Four on the Floor

Group rounds are up tonight, so maybe, just maybe, we will hear some signing.  Everyone is sleep deprived and cranky, but the show must go on.  We start with The Bettys, they have fought and barfed their way out of the darkness to take the stage.  Based on the facial expressions and Steven’s grumbling throughout the performance, I would say it’s a no go.  DAWG calls it “really bleak”.  Steven delivers the news that only two of The Bettys have made it.  One of the girls takes it pretty hard and she is violently ill in the bathroom.  The sounds and fluids coming out of this girls face are well…disgusting.  This is about as disturbing as…well, Steven and his junk.

Group Sauce is up next and the judges give them a standing O.  Good lookin’ out and they are all immediately through.  679 is up next and it’s all about Brielle and her momager.  Momager prays “please Jesus, I have to deal with her when she comes back to the room.”  What kind of prayer is that?  Sounds like that dynamic duo has bigger issues.  Anyhoo, JHO delivers the crushing blow here, Kyle is the only one not going through.

The Make You Believers are up first and they are all feeling healthy, until another guuuuurrrl down incident.  I guess Jaquie shouldn’t have hugged and twirled around the crazy sickly tent girl the day before and she also jinxed herself by saying “the only thing I caught was a good attitude”.  She will fight through her dizziness and nausea and perform.  Too bad none of her group members can remember the lyrics to their song.  OMFG…all I can say is what a hot ass mess.  DAWG is stunned and JHO says it was a little rough.   Mathenee is the only one going through.

Clearly, the wheels have fallen off this crazy train and groups are crumbling under the pressure, forgetting lyrics, making up words, and mumbling.  Those Girls and That Guy are up next with Alisha the dump truck cop.  DAWG chuckles, “a li’l rough”, and they’re all sent packing.  Of course, Alisha can’t leave without the last word and she offers herself as “personal security” to the judges.  Sell it down the road, toots.

Area 451 prepares for their time on stage, but Imani looks a little wobbly…annnnnnddd guuuuuurrrrl down!  They are trying to reconnoiter their group and Hollywood Five takes the stage first.  Judges are dancing along and appear to enjoy it, and they are five for five.  Area 451 regroups and Imani is going to try to perform.  She has already collapsed a second time on her way back to rejoin the group, but she is determined.  They start out really rough, forgetting lyrics, and then Imani collapses yet again.  OHRS rushes out with the medics to get her back up and seated to face the judges.  DAWG asks Bryce what was happening with the words and he can’t even find the words to answer.  Only Johnny Keyser, JHO’s golden boy is through.

MIT (Most International Team) takes the stage next where there are too many cowboys and not enough rodeo clowns.  Richie the cowboy stayed behind in the confessional to give his opinions about his group.  They have a few pitch problems, and they all get through but JHO gives a warning that they better all kick it up a notch.  Heejun comes clean about talking crap about Richie and apologizes for what he said.  Everything is okay at the corral (for now).

Day two starts out with Steven and the DAWG jammin’ with the Idol band.  The final 98 contestants will sing solo with the band and may play an instrument if they choose.  Joshua Ledet is up first and Steven asks him to “heal me”.  Judges enjoy his performance and he gets a standing O, but he’s not really my cup of tea.  Our recycled Coca Cola can of the season, Colton “I’m not here to try out, I’m just supporting my sister” Dixon is next, again not one of my favorites.

Phil Phillips is playing guitar and signing, he’s like a bad Dave Matthews knockoff that’s been steeped in skunky marijuana leaves and smoked through a bong made of a toilet paper cylinder and gum wrappers.  Jen Hirsh is up next and she delivers a sultry slow song, which makes Steven giggle.  She rakes in a standing O and a “boo-yah” from Steven.

Creighton Fraker gives it his all and another standing O.  Conversely, the next string of performances take a dive.  OHRS blames it on the rain.  Reed Grimm finds himself in a bit of a jam because he didn’t understand he had to perform with the band.  He only has 30 minutes to work on a new song.  The vocal coach is about ready to stab him because he can’t focus.

Shannon McGrane delivers a descent performance, but her outfit looks like she fell ass backwards into the $1.00 bin at her local Goodwill.  She is wearing what appears to be super short shorts, maybe a satin onsie with a Liza Minnelli glitter top.  Judges are all on their feet over the vocal so she goes through.  Wardrobe will have fun with her.

Reed is still working on his performance and the Idol Associate Music Director steps in for a vocal intervention.  Reed says he doesn’t know if it’s right and he needs to talk to his mom.  After some heavy Lamaze breathing and his pep talk, he takes the stage and decides to play the drums.  DAWG dubs him as another Casey as Reed begins his performance.  The judges are all rocking out and Reed apparently got his groove back.

Skylar Laine is up next and she is hoping to stave off the Idol bug long enough to squeak out her one minute performance.  JHO says she reminds her of Reba McEntire.  Steven says it’s the best performance of the day.  Rachelle Lamb nervously takes her mark and completely forgets her lyrics.  She starts over, but she isn’t sure how she fared.

Last up is Adam Brock and he plans to bring some “white chocolate” to the stage.  He gives a stellar performance.  DAWG asks Adam what the significance of the white handkerchief in his back pocket is.  Adam explains it belonged to his grandfather who passed away and the night before he passed, he told Adam “the show must go on”.  Adam kept it in his pocket and then Steven used it to mop his brow after the jam session.  I don’t think Adam needs any good luck charms.

