Hot Tub Time Machine…From Hell

We pick up right where we left off at the Lancaster Estate dinner table and Teresa’s deliberate shun of a toast.  Holy awkward.  To break the tension, Joe does what he does best, suggest they get into the hot tub.  Always the first to get nekkid, he strips off his pants much to Melissa’s chagrin.  “Those are good pants”, she shrieks.  Aww…what will little Joe Joe wear on his first day of school now that his “good” pants are ruined?  Juicy Joe follows and the Boyz II Manzos ponder “when does this, uh…get gay?”  It just did Boyz…It just did.

Teresa and Melissa join their hubbies in the hot tub and they ask Kathy to get in.  She finds this to be the perfect segue into not wanting to ruin the “family love” and she brings up not being mentioned during Teresa’s toast.  Teresa is back in her freaky Bjork/Johnny Weir outfit telling us that it wasn’t intentional, but the toast was not about Richie and Kathy, they didn’t do anything worthy of a mention in Teresa’s toast.  Richie and Kathy finally acquiesce and splash down.  Richie comments “it’s like old times!”  Oh you have no idea Richie, how OLD it’s about to get.  Eventually, only Teresa and Kathy are left in the hot tub, which quickly turns into a way back machine of grudges.  Kathy starts hammering about being on the outs with Caroline, Teresa’s defense is “I’m only one person”.  Yes, Teresa is only one person and with the laundry list of people she needs to work on her relationships with, she is busier than a one legged man in an ass kickin’ contest.  Teresa can only tackle one thing at a time.  First her brother, then Jacs, then maybe YOU Kathy, Caroline…not so much.  Newsflash Tre, when your list of asses to kiss is that long…you’re usually the asshole.  Jus’ sayin’!

Anyway, the brainiacs are talking loudly enough for the non-hot tubbers to hear the whole exchange.  Caroline is furious and first wants to hold Teresa under the boiling hot tub water, but ultimately she wishes Kathy would just stop the conversation, she will not be able to infiltrate the “fabulicious haze”.

Now that the hot tub has caused things from the past to boil over, Teresa leaves to go change her robe and Kathy wanders back by the other ladies.  Kathy explains to Caroline why she started the conversation with Teresa, but Caroline doesn’t want Kathy to get caught in the middle of the madness.  Caroline is done with Teresa anyway, all she sees is an “ugly” human being and she wants no part of it.  Teresa returns mumbling “Hiiiiii” in her annoying voice and joins the rest of the women.  Jacs informs her that they all overheard the irrational skank voices coming from the hot tub of horrors.  Teresa starts in with Caroline somewhat passively, as if there is a possibility that she and Caroline can reconcile.  Caroline won’t even look at her, but the ol’ bulldog can’t help herself.  Caroline wants Teresa to tell her what she really thinks of her and Teresa gives her the “I love you”, and Caroline is about to pop off.  Caroline whips out her list of grievances, and they are as old and haggard as Mama Manzo herself.  They re-re-re-re-hash the magazine articles, Caroline questions why Teresa didn’t put out the truth when her family was being bashed, Teresa claims she did.  Caroline calls her a liar, the fingers start going and she wraps it up with “you are a disgrace!”

The men have a discussion as well, Juicy admits they only deal with “f*cking In Touch” magazine.  Chris questions the article about Teresa having a baby boy and Juicy says that it was another bullshit magazine.  Chris quickly Googles it and pulls up “In Touch” magazine reporting “A Baby Boy for Teresa”.  Juicy admits they make up “bullshit” and they get paid for it.  I guess that is sort of like Dancing for Dollars?  We’ll call it Bluffing for Benjamins.  Juicy thinks Chris would do the same if given the opportunity and Chris enlightens him that Jacs turned down a $50K offer to do a story about Teresa.  Juicy says “you should have, you f*ckin’ moron.”  If that is true, that Jacs declined such an offer, that really speaks volumes about her.  Much more than a certain someone with a seven cover deal collecting a paycheck for false and sensationalized stories.

Meanwhile, in the background, the women’s convo is heating up and the Shiraz is about to hit the fan.  Caroline keeps digging into her vault of grievances and wants Teresa to admit what she did by insulting her in the cookbook.  Teresa continues to deny that she did it intentionally.  Throughout all this bickering, Jacs is pretending to be asleep.  Caroline continues to call Teresa a liar, a fraud, and a DISGRACE!  Teresa is speechless at this moment as she sits there, stunned, with her broke down nutria hair weave.

