Wig Out

Kim and her girls are enjoying a pizza lunch and the girls say they are very happy to be back in the townhouse.  Kim spouts out her random stupidity “I want fried dough”, “that beer looks good”, “it’s 110 degrees out here”.  The girls ask Kim if they were planned pregnancies, Brielle was not, but Arianna was.  Kim assures them she is done after this one and the girls vow to make sure Kim is on birth control going forward.  It’s good to see they are smart enough to think of that!  I figured I would see both of them on Teen Mom 3.

Phaedra and Apollo are going on a double date with Kenya and Walter.  Kenya immediately hones her laser focus in on Apollo and compares him to Tyson Beckford.  Ahem…while Apollo is handsome, sorry…he is no Tyson.  Anyhoo, Apollo asks about Kenya’s producing skills and asks her to assist with the donkey booty work out video.  Walter has snuck off to the bar to pound Jager Bombs.  Phaedra tells us that bitch tried it and she better “pump her brakes” because she is violating girl code.  They board the go karts and Kenya is just running her mouth and screaming the whole time, while Phaedra and Walter poke along cautiously.  Apollo wins and Kenya pouts.

Kenya-GoKart

Cynthia and Peter break out an old $200 bottle of wine, of course it has gone bad and they dump it out since they have money to burn.  Nene and Gregg arrive and Peter asks about the status of their relationship, to which Nene says “it’s the new normal” and they have been happier since they divorced.  Cynthia discusses planning a couples trip to Anguilla and Nene scowls when Kim and Kroy are mentioned.  While Cynthia sneaks off for another glass of non-rancid wine, Peter tells Nene about his intent to surprise Cynthia with vow renewals while on the beach.  Nene says Cynthia hates surprises, but revels in the fact that she will be caught off guard.

Porsha is back and headed to the doctor to find out if she can get pregnant again and she wants twins.  She wants four kids, two boys and two girls, but she doesn’t want to “have five different pregnancies”.  With twins, she would only have two births, plus her other two, which is four.  She says this while holding up three fingers.  I think this ditz belongs on Real Housewives of OC.  Porsha and Kordell have a bizarre convo about eating a certain type of yam in order to increase chances of having twins while they wait for the doctor.  Doc explains she can get back to it within a month and she needs to worry about one baby right now, rather than twins.  They joke about how Porsha wishes she could just place her order, but it ain’t the GD Burger King.

Kandi and Cynthia meet for lunch and discuss their donkey booties and Cynthia springs the couple trip idea on her.  Kandi doesn’t think Todd can get enough time off work, but she tells the camera that the real reason is that he doesn’t like the drama involved with the ATL crew.  Kandi discusses her discontent with Miss Nene and is disturbed by her motives.  Cynthia tries to sugar coat it by saying Nene doesn’t have a problem with her, but Kandi isn’t biting into that mess.

Porsha is meeting with Cynthia and Nene at the Hosea Williams Foundation to discuss feeding the hungry 265 days a year.  Nene cackles to the camera, “265…where the hell that bitch live at?”  Cynthia and Nene agree to do a public service announcement and Porsha offers them some champagne to celebrate.  They sip on their drinks and Porsha brings up Kenya and relays the story from the charity event.  Little Cynthia finally feels validated about the Bailey Agency incident.  Nene boasts that she is a great judge of character and she is still willing to try and figure it out with Kenya, but she doesn’t have a good feeling about it.  I don’t either, but I can’t wait to see Nene swoop down on Kenya like a rabid pterodactyl.

Kandi and Phaedra go shopping and Kandi has a present for Phaedra.  “Is it a penis ring?” Phaedra asks hopefully.  It turns out it’s the kegel balls and Phaedra will reluctantly give it a try, but she wants the damn penis ring.  Kandi reveals WTMI by saying she is wearing hers!  They discuss the Anguilla trip and hope Kim won’t back out on them.  Well I hope the people in hell get the ice water they have been clamoring for.  We already know Kim is going to give them the slip since the trip has been arranged around Kim’s schedule, which was their first mistake.  They spend $1,000 on ugly picture frames and bee bop on their merry way.

Cynthia arrives at a restaurant to meet the girls to discuss the Anguilla trip.  Phaedra arrives and steps into the ring with Cynthia for round two.  Nothing says “I’m sorry” like a humongous bouquet of flowers and a fascinator. 

PhaedraApology

Phaedra cops to the unsavory comment and Cynthia accepts her apology.  Phaedra appreciates that this isn’t another “black baby gate” and Cynthia deletes the incriminating voice mail.  Kandi arrives and announces she invited Kenya and Cynthia’s eyeballs fall out of her head.  Phaedra continues to have breast envy while Nene strolls in appearing less than excited and Kim waddles in behind her.  The shrews start chatting and Kenya asks Cynthia if she is invited.  There’s a long pause and Kenya says she will invite herself.  Kim already starts her patented back pedal and says she has to talk to her doctor.  The excuses flow like rancid wine down a drain, her cervix is too short, husband is at camp, she’s breastfeeding, she’s two years pregnant.  Cynthia reiterates how they rearranged the schedule for Kim and she rattles through more excuses and is now saying she is eight months pregnant and then she says she has eight weeks left and her due date has been moved a few times.  Clearly, this HO is full of shit and she is using Porsha’s calendar.  Her due date is about as exact as her eviction date.  Nene says these lies are precisely why she “don’t f*ck wit her!”  Kim drops the ultimate bomb by revealing that she and Kroy are going on vacation the same week as the Anguilla trip.  Kandi voices her irritation, she is skipping the ASCAP awards for the songwriters of the year, Cynthia passed on a Macy’s job, Phaedra had a trial, etc.  Phaedra lays it down and asks her if she is committed to their friendship at all.  Kim says her priorities have changed and Nene makes her derp face has to take a moment to get a grip before she puts her on blast. 

NeneTiredExcuses

Oh what a tangled wig Kim has weaved, as the conversation escalates, Kim pulls chute, runs out, and shoves the camera man.  She doesn’t have time for this crap, she has a spin off to shoot.  Thursdays on Bravo “Cracked Out Clown HO!”, don’t miss it!

Looks like the drama is heating up and next week Kenya continues to cross the line with Apollo, which is fine by me, because I would love to see Phaedra go bath salt crazy on her ass.

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