The judges shuffle around the polaroid photos of the contestants to arrive at their final decisions.  The contestants are split in to the four agonizing groups.  Room one contains many of the heavy favorites, so no surprises here, they are all through.

Room three is another story and there’s a full-blown meow down about to break out because of a burp that Rachelle Lamb lets out.  The tension is high.

Room two gets the news next and they are going through.  They lower the boom on tense Room three, sending them home.  Steven gives them a little pep talk and tells them how he was booed off the stage many times when he first started.  Room four awaits their fate and they are through.

The show hits the road to Vegas for more cuts and appearance from Pegi Blu, the bat shit crazy vocal coach.  JHO announces to the gang that they will be singing music from the 1950’s.  They are all jammed on a bus headed to Sin City.  We are treated to a moment where a girl sitting behind Cowboy tickles his ear and he Steven Segal punches her ass right in the face.  They will be performing on the Viva Elvis stage at the Aria Hotel.  Nothing like shameless plugs for the hotel, and nothing like some of these little cheechako’s showing their naiveté by saying “we will perform on the stage that Elvis performed on.”  OY…a collective OY!

The first group does well on “Dedicated to the One I Love”.  JHO enjoyed the harmonies, Steven and JHO gave the country contestants props for stepping out of their comfort zones.  Coloton, Skylar, and Chase are the only ones through.

Sidebar:  I am not sure what Steven is wearing, but it looks like a metal bow tie or a Christmas decoration.

Some of the younger contestants are up next to sing “Rockin’ Robin”, which was written 30 years before they were born.  They struggled quite a bit in rehearsals, but they tweet it out pretty good.  DAWG delivers the news that they are all through.

Power house Adam Brock leads the next group in “Great Balls of Fire”.  This is a bit of a motley crew and they got stuck with the glitter queen who doesn’t impress me.  JHO thought it was fun and played to everyone’s strength.  DAWG announces one by one that they are all through, but he gives a long dramatic pause before delivering the news to the glitter queen.  Steven tells her “for a skinny girl you don’t have many tail feathers, but you sure shook ‘em, I just had to say that.”  Well Steven, I just had to barf…

The next girl group sings “Why do Fools Fall in Love” and they give a cute performance in their kicky li’l outfits.  Steven has a flashback and recalls “makin’ out to that song”, Steven please keep your personal exploits to yourself.  Schylar and Brielle are the only two going through.

The next group sings “The Night Has a Thousand Eyes” and Reed Grim gives a pretty creepy performance I must say.  DAWG seems to be enjoying it as his head is a bobbin’ and Steven is grinning ear to ear.  They get a standing O from the judges and they all go flying through.

The next up is the only group of two, it’s the Cowboy and Jermaine who are both baritones.  They found themselves the last two misfits that weren’t picked for kick ball, so they got together on “Make it Easy on Yourself”.  They pull it off, DAWG calls them the “brothers righteous” and judges put them both through.

Hallie, Baylie, and Chelsea make it through on “Be My Baby” and closing out the day on “It Doesn’t Matter Anymore” is another group being coached by Peisha McPhee, mother to Katherine McPhee.  Hmmm…wonder how she got this gig?  At any rate, the three take the stage and they get the judges a-rockin’.  DAWG is lovin’ it, Steven praises the Lord, they get a standing O, and Deandre a.k.a. “Milli Vanilli” and the two girls are through.

The judges summon everyone back to the stage and reveal that more cuts may be made at the end of day two, so the contestants who got through on day one may not necessarily be safe.  Now go put a condom on your head because you are being mind-f*cked!

The next group is performing “Jailhouse Rock”, JHO gives a little shimmy, but DAWG looks a bit weary.  After a bit of constructive criticism, only three of the four make it.  Continuing on the Elvis theme is “Hunk a Hunk a Burnin’ Love” an another group is though.  “Blue Suede Shoes” proves to be another success for only two out of the next group of four.

The next group of three decided to forgo rehearsal with the band and the vocal coach and laid down their version of “Keep Me Hangin’ On”.  More constructive criticism and it crashes and burns quickly.  Judges rattle off a ton of technical singing stuff and only two girls make it through.  Jessica is sent home and she’s pretty bitter about it, saying “they aren’t looking for real artists”.  Always a supportive thing to say in front of your fellow group members who did make it through.

Pegi Blu, the vocal coach from hell, is back to torture the contestants.  She is particularly hard on early favorite Lauren Gray.  They take the stage to sing “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow”, but only Wendy and Lauren get through.  Mathene gets his walkin’ papers.

Pegi don’t come to play!Heejun goes up against Pegi Blu and he is a bit scared.  The group will sing “I only Have Eyes for You”, they get JHO singing along and Steven closes his eyes and has visions of waterskiing squirrels.  All four boys make it through and they give props to Pegi and Mary for coaching them.  Heejun turns in to a ball of sobbing mess and he’s so happy to give his family good news.

Groove Sauce is missing one ingredient, Reed, but the show goes on and they perform “Sealed With a Kiss”.  DAWG is bobbin’ his noggin in approval.  Jen Hirsh is a heavy favorite and the boys were good too.  Only three get through and Nick is sent packing.

More cuts still need to be made, one of which is Schyler, Colton’s sister, Barbie Britnee, and JHO’s golden boy Johnny.  I guess Johnny should have been rehearsing instead of hanging out in the hot tub.  We are down to 42 and next week it looks like we zero in on the top 24, finally.

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