The Black Baby Elephant in the Room

The ladies settle in for a nice dinner and they reflect on the orphanage visit and it was the best part of the trip.  They were so amazed at how the items they brought made the people so happy, toilet paper, soap, towels…the basics.  They are all realizing how good they have it and they are very blessed, and then…the insufferable Marlo starts demanding a waiter because her food isn’t up to her standards.  She just blows…really.

Phaedra reflects on how silly their squabbles are and Cynthia agrees to remind them of this orphanage visit when the kerfuffle starts.  The ladies toast to unity among them and giving.  I give it two days before something inane erupts.

Next stop is a museum because after all, Phaedra is responsible for raising their cultural awareness.  She says “when you know better, you do better.”  Someone’s been watching Oprah!  Trouble is, these ladies don’t know better.  That’s the bottom line.

The ladies are brought outside to sit with a sangoma, which is an “herbalist”.  No, not “hip artist” ladies.  He is having the ladies smell a jar of his “medicine”.  My guess is that it smells like a cross between Fritos and rotten bologna.  Whatever it is, it makes Nene’s eyes water and she says is smells like pee, of course Phaedra refuses to smell it.  Thank God there is no smell-o-vision.

He tells them he can throw some bones and tell them about their problems.  The women are totally freaked out, but all he has is a bag of shells.  He starts making strange noises and then he tells Kandi that she is going to marry the man she lives with.  When she explains that her former fiancée is no longer alive, he tells her he is with her everywhere.  He tells Marlo that she needs to find a “real man” that loves her.  He tells She by Shereé she won’t get married again because she is too old.  He has Nene blow on the shells and he takes them for a spin.  He says she is not happy, well NO SHIT.  We didn’t need to fly all the way to Africa and sit with a witch doctor to figure that out.  In fact, they could have gone to Miami to visit Mama Elsa…another self-proclaimed witch that can see into people’s lives:

Back to the witch doctor in Africa…he tells Nene that her husband is a good man, but if she isn’t happy she can’t stay.  He says Cynthia is happily married.  Nene starts to argue with the witch doctor about her happiness, and well, that seems like something you just don’t do.  If she was really happy, she shouldn’t have to argue with a witch doctor about it.  I’m jus’ sayin’…

Nene and Marlo invited the other girls over to their room and they have set out all of their shoes and bags like it’s a boutique.  Phaedra counts 29 pairs of shoes that they brought with them.  She by Shereé is a bit put off by the fact that they brought all this excess with them.  The ladies drink a bunch and start the dirty talkin’.  She by Shereé wants nothing to do with it, but then gets roped into it and Cynthia is thrilled that everyone is bonding.  Nothing like a good ol’ tea bagging conversation to bring these skanks together.  Kandi decides to take the floor and address Marlo and questions if they are even getting to know the real Marlo, or is she really just another haggard label whore.  Nene jumps all over it and Kandi “goes there” and says how Nene used to bitch about Kim and her labels.  Marlo has a fit and starts screaming about it and how she loves fashion.  She loves her labels like cooked food, honey!  Cynthia reminds her to use her indoor irrational skank voice and Phaedra reminds everyone that they have another early day in the morning.

Miss Marlo ends up sick as a dog and Nene decides to stay in the room with her for the day.  Phaedra believes that the medicine man put the “hoojoo” on Marlo.  The rest of the gang heads back on safari to see more animals.  Cynthia does admit that Marlo is really not her cup of tea and the smalls are happy to have her in their crew.  The discussion turns back to Kim and I am sure this is going to come back and bite them later.

They arrive at their lunch and a truck pulls up with Nene in the back, ready to police the goings on.  Nene admits that she was leery of leaving Cynthia unattended with the Smalls.  Kandi brings up Marlo again and asks Nene what she thinks about her personality.  At this point, someone must be paying Kandi to be a shit stirrer or a glutton for punishment.  Nene defends to the end and Cynthia comes off as two-faced because now that Nene is present, she has a different opinion on Marlo.  Nene accuses the Smalls of flopping to Kim.  It’s about to go down…

The Smalls are contemplating how Miss Kim is handling her time alone at home now that Kroy is at camp.  They place a Bravo mandated call to Kim to start shit give her a friendly ringy dingy to check in.  Kim finds it ironic that Nene brought Marlo as a tagalong in light of the fact that Nene read her the riot act for bringing Sweetie to Miami.  She by Shereé tells Kim that Kandi said she couldn’t picture Kim at the orphanage holding a black baby.  Kandi flips out because She by Shereé got it twisted.  They hang up with Kim and Kandi calls her out for throwing her under the bus.  Cut to a shot of Cynthia saying that.  She by Shereé doesn’t know when to STFU.  Now Kim is all burnt up because she thinks Kandi said that she wouldn’t hold a black baby.  How easily things get so misconstrued, but then again, this will be the very basis for the next episode, “Black Baby-Gate”.

The ladies arrive for a bar-b-que and they change into some traditional African garb and have some face painting done.  Kandi decides she needs to discuss the black baby elephant in the room and asks Cynthia about the orphanage/Kim/black baby conversation.  Cynthia confirms that Kandi did not say that.  Nene takes her opportunity to pounce and says “so you had to report to your boss.”  Not only have the wheels completely come off the crazy train, but this thing is skidding on the tracks and sparks are a-flyin’.  Kandi is calling everybody out and then she starts on Marlo and her label dropping.  Everyone is just sitting there staring at her.  Phaedra was hoping they could continue to be grateful for all their blessings, but “that would be too much like right with these wrong girls.”  WORD!  Cynthia also points out that they keep going back to the B.S. no matter where they are, as quickly as things change, they stay the same.  WORD!


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