Back at the men’s table, Chris confronts Juicy Joe about telling a bottling guy that he was “shady”.  Juicy gives him the “whatever” treatment and Chris is pissed.  He says that if anyone said Juicy was shady, he would tell them to eff off.  Juicy asks for a kiss to make up, they do cheek to cheek kisses.  Joe and Richie find it hilarious and they decide to kiss cheeks too.  It’s like once the men spit this inane bull shit out of their mouths, they see how stupid they are, and they’re over it.

The ladies argument continues to escalate, Teresa cries about how rough her year was and Caroline snipes back “always the victim”.  Caroline says she is happy the way things are, she can look at Teresa and tell her “you suck”.  Teresa is so quick on her feet, “you suck too!”  Teresa stands up to leave and when Caroline tells her she is running, she sits back down and tries to drag Juicy into the fight.  He starts screaming at Caroline and the Boyz II Manzos are ready to fight.  The men heat up for a moment, but it quickly defuses because Juicy is hammered and Papa Manzo says it wouldn’t really be fair, four Manzos to one Juicy slug.  They decide to let the girls hash it out.

Lauren jumps in wearing her “World Peace & Love” shirt and starts to rail Teresa about the 1/16th Italian comment.  At this point, Teresa becomes unhinged.  It’s hard to determine what exactly is going on, but I think Teresa has claimed she doesn’t read the stories the tabloids put out.  Caroline calls her “insane” because who agrees to be on a magazine cover and then doesn’t read the story.  So, if my powers of deductive reasoning are functioning on all cylinders, I think we are back to the fact that Teresa is a liar.  Then Teresa is screaming so much all I gather is that she can “prove” something to Caroline and she swears on her kids.  While Caroline cautions her not to swear on her children, Teresa grabs Kathy’s face, and Kathy tells her “whoa whoa whoa, don’t put your hands on me.”  Don’t mess with the porcelain rainbow princess, she’s from Patterson.  She will f*ck your shit up.

Teresa keeps touching Kathy on the chin, demonstrating and re-demonstrating how she touched her face, “it was like this”… “I just went like this”… “it was just this”.  She feels the need to very aggressively demonstrate how non-aggressive the face touch was.  OY VEY!  Would someone just pop this bitch already!?!?!?  Where is brass knuckle Rosie when you need her?

After more Teresa screaming, Kathy decides to Google some scathing things Teresa revealed to a magazine about how Melissa, Caroline, Kathy, and Richie are always confronting her about reckless spending and asking her how many times she went to the mall this week.  Kathy explains how Richie said that to Teresa’s face as a JOKE.  Teresa goes haywire “it’s not a joke to me!”  Kathy tries to illustrate a point, the mall comment was not a joke to Teresa just like Teresa’s comments in her cookbook were not a joke to Caroline.  “It’s the world according to Teresa”, says Kathy and Caroline comments “I didn’t get the manual.”

The men tell Juicy to go get Teresa out of there.  He walks over and gives her a line about leaving early so he can take care of business.  Yes, “business”, important business with the woman he’s been texting.  She squeals with delight at the thought of leaving and she is so excited to go home and see her girls and she leaves to go pack.  Melissa scolds Kathy for starting the conversation with Teresa because they were doing so well.  Then like the rowdy three year old who won’t just go to sleep, Teresa comes storming back out and screams at Caroline that she never said one bad thing about her in a magazine.  Caroline tells her “it’s over” and Juicy escorts her away from them again.  Caroline tells Kathy she doesn’t want a toxic person like Teresa in her life.  She pulls out one of her phrases from the archives “you hang around garbage, you start to stink!”  Melissa asks Caroline what Teresa said about her, but Caroline won’t go there.  She will, however, go there for the audience.  “I’ve heard gold digger, whore, family wrecker, copy-cat, she wants to be me, stripper.”  Caroline tells Melissa that if there is ever a problem with her being around, Melissa should tell her and Caroline will disappear.

Joe and Melissa decide to change their flights also and go with them as a show of solidarity, after all blood is thicker than cabernet.  Joe will back up his sister no matter what.  Kathy goes in Teresa’s room to tell her that it wasn’t her intention to start this and Teresa hasn’t quite let go of the Kathy-face-touch issue.  She demonstrates again by swiping at her chin.  Enough already!  Kathy keeps trying to talk with Teresa, but she is too preoccupied with re-demonstrating the chin grab and hastily packing to flee the scene.

