Let Them Eat Cake

We return to crazy town with Cynthia and Peter rehashing the anniversary party.  Cynthia speculates on what Mal’s problem is, she deduces it to drunk, lost her mind, mid-life crisis, or stuck in the past.  How about all of the above?  These are all valid questions, even if they’re the same ones we asked of Cynthia last season when she married the ultimate broke-ass crab cake, Peter.  He is no saint in this matter either, he instigated things by excluding Mal from the toast he gave at the party.

Kandi arrives at Kim’s house so they can talk it out one on one, like they should have in the first place.  Kim realizes that Kandi wouldn’t say anything about a “black baby”, but they do need to work on their friendship because it has been rocky since the “Tardy For the Party” debacle.  Kandi just wants to get it back on track, have some chicken nuggets, mac-n-cheese, and beat Kim at rousing game of Connect Four.

Nene takes her boobs and tambourine earrings to visit her attorney and his associate named “Thad”.  Her lawyer has the agreement ready for signature so that the divorce can be finalized.  She is ready to have someone scoop her “ghetto ass up”.  However, she is also very scared to go it alone because she had Greg in her life so long.  She decided she wants to think about it a bit longer and we watch as a bit of Thad dies inside.  What is a money grubbing label whore to do?

Apollo is speaking at the Mason Lodge and the theme is “Passport to Manhood”.  Phaedra tries to encourage him over the phone by telling him to look at everyone in the audience and pretend they are “nekkid”.  He is reading his speech from piece of paper as he is driving, my best advice, don’t drive and read.  He gets through his moment and Phaedra is proud and thinks “he looked fine doin’ it.”  He is fine, and we have pictures to prove it later in this column.

She by Shereé visits her daughter, Tierra, and she drops the bomb on She by Shereé that she is probably getting engaged soon.  She by Shereé suggests she have her own money set aside, but then launches into her own spirit crushing diatribe about how horrible marriage is and how all her dreams will go down the drain.  Which gave her the perfect segue into carping about her ongoing child support issues.

Cynthia is working at her agency and Mal drops in to tell her she is leaving for France.  She apologizes to Cynthia, but Cynthia ain’t havin’ it.  She tells Mal she loves her anyway, she just doesn’t like her right now.  Fair ‘nuff.

Phaedra is having a birthday party for Ayden at a water park and she charted a bus to transport the guests, hired four party planners, and topped the baby off with a Burbury hat.  The ever disgusting Dwight is there and starts fawning over Phaedra and the baby.  She by Shereé is more disgusted by the fact that they had to go two hours away for a one year olds party.  Dwight walks in and She by Shereé is wondering where he has been, Phaedra must have brought him back from the dead and apparently done his makeup too.  He has a full face of pancake makeup on, sheesh, I don’t even want to think about what his ring around the collar looked like.  Phaedra has 12 baby cakes, one for each month of Ayden’s life.  She has each one presented to him and they are all very extravagant.  I guess Baby Ayden does get to have his cake and eat it too.  Maybe he can share with Nene.  And now as promised…Apollo hot cakes:

Sidebar:  In the small “intermediary” blip that Bravo gives us on every show right about the 43 minute mark, Marlo and Lawrence are having a chat and she finally owns up to using the “f” word.  He gives her permission to use the word “queen”, but then she has to split because Nieman’s is holding the doors open late for her.  Yea right.  I think this really deserved more than the intermediary moment because if you are fast forwarding, you would miss this part.  Although, maybe Bravo wants us to miss it so we continue hating on Marlo.  She really takes the cake!

She by Shereé and Damon (Tiara’s boyfriend) sit down to discuss the impending engagement.  Damon reveals that he talked to Bob “Teflon” Whitfield about it and She by Shereé is about to lose it.  She gets a big laugh out of the fact that Damon thinks Bob is paying for the wedding.  She by Shereé offers to go ring shopping with him, but Damon is literally sweating ballz at the thought of it.  She by Shereé asks him if he will get three karats and he says he is not sure and is not really looking at color and clarity.  When She by Shereé put her eyeballs back in her head after he said that, she shared at him like he was a crumb snatcher.  Nothing like setting up her daughter and future son in law for financial failure by pressuring him to buy something he clearly can’t afford.

Nene is visiting a therapist to try and decide if she and Greg will stay together or just be done.  Basically the therapist tells her she can’t have her cake and eat it too, but Nene doesn’t see why not.  She needs to think about it because underneath it all, Nene loves Greg like a fat kid loves cake.

Kandi arrives at Jo Dee Messina’s recording studio in Nashville and she’s a bit out of her element.  They prepare to go to The Bluebird Café to debut the new single, “If Money Grew on Trees”.  They sing their little ditty and it gets a descent response and Kandi’s debut in the country music world is the icing on her cake.

Well money doesn’t grow on trees folks, if it did Bryson wouldn’t have to resort to petty theft at the local Wal-Mart.  Peter wouldn’t have to borrow money from his wife to throw a party for themselves.  Damon could buy Tiara a three karat ring with excellent color and clarity.  Nene could get a boob lift AND bigger earrings, and well…Phaedra could have had 24 baby cakes for Ayden!

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