Kandi Koated Fights

The gang prepares to leave Africa and Nene couldn’t be more excited about all of her special snacks she has lined up for the airplane.  Marlo orders the concierge, who she calls “Blue Eyes” to start packing her red bottoms while she eats a glass of ice with a spoon.  She is such a freak.

Cynthia and Kandi talk about how dinner “super sucked” and Kandi is still pissed about She by Shereé twisting her words about Kim and the orphanage.

The staff sings the “going home” song to the ladies and something tells me this is more of a celebration for them than anything.  Phaedra has realized that you “eulogize” yourself with the deeds you do everyday and it’s more than superficial things.  She by Shereé wants to shatter the misconception that Africa has in the media.  Whatever…Ho.  Nene feels they are back where they started, two groups divided.  As they pull away in the bus, Phaedra says the rain must be Africa crying because they are leaving.  Those would be tears of joy.

Back in Haterville, Kim is looking for a nanny.  Kim has two housekeepers now, Pincha and Febe.  Kim is frustrated with the sub-par resumes she is reviewing and she spots Sweetie hanging out by the pool and shouts, “it’s not like you needs a damn tan!”  Or something like that.  Sweetie asks Pincha about being the nanny because she has 7 years of experience.  Kim is furious that Sweetie didn’t tell her before Kim reached the end of her braid.

Cynthia and Peter are getting reacquainted since she didn’t even speak to him the whole time she was gone.  She returned home bearing gifts for her daughter Noelle, but she forgot about Peter.  Peter is planning a big one year wedding anniversary party for himself and his “dead in the eyes” bride, but she feels like he is only doing that because he feels robbed and their wedding was overshadowed by so much drama.  Speaking of drama, Cynthia tells Peter that Bryson, Nene’s son, was arrested again, this time for shoplifting razors and gum at Wal-Mart.  WTF, Bryson!?!?  Peter thinks he is looking for attention and Cynthia suggests he talk to Nene about it further and maybe he could reach out to Bryson.

Kandi catches up with Mama Joyce, who is sporting our favorite “Three’s Company” wig.  Mama Joyce doesn’t understand how Nene and Marlo “got to be so coo.”  Kandi shows Mama some photos of the kids at the orphanage.  Kandi gives her the 411 about the black baby gate incident.  Mama Joyce is optimistic that everything will work out.

Kim is meeting with her interior decorator, Kendra.  She is having naked pictures of her and Kroy framed and placed throughout the house they are leasing from Kendra.  Which is bizarre, what interior decorator re-decorates their home for their renters?  While we ponder this, K-Chunk KJ drops a deuce in his pants.  The conversation turns from fabric swatches to Sweetie and her overall lackluster performance as an assistant.  And no decorator consultation would be complete without the mis-411 about the black baby gate.  Kendra seems to think they must have been “clowning” and they didn’t mean it and Kim rebuts, She by Shereé doesn’t lie.  Yea well Kim, Kandi also doesn’t talk like a damn hood rat.  Kandi would never say “black baby”.

Kandi and Phaedra are on their way to Kim’s for lunch and they decide to stop off and check out Chateau by Shereé and they find it rather Chateau less.  They stand there with bugs buzzing around their heads “I don’t think it’s going to be ready for the holidays” said Phaedra.  I don’t think it’s going to be ready…EVER!

Kim’s chef is preparing lunch for the ladies and She by Shereé is the first to arrive so they can scrap the crap behind everyone’s back.  Kim is stacked, packed, and ready to attack Kandi for her alleged comment and She by Shereé whips out her matches and gasoline.  Get ready for a lunch with a side of some serious “side eye”.

Phaedra admires all of Kim’s flowers as she and Kandi walk up to the Thunderdome.  Phaedra may even pick some Haute Horticulture to adorn her hair.  Phaedra gives Kim a gift from Africa and Kim wastes no time to start making jabs, albeit subtle, about how the ladies were talking about her.  Phaedra comments to the camera “Lord have mercy, I know, before the end of this lovely luncheon, somebody’s gonna bring up somethin’ about this black baby shenanigans and I’m gonna hafta relive another episode of foolery.”  Can I get an AMEN!

Peter goes to meet with his party planner and Nene.  Peter discusses having 150 people for a black tie event and no food.  I don’t know what is wrong with him.  Nene arrives just in time to discuss this nonsense.  She has extravagant ideas and Peter did not bring his checkbook to make a deposit.  I guess they just like to talk about spending money and waste the party planner’s time.  Peter wants to sit with Nene and discuss Bryson’s arrest.  He’s been in jail for five days and Nene doesn’t want to bail him out.  Peter is trying to convince her to get him out of jail because he doesn’t thinks a five day stint could kill a boy like Bryson.  Hey if Marlo can survive, I am sure Bryson can!

Meanwhile, the ladies are sitting down to eat at Kim’s and Kim starts asking questions about Africa and Phaedra talks about the orphanage.  Kim starts with leading questions “oh and orphanage, were there little babies?”  And away we go…there is a long uncomfortable silence and then Kim drops the bomb…let’s quickly recap:

Kim:  “what did you say, Kandi, about me at an orphanage?”

She By:  “why you lookin’ like dat, you said it” [laughing]

Kandi:  “no because that was some straight bull shit, the way you brought back to her”

“Are you serious?”

“OH I’m dead serious!”

There was some more caterwauling, and Kandi tried to explain what Cynthia said.  She By Shereé kept butting in and just fueled the mess.  Kandi said she agreed with Cynthia, but her point was that Kim wouldn’t have come to Africa, period.  Things quickly devolve into a cacophony of a “Woman’s Right to Choose” segment on “The View”.

Kandi turns to Phaedra for some semblance of a voice of reason, but Phaedra’s demeanor falls somewhere between drugged, tired, and just-sustained-a-major-concussion.  Kandi asks Kim point-blank if she would have gone on the trip even though Nene was there.  Kim sticks to her guns and says that she didn’t go because of all she had going on with Kroy being away and the baby.  Kandi is giving up and she now feels that the positive experience at the orphanage is tainted, which it is.  Good thing Bravo paid for the trip.

She by Shereé is smirking like an asshole because she knows she started this ass load of trouble.  Kandi is trying like mad to get her point across.  Kim is full of continual excuses about why she can’t do things with the group.  Kim brings up her nursing degree and Kandi says “my point is people change.”  Kim is totally pissed and admits to the camera that she is floored that Kandi’s opinion of her is so low.  She shouldn’t be surprised, she did bilk Kandi out of the “Tardy for the Party” profits.

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