Caroline saunters away for the evening looking like she just got off Willie Nelson’s tour bus.  As soon as she is off camera, she breaks down in her room.  All we hear are her sobs and “I can’t”.  Overall, a boring, draining episode, I am so tired of these arguments about ancient history and they are not even intelligible anymore.  What would Milania think?

Next week Dina Manzo makes an appearance, maybe we will finally find out what the hell is up with her and Caroline.

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Finger Lickin’ Good

What’s going down in Russian River Valley, California, you ask?  Melissa is trying to take a picture of Teresa and Juicy, but sad Juice man won’t smile when commanded to “say cheese!”  So, Teresa tries any professional photographers go to phrase, “you wanna bang me in the ass?”  Which, actually just ends up annoying him more.  She then asks him if he wants to “stick your finger up my ass?”  OY vey, my veterinarian does that to my dog, and let’s just say, it doesn’t elicit a smile from anyone.

Teresa tells us that Juicy gets very cranky without his “hanky panky” once a day.  As evidenced by the relentless promos of Juicy taking a phone call in private, we shall draw our own conclusions about where is hanky is pankied.  It’s not on this RV trip and explains his crankiness.

Richie takes the wheel of one of the RV’s and Sassy Greg reminds him that it isn’t a magic carpet.  Meanwhile, in the Laurita/Manzo RV, Jacs dishes to Matriarch Mama Manzo about the crazy, half-assed make up sesh between her and Teresa the night before.  Cut to Teresa dishing her side of the story with Melissa.  Melissa ain’t buyin’ what Tre is selling.  She is trying to explain the root of the issue to Teresa and tells her that she gave up any right to her privacy when she spilled to the tabloids.  She also encourages Teresa to stop shit talking about everyone in the magazines.  Melissa is ready to move onward and upward and she is optimistic.  Teresa tells her about how she and Jacs cried and hugged it out and everything should be rainbows and lollipops.

Jacs is still a little wishy washy, but Lauren bottom lines it for her.  She has to stay superficial with Teresa because she is a shady bitch.  Caroline looks on with her haggard, bull dog, disapproving face.  Caroline announces she is done with Teresa and Jacs feels like she knows her boundaries with Teresa now.  Lauren doesn’t understand why she wants to hang around with someone who is screwing people over all the time.  Neither do we Lauren, but it makes for good ratings.

Teresa insists that Joe pull over so she and Juicy can have sex in a vineyard and wants to take a video.  Melissa comments that a video will really do a lot for her career since she is such a media hooo-ahh.  Teresa snaps “that’s not nice!”  I snap…well played Melissa, well played!

The gang arrives at Lancaster Estate and it looks like the plush surroundings Teresa had in mind when they first arrived at the campground/parking lot.  Chris is a bit worried about the impending drinking and spewing.  This is, after all, an important business trip for him.  Good thing he brought all of these ass-bags with him.  The gang gets ready to go to on a tour of the Levendi Winery, which is the wine that Chris and the Boyz II Manzos will be marketing.  Juicy and Teresa strap on the red Solo cups full o’ wine and Chris lectures everyone about being on their best behavior.  What he sadly fails realize, is that they are on their best behavior.  This is as good as it gets Manzo man, this situation is fraught with peril.  The rug rats get a tour of the winery and of course, Juicy Joe is a big fat menace.  He tries to one up the tour guide over the cost of barrels, he scoffs at the cabernet wine sample, and then tries to get Richie to leave with him so they can go eat.  Really.  Quite.  Embarrassing.

Teresa senses the irritation of the Manzos and she doesn’t understand why they are not having fun.  The two Joes start horsing around throwing grapes into each other’s mouths like two stooges off the street.  Chris is annoyed, but he really should have known better than to invite this motley crew on a business meeting.  Fraught.  With.  Peril.

Back in the bus, Papa Manzo gets so irritated with Juicy that they actually get into a shouting argument about the location of a KFC.  Papa Manzo even drops an f-bomb, which I f*cking love and raises his voice to the Juice man, “you’re a loser!”  Caroline hangs her head in agony, ready to jump from the careening shuttle bus.  I have to say the KFC argument was the highlight of this episode.  Finger.  Lickin’.  Good.

