Gotta Have It or Make It Stop?

It’s the top eight performing hits from the 80’s and OHRS treats us to an old 80’s photo of the DAWG, which is tragic.  Although at the time it was “Fly” as the DAWG would have us believe.  Not the actual photo, but you get the gist:

Milli Vanilli is up first with “I Like It” by DeBarge.  Gwen Stefani is the mentor this week and she thinks he looks scared while he sings.  Jimmy hopes he can conquer the nerves and pre-predicts he will be in the bottom three.  Man, Jimmy has some ballz on him, counting the poor kid out before he even begins.  DeAndre delivers his melodic performance and it’s a bit better than last week and he shows a little more range then just the cat-shrilly high notes.  He gives a final hair flip before JHO digs in and says she liked it A LOT, translation = DeAndre is her type.  She enjoyed the hair up there and Steven found it captivating and said he forgot where he was.  That wasn’t due to the performance Steven, that’s brain damage.  DAWG thought it was one of his best performances.

Elise is going to take the stage with “I Wanna Know What Love Is” by Foreigner.  Gwen says her voice is “sick” and this could be a magic moment for Elise.  Steven weaves back and forth while listening to the performance, with no rhythm whatsoever.  Elise gets her moment at the end with the explosive chorus, but this is not my favorite performance of hers.  Steven agreed it wasn’t the right song and not her best, JHO gives her the “you look beautiful” kiss of death, and DAWG called it one of the greatest songs ever, but she was pitchy the whole song and out of tune everywhere.  I concur.  The only thing worse than her performance was the images of pocket watches floating around behind her.

Contestants will be paired for duet interludes this evening and Colton and Skylar are up first with “Islands in the Stream”.  Colton finally went with all one color on his hair.  To call this performance cheezy would be an understatement.  Colton looks like he is in pain and the corny backdrop and smoke machine are not helping.  I found it painful to watch.  DAWG and JHO enjoyed it, Steven said they were a “match made in heaven”.  OHRS eluded to “dating” rumors, but the only thing Colton has a special relationship with is his hair.

Dave Matthews is next with “That’s All” by Genesis.  He takes the stage in his favorite color, bong water grey, and delivers an equally dull performance with help from his brother on guitar.  Steven loves him, JHO thought it was a bit off at first, but ended up great.  DAWG dives in and thought it was great too.

Hollie and DeAndre perform their duet “I’m So Excited”.  If all else fails, they can probably get jobs on a Disney Cruise Ship.  OY.  This was even more painful to watch than the previous duet and you can almost tell they feel silly.  Steven enjoyed it and liked to see Hollie “let go”, JHO thought it was great, DAWG said “very very very very nice”.

Mantasia will sing “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” by Simply Red.  Gwen and Jimmy help him with the arrangement and Jimmy is confident.  His performance garners a standing O and the DAWG yells out “CRAZY” repeatedly.  JHO says “ask and you shall receive” as she asked for more “powerhouse” right before his performance.  She calls it “spectacular”, Steven said “over the top” and he is in awe of his ability at such a young age, DAWG says it was mature and “so in the zone”.  “Do you gotta have it?” is DAWG’s new catch phrase and Joshua has gotta have it!

BB Chez is up with “How Will I Know” by Whitney.  Gwen coaches her a bit on her movement and dissuades her from using “typical lounge singer moves”.  With that being said, Jessica starts the number amidst a group of awkward looking teens clapping off beat.  I’m not sure I really liked this, I am glad she did something up tempo, but I think it’s a bit pitchy, DAWG.  Furthermore, the background photos that are flashing behind her are of some sort of ancient relic…wait, they are cassette tapes.  Her choreography was also way too literal.  JHO looks a bit uneasy, but pours on the praise and Steven says she is “fantastic”, and the DAWG felt Jessica’s maturity.  She’s gotta have it too!

Dave Matthews and Elise sing “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” for their duet.  DAWG welcomes Elise back and says “that was HOT!”  JHO and Steven also enjoyed it and it was the best duet so far.

