Never Land

Part one of the three part Atlanta reunion begins and OHAC (Our Host Andy Cohen) dives right in by admiring Kim’s wig and ring, he asks She by Shereé if she is wearing She by Shereé, but we all know that is impossible since her clothing line does not exist, much like Chateau by Shereé.  More on that later…Phaedra is looking “donktacular”, Nene is feeling “Gleeful” due to her “Glee” fame, which has made her very rich, and Cynthia and Kandi are both sporting totally new weaves.  The fur was really flyin’, therefore, we will break it down into sections:

Label Whores:  Cynthia comments on the focus on labels and finds it to be an ATL thing.  They talk about Africa, Nene totally denies she is a label whore and Kim looks beyond horrified at the denial.  Cynthia takes round one for being the only one appropriately dressed in Africa.

Bedroom Kandi or Growth is a Beautiful Thing:  We re-visit the Bedroom Kandi journey and the infamous “ReDICKulous” incident.  This shit just never gets old.  Nene has one of the lines of the season “It is disgusting to jump out of a box, on top of a table, when guests are dressed in their nice Versace, and you are sucking your penis.”  Then we are treated to the classic Mama Joyce moment “I mean…that’s…that’s…that’s f*cked up!”

Well Kandi is laughing all the way to the bank, her toys are selling out.  She is drawing crowds from all walks of life, including geriatric patients.  OHAC makes the first tactical error of the night by asking Nene her opinion of all this.  She has grown and she has no time to sit around with 40 year old women gossiping about bull shit.  Kandi says she is coming off judgmental and I knew she would whip out the “you used to be a stripper” card.  They argue and the bottom line is that Nene doesn’t care if “I stripped when I was 20, 30, 40, or 50…I do not want a dildo up my ass, today.”  Round two goes to Kandi, because despite Nene’s line of the night, Kandi is the real deal rich bitch.

Make no mistake, there will be NO dildos of any kind up her ass…TODAY!

Kandi’s New Man and Kim’s New Baby Bump:  Kandi’s new beau is Todd and he’s a production manager for the show.  She is very much in love and they are moving in together.  Good for Kandi!  OHAC transitions to Kim’s newfound love life and she announces that she is four months pregnant.  She receives some half-assed “congrats” from her fellow bitches.  OHAC finds it hard to believe that Kim is off the cigs and wine for good and he worries about her blowing through Kroy’s money.  Kim has been spending, the Porsche, the house, and whoa, a boat!  Kim also defends her new nanny choices, her relationship with Sweetie is all good, but Big Papa questions are off limits.  Nene has rolled her eyes about 19 times and we are only 23 minutes in.  Round three is all Kim’s, she has really changed a lot for the better and seems genuinely happy, when she is not arguing with Nene.

She by Sherage:  She by Shereé spent most of the season fighting Teflon Bob for child support and she has not made any progress with that, or her broke down weave.  She becomes emotional and Phaedra offers comfort via a tissue and a caring hand on her back.  As soon as She by Shereé starts to blame Phaedra for not handling her case properly, Phaedra quickly removes the comforting hand and prepares to explain basic family law…AGAIN.  Phaedra was waiting to be retained (paid), but She by Shereé claims Phaedra was waiting on cameras and had to be counseled by another attorney because she did not know what to do.  They argue about what Phaedra knows or doesn’t know…bottom line Phaedra name drops that she worked in family law for Bobby Brown, points out that She by Shereé’s case is in the same place it was before, but ultimately she will let She by Shereé wear the crown because she is the queen of throwing everybody under the bus.  Oh I can’t wait until we get to the Black Baby discussion.  Round four goes to our donkalicious Phaedra.

Chateau by Shereé, or Lack Thereof:  She by Shereé claims that she had a problem with someone who was misappropriating funds and she had to hire a new contractor and OHAC will be the first one over for tea.  He asks Phaedra what she saw at Chateau by Shereé and she replies she saw “dirt and grass”.  He addresses some tweets from Nene and she called it “Neverland” because nothing was there.  She says NEVER LAND a few times, which sets us up nicely for the next segue…Round five Neverland Nene.

Nene is VERY Rich Bitch or “What Time is It?”:  This segment was so nonsensical I couldn’t stand it.  Nene and She by Shereé argued about why Nene said she was rich and it basically winds down in petty insults… “you could use a bleaching”… “you could use a trim down on those doggie teeth”… “those big ol’ calves could use a trim down, they could bus’ a ball any day now boo boo, and those thighs.”  She by Shereé accuses Nene of trying to change what she said and Nene says she has no need to back pedal and they start arguing about finances and She by Shereé plays the “Bryson shop lifting at Wal-Mart” card and Nene goes ballistic.  She gives her “the hand”, which appears to be a sardonic dismissal akin to “f*ck off.”  Round six also goes to Nene because, well there was no need for She by to bring up Nene’s son and the calf comment was just funny and true.

Kandi the Complete Snitch:  Kandi defends her position about her behavior after the Miami trip.  She said “Nene is rich” to the other ladies behind her back.  Nene felt Kandi was trying to take a shot and Cynthia said it appeared to be instigating.  Kandi further confirmed that she has said Nene has done well and taken advantage of her opportunities.  Kim seals it with a kiss and says Kandi is the real rich bitch.  Round seven goes to Kandi because she has brains, has an established career, and a fat bank account.  This ATL bullshit is just milk money for Miss Kandi.

So that’s it in a nutshell, part two looks promising with an appearance by Peter the Crab and Marlo the escort.  Until then…

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