The next day, the crew is greeted by the owners of the Lancaster Estate to go on the tour of their winery.  The crew is shown into a cave and the wine maker is doling out samples.  The two idiot Joes start jumping around on a sculpture that they think looks like Joe’s “junk”.  I swear to God, these two are like 12 year olds.  Chris Manzo is about to blow, and I really don’t know why.  Isn’t that what you do on a winery tour, dry hump the sculptural artwork?  Lauren puts a blind fold on Caroline and everyone arrives to a lovely dinner set in the middle of the vineyard.  The Manzo Men planned the special dinner for her 50th birthday.  The Boyz II Manzos gives a nice toast, which makes Caroline a wee bit misty.  It’s Lauren’s turn and Juicy pipes up like an idiot and Melissa tells him to stop, “it’s the children’s day.”  Later, Christopher asks Juicy what he was going to say and he goes on about “go back a long time…clients of yer restaurant…whadda ya’ call it…continue the friendship…nevermind the bullcrap…that’s it.”  Teresa starts crying and Richie ribs her and says it must be the onions in the salad making her cry.  Or it could just be that deep down she knows she is a flaming shit heel.

In the middle of dinner, Juicy excuses himself to take a work phone call.  Oh Juicy, a work call, really?  You forget that you are unemployable, unable to drive, just generally a slug, and you are wearing a mic?  He grumbles to the person he is speaking to and then his tone changes, he’s being flirtatious, if that is possible for a Mucinex slug.  Teresa is annoyed and she gets up to walk over to him, he says “Hold on.  Here she comes.  My bitch wife.  She’s such a c*nt!”

Well, there you have it folks, in subtitles as plain as day.  As she stands there he calls her a “retard” and then he pretends to speak Italian on the phone as if he is talking to a worker.  It’s painfully obvious that she knows what’s up.  Even if this trash bag isn’t cheating on her, he is verbally abusive and now she has it documented for her divorce attorney.

 

The gang calls them over for a group picture, but Teresa and Juicy walk away.  She leads Juicy out to the vineyard to entice him into a little “ape in the grapes” “splendor in the vines”, which is really just pathetic given the situation.  He rebuffs her and calls her a “f*ckin’ whore” and the rest of the group can hear them and they become concerned.  Caroline doesn’t understand if they are fighting or what and Melissa can see Teresa lifting up her dress.  Teresa just oozes class and refinement, doesn’t she?  Richie narrates a play by play and then really sums it up with a final blow “this guy doesn’t want you in the bedroom, what makes you think he’s gonna do ya’ in gravel?”  Ouch.  Juicy hoists her up, “just get it over with.”  Annnnnnddd…there’s your sex tape!

The next day, Teresa is still trying to get fresh with Juicy and he swats her away like a mosquito.  Their status has gone from pathetic to just plain sad.  The gang prepares for their final dinner and Jacs is helping Teresa with her hair and they discuss how the men are getting along.  Jacs suggests that Chris and Juicy have a talk and clear the air over the tension between them.  Teresa continues to trash talk Kathy and brings up those GD recipes because everybody knows we can’t possibly let that go.

Meanwhile, Kathy is assisting Caroline with her hair, co-wink-ee-dink?  Kathy asks about the Teresa/Jacs status and Caroline thinks they have agreed to disagree.  Jacs enters and Kathy touches up her curls while digging deeper into what actually went on.  Jacs says she is fine with the “arrangement” she and Teresa have reached.  Caroline points out that she has seen Teresa moving toward Melissa, but not Kathy.  Which stirs the pot is a good segue into the final scene.

The group sits down for the last supper and Teresa wants to “say a toast”, where she thanks Chris and Jacs for inviting them, to Joe and Melissa for spending time, getting along, blah blah blah, and then a happy 50th Birthday to Caroline.  Caroline refuses to raise her glass to raise her glass to a mean toast and the Manzo clan scuttlebutts about the painfully evident toast diss.  Kathy is embarrassed and feels left out.  Richie says Teresa is a “F*ckin’ loser”, and speaking of losers, all Juicy has to say during dinner is that cheese makes him poop.

Surf and Turf

We return to Pillar Point Harbor where the gang is still camping in the parking lot.  Everyone goes about their morning routine, Albie sings a ditty “In the Tent, In the Tent, in the Tent…” to the tune of Melissa’s song “On Display”.  Lauren puts on her makeup, Papa Manzo is trying to chop wood with a meat cleaver, and Jacs and Teresa chuckle over almost wearing the same sweatshirt.  Wow Teresa and Jacs sharing a sweatshirt moment…do I smell a reconciliation?  No, that’s just Joe Gorga taking his pants off again!