Hollie is up next with “What a Feeling” from Flashdance.  Jimmy actually doesn’t like the song, but he likes Hollie’s version.  Gwen encourages her to bring an edge to it.  They have a technical difficulty and OHRS has to stall a bit, but Hollie is off and running in her sparkly blue flapper dress she borrowed from Dancing With the Stars.  I am afraid the song choice may take her out and she appears completely crestfallen when she is done because she knows she bombed.  Steven said her pitch was all over the place, JHO wants her to let it go, DAWG agrees she is thinking too much and needs to just live it.

The final duet of the night is BB Chez and Mantasia with “I Knew You Were Waiting For Me”.  They get a standing O from the judges as JHO pulls her skirt out of her ass.  DAWG calls them the best singers in the competition and one of the greatest performances on the show, ever.  JHO has visions of the final in her eyes and Steven called it “so over the top, it defies judging”.

Colton picks a winner with “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper.  He puts a rock twist on it and makes it his own, which judges always love.  I wasn’t particularly impressed with the performance, he was singing in a way that Simon Cowell would call “highly affected”.  Steven loved it, but gave more props to the drummer.  JHO said she felt many different things and liked the ending.  DAWG likes that he made it his own, of course, and said the drummer was “ridiculous.”  OHRS asks Colton if the hair was “foil or one-step?”

Skylar rounds out the night with “Wind Beneath My Wings” and Gwen thinks she could have a “wow” moment.  Well at least wardrobe department didn’t put her in something that makes her ass look ridonkulous, and it appears that they have been shopping at Charming Charlie for ginormous earrings.

She garners a standing O for herself and actual tears from JHO because the movie “Beaches” always makes her cry.  DAWG jumps in with “wow, wow, wow” he loves it and calls it her best performance to date.  JHO said her performance told America “do…not…count…me…out!”  Steven thought it was a great song pick for the end of the night and the beginning of a great career.

Overall, I would say it’s more like “make it stop” than “gotta have it”.  Not the best show, but then again the 80’s were not the best decade.  We start the results show with a premiere of JHO’s new video “Dance Again”.  JHO said it has a “good message”.  I suppose, if that message is “I’m a skank in a wind machine”.  It’s basically JHO covered in body glitter, pretending like she is Madonna, a little bit o’ Auto Tune at its finest, a wind machine, and JHO’s current boy toy, Casper the Overly-Friendly Dancer.

Mantasia is not feeling well tonight and is on the verge of passing out, I think OHRS gave him some tainted crawfish.  Jimmy comments that he talked to Joshua about being overly affected and he has improved greatly.  BB Chez is also summoned to the stage, but Jimmy said her performance wasn’t enough.  Mantasia is safe and he gives hugs all around to make sure to knock out the competition with his bird flu virus.  BB Chez also safe.  No surprises here.

Skylar and Colton are up next.  Jimmy said Skylar proved her worth and has potential to win.  Jimmy thought Colton was good, but not great.  OHRS is going to make these two sweat a bit more and he calls Hollie and Milli Vanilli up.  Jimmy did not like Hollie’s performance at all and she may be fighting with DeAndre for who is packing.  Jimmy felt that DeAndre was not great and he needs to grow.  DeAndre is sent to the stools of death and Hollie joins him.  Colton and Skylar are safe.

Elise and Dave Matthews are up to hear their fate.  Jimmy felt that Phillip was good, but it was his worst performance so far on the show.  Elise apparently sang better in rehearsals and Jimmy called it “an old fashioned choke”.  Of the two, Elise goes to the old fashioned stool of death and Phillip gets to take a seat and just be himself in his bong water grey shirt.  In a last minute twist before the commercial break, OHRS sends Hollie back to safety.

The judges give their opinion and JHO said that America got the bottom two half right.  Sort of a slam to Elise considering DeAndre is JHO’s boy toy in training.  Elise is more talented and experienced than he is and DeAndre has a lot of growing to do.  Elise is safe, so at least America did get that half right.  Eat it, JHO!

DeAndre does his Jamaican jam sing for safety along with his hair flips and bouncing curls.  I think we already know that the hair up there is going buh-bye.  The audience is chanting “Save! Save! Save!”, JHO voted to save him, but DAWG and Steven over ruled and the hair up there has been treated with Nair…poof he is gone.

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