nene decides to lead the group in some yoga so they can get their “zen”.  Kenya busts out the splits and then Kandi does it, all I can say is thank God for laser hair removal.

Kenya-Sand

The group arrives at their final dinner of the trip and Peter comments on how Walter looks good in pink and Kenya says they match and they are wedding colors.  Walter looks confused and as the waitress serves him a drink, he says “thank you sweetie, I might need about two, three more.”  Kenya tries to pursue the marriage talk with Walter and Peter gives a toast to all the couples.  When he hones in on Kenya and Walter, he comments that he did not think they were a couple, but he can see that Walter is a solid dude.  He adds that a little birdie told him that Walter was under a lot of pressure to propose before the end of the trip.  Again, Walter has mass confusion.  He starts to get really irritated and slams back the tequila.  Kenya turns the marriage discussion to Kandi and Todd, but Kandi shuts her ass down like a bad Ferris wheel.  Gregg asks Walter how he would propose and he says “basketball game” and Kenya practically falls off her chair in disgust.  The other men discuss how they proposed and all the talk gets to Kenya.  Nene tells everyone that pressuring a man is not the way to do it, Kenya announces that she has lost her appetite, and she walks out of the restaurant.  Walter goes is prompted by producers to check on her and they get into it, Kenya is crying and pleading her case.  Walter pretty much lays down the law to make sure she understands what he meant by “anything can happen in three days.”  She takes offense to the way he is speaking to her and how dare he treat the “damsel in distress” this way.  She storms out and he tells the doorman to make sure she gets on the bus.  While it was a sad scene to watch, at least Walter shows us that he does indeed have a pulse.

Kenya makes her way into the jungle and crouches down by a light pole to continue sobbing.  Phaedra thinks Kenya has been gone too long and she is either having dysentery or something else is wrong so she goes after her.  The rest of the group discusses the situation with Walter, and Nene explains that he may be misleading because Kenya is interpreting every little thing he says to mean that it’s actually happening.  Phaedra finds Kenya, exhausted, winded, and bereft.  Phaedra breaks out her patented “everybody knows” advice.  She says “everybody knows the only person looking for a husband is someone who ain’t never had one, honey, because it’s a lot more work than what you think it is.  It’s a blessing you don’t end up with some of these crazy men, that’s God protecting you from yourself, my little raisin.”  Amen Phaedra, Amen.  Apollo, realizing that his wife is outside with a bat shit crazy raisin face, comes out to check on them and he tells Kenya that she needs to be patient and when it happens it will flow and it will all work out.  As they walk back inside, leave it to Phaedra to boil it down, “anything that has a penis is crazy!”  Amen again, Phaedra, Amen again!

Kena-Crying

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