Chris is ready to go surfing while Vito shows Joe the “tattoo” of a bear on his ass.  Joe takes the bait and gets an eye-shot straight up Vito’s asshole.  Papa Manzo is not amused that this is what will be marrying his daughter.  Juicy Joe makes sure everyone gets good and liquored up prior to surfing, because that is such a great idea.  The gang piles into a surf shop to buy gear and grease up.  Everyone is worried about Joe because he is wasted and he can barely move in his wet suit, but hey, going surfing when you have no idea what you are doing, drunk, it’s all good.

Joe looks like the creature from the black lagoon and Melissa decides to stay on shore and rock out her bedazzled bikini because heaven forbid she would put on that unflattering wetsuit.  Kathy and Teresa get a quick lesson and they try to ride the waves.  Kathy gives it a valiant effort and Teresa tries a few times, but falls and plugs her nose each time.  I thought only five year olds did that.  Maybe she will hit her head and get some GD sense knocked into her.  But alas, the only injury she suffers is her toe and then we are treated to another scary commentary moment with Teresa in her “I murdered a pheasant” dress.  In case you missed it…

The gang is all having a blast on the beach, even the Joes are getting along.  The crazy hooo-ahs jog along the beach as if they are in “Baywatch”.  Albie thinks it’s too good to be true…could that be the giant wave of foreshadowing rolling in???

Back in the RV, Teresa groans about her toe injury, which now appears to be more of a foot/ankle deal.  While she is groaning in pain trying to ice her foot with a frozen tube of Jimmy Dean sausage, Juicy thinks it will be funny to take the sausage and hold it by his crotch and pretend like he is competing with Joe.  Of course Joe don’t need no stinkin’ props, he shows us the real thing…AGAIN.  Teresa is grossed out and doesn’t want to be like Angelina Jolie and her brother.  OY…a collective OY!

Juicy shouts that he only “shows mines to womens!”  Yes, womens, of course only womens he dated before Teresa.  Not the “friend with the missing wallet” with whom Juicy was feverishly texting at the meeting of the man mind prior to this trip, never.  Teresa doesn’t really pick up on what her slug of a husband is saying, she is too distracted by Melissa spanking and fondling her ham hocks.  Kathy decides to break up their party and coaxes Teresa and Melissa out to the campfire to continue getting loaded.  Chris lectures everyone about getting up early to so they can get going and Juicy starts mouthing off.  Melissa decides they should play “Truth or Dare” and the Boyz II Manzos dare Joe to strip down into his underwear and knock on the door of another RV and ask if they have any tropical fruit.  And faster than shit through a short dog, Joe is down to his skivvies and headed to the neighboring RV.

The man who answers the door is actually quite calm about it and offers him some vegetables instead.  Joe scores a green pepper and it qualifies for completing the dare.

Albie takes a “truth” question and Lauren asks if he fears being separated from his siblings.  Albie is looking forward to being separated from them so they can all move forward on their separate paths.  Dun, dun, dun…more foreshadowing?

Teresa isn’t receiving enough attention so she has to start whining about her foot again.  The gang fears her foot or ankle may be broken, Jacs sits by her side like a loyal lap dog and offers her comfort.  Juicy begrudgingly carries Teresa in to the RV so she can rest, but not first without commenting on how heavy she is.  I’m sure it’s hard to carry anything with those short little Jabba arms of his.

Teresa is miraculously cured overnight and the next day, she is cramming her swollen foot/ankle into gold metallic snakeskin cowboy boots.  The crew rolls out to their next destination and Melissa and Teresa have a conversation about fake boobs.  We are treated to an old clip of Teresa from back in the day, day when she first went in for a consultation to enhance her 34 AAA’s.  Apparently, Teresa gave Melissa a hard time about her fake boobs and thought only strippers had them, but of course when the time came to enhance her own, it was permissible.

Albie takes a call from Lindsey and she says something about boxes and his apartment.  Caroline’s head spins 360 degrees and she is confused by this apartment talk, how did Lindsey find an acceptable apartment so quickly, Mama Manzo wonders.  Albie realizes the cat is outta the Louis Vuitton bag and he fesses up.  Of course, Caroline is concerned that Albie is moving too fast and Albie dreads telling Lauren because he knows it will mean another epic meltdown.  Christopher decides to call Lauren on the walkie talkie to tell her that Lindsey moved into their apartment.  Lauren is pissed, I think a text would have been better.  She wishes they would have taken her to lunch and told her face to face.  I am not sure I understand Lauren’s unhealthy obsession with her brothers.

Teresa shrieks “Golden Gate Bridge” and can’t figure out why it is red instead of gold.  Why is everything with her so literal?  Juicy Joe of course has his commentary about the bridge, as if it’s no big deal, he can build bridges like that in his sleep.  Yes Juicy, because you’re the best at everything.

A collective freak out takes over when the gang realizes there is no cell service as they drive deeper into the woods.  Juicy compares it to “Deliverance” and they see people hitch hiking.  They arrive at Casini Ranch Campground and Teresa remarks on the ducks “OMG…look at the swan’s, how pretty!”  If this chick ever went to a zoo, her head would explode.

The men go to the general store and buy a bunch of crap and some mood rings.  Chris brings Jacs some chicken broth, salt and pepper, and buns and she is supposed to whip up a meal outta that.  Juicy gives Teresa the mood ring and she kisses him gratefully.  Richie has purchased a whiffle ball bat, much to Kathy’s chagrin and she tells him to “go play in traffic!”  We later learn that Richie’s M.O. is one of “f*cking up a one car funeral on a one way street”  This way Kathy never asks him to do things.

The ladies actually put out a pretty impressive spread, for camping and the limited supplies they had to work with.  Vito asks Lauren for some ribs and she yells at him about getting a plate.  Chris starts sassing off to Lauren and she gets pissed and then her whole family gangs up on her about being overly sensitive.  For f*cks sake, the poor girl is starving!  Caroline comments that Lauren locked herself in the RV “because she’s an asshole”.  That sound byte actually sounded a bit doctored, as if Caroline made the asshole comment about Teresa someone else and the editing geniuses at Bravo dubbed it in.  Lauren is pissed off about her brothers’ constant obnoxious behavior and is getting no support, the gang decides to let her cry it out in RV #3.

The next day, the group goes to the Russian River for some canoeing hijinks.  The instructors are giving the group a lesson, but the boys are too busy playing with super soakers and they miss the important debriefing about the river ticks that will eat them alive.  The couples take off and they are a hot mess.  Caroline and Albert go their own way to have a peaceful canoe ride on more civilized waters, while the others stay back and act like four year olds.  Melissa and Joe fall out of the canoe and Melissa starts screaming like a howler monkey and that is no exaggeration.  You would think she was dumped into a vat of hydrochloric acid infested with piranha.  The crew takes a quick break on the side of the creek and the two Joes walk off to the bushes to pee and find a cure for cancer.  Melissa and Kathy take a moment to catch up and give each other Teresa updates.

Caroline and Jacs talk all things Teresa while Joe questions Teresa on her take of the situation.  Teresa continues to play victim, Jacs broke her heart, she cried for two days…wah, wah, wah.  Melissa gives her the death glare and Joe has had enough and knows that Teresa is wrong and Jacs has backed Teresa up every step of the way.

The gang hangs out around the fire and Jacs is sucking on a wine cooler.  I didn’t even know they made wine coolers anymore.  Teresa invites Jacs to come help her get dessert.  Translation = I want to confront you and make you feel like you effed up and I will squeeze an apology out of you with a garlic press if I have to.  They sit down in the RV and Teresa starts the one sided, I didn’t do anything wrong, bull shit, “where do we go from here, I’m still hurt.”  Clearly, these two have different definitions of what a friend is.

The gang is starting to panic a bit because the crazy bitches have been gone too long, and they want their apple pie, GODDAMMNIT!  Jacs tells Teresa they can just be surface friends and not ask questions.  Teresa says they should go separate ways then and Jacs starts crying.  Teresa bumbles her way through the rest of the conversation, fake cries, and gets a paper towel to dab Jacs’ tears.  Teresa says that out of the goodness of her heart, she thinks she may be able to forgive Jacs.  F’ing Jacs buys it, hook, line, and sinker.  Not only that, but she APOLOGIZES to Teresa.  I am completely gob smacked.  They re-join the group and Caroline tells the camera “As sure as I know my name is Caroline Manzo, I know Jacs is going to get hurt.”