It’s a Wrap

Nene pays a visit to Marlo, our resident socialite convict and Nene says she is impressed by Marlo because she gave Kandi and Kim shit about being a Big Mama or dating a Big Papa.  I called that one, she only likes Marlo because they hate on the same people.  Marlo is giving Nene the tour of her condo and they go into her closet so Marlo can flaunt her shoe and handbag collection.  Nene’s comment about Marlo is “When I walk into a room, I own it.  When she walks into a room, she almost owns it.”  Nene can’t help herself, she even has to slam her own sidekick.  Marlo insists on giving Nene one of her Chanel bags, but Miss Nene only accepts lavish, inappropriate gifts from greezy pizza parlor owners.  Nevertheless, Marlo and Nene are instant besties, just add Moscato and watch them grow!  They sit down for a lovely lunch made by Marlo’s chef that she likely hired by the hour just to impress the VERY RICH Ms. Leakes.  Nene starts planting the seeds of her evil plan in order to recruit another mean girl to accompany her on the Africa trip and Marlo bites.  Nene’s plan hatches like rabid sea monkeys and Marlo is totally down for the trip.  She sends her lackey to go pluck $10,000 off her big fat money tree in the back yard.  Nene has her plan cookin’, “talls against the smalls.”  Sidebar:  I give this newfound alliance about a week before something goes horribly awry.

Kim is cookin’ up a plan of her own to lose weight with an intensive wrap that will just melt away all the fat.  It costs $150 and she hopes to instantly lose 5-10 lbs.  Kroy expresses how he thinks it’s totally bunk, but Miss Kim feels droopy and she just needs a pick me up.  She gets measured, marked, and wrapped and the woman wrapping her pays special attention to her ass.  Then Kim has to hop around on a mini-trampoline for an hour.  Brielle is fascinated by it and wants to know if she can get wrapped, by the looks of Brielle in her bikini, she certainly doesn’t need it and when the hell did she get boobs?  Kroy tells her as soon as she’s ready to talk about doing things around the house, she can get a wrap, but the thought of that shuts her up immediately.  Kim Tut is pushing puppy Chanel around in a baby stroller like a moron, but hey, the pounds are melting away.  Kim has lost 10 ½ inches total from her body and she is so excited she wants to order a pizza.

 While all of this nonsensical madness is going on, Kandi arrives at the gym to meet her trainer and he weighs her and drills her about her eating habits.  He about has a stroke when she admits to eating fried food.  She reflects on the Miami trip and all the shit Cynthia and Nene gave her about her thighs.  The trainer takes her outside and puts her through all of these drills, the kind of workouts that will make a person throw up.  Looks like Kim Tut and Kandi have the same approaches to life, Kim wants the fast, easy route and Kandi…well Kandi just works hard.

Cynthia is trying to pack for Africa and she asks Peter for help, but all he wants to do is give her shit about leaving.  Cynthia has been to Africa before, but she was a poor, starving model back then and she didn’t get to see much.  Peter is brooding that his wife is going on their honeymoon with Nene and Cynthia clearly can’t wait to get away from him for 10 days.  Hey, Peter…remember that train you spoke about last week?  How about you ride out on that train you came in on?

Phaedra and Apollo are getting ready for dinner and Phaedra tells him about Marlo’s 7 mug shots.  Phaedra doesn’t like to hang out with people that have long rap sheets, except for her hubby.  She is wary of Marlo now and she is frustrated that Apollo doesn’t seem to give a shit.  Phaedra hopes the Africa trip will give Nene a much needed attitude check and if not, maybe someone will kidnap her in the brush and she will never be seen or heard from again.

Nene and her assistant, Andre, meet up with Marlo to shop for the Africa trip.  Nene admits that she and Marlo are label whores and they are having a great time shopping.  Of course, as Nene’s trusty sidekick, Marlo starts talking about the trip and rips on the other ladies.  Nene goes to pay the bill and much to her chagrin, they have racked up $10,000 worth of merchandise.  She tells them to take back the diamond necklace.  Geez, Nene, this ain’t the damn A&P.

The NFL lockout is over and Kim and Kroy go out for dinner to have a nice evening together before his departure for training camp.  They enjoy a frothy margarita and Kim is excited because she hasn’t had a drink in a year.  They chat about Kroy leaving and Sweetie’s abilities to be an assistant and help with the baby are called into question.  Kim is a bit emotional and they talk about skyping so they can keep in touch, but he tells her there will be no naughty skype.  Kroy tells her that he rigged the security cameras so that he can check up on her remotely from his computer and Kim is a bit creeped out, but he tells her it’s for her own protection.  Meanwhile, back at the Barbie Dream House, Kim’s crew is setting up a surprise for Kroy.  Her parents and Sweetie are lighting about 500 candles, running a bath, and sprinkling rose petals around.  Kim starts banging on the door, but Sweetie is too busy lighting her skirt on fire.  Kim isn’t worried about that so much, but she is pissed off that her surprise for Kroy was botched.  They finally have some alone time in the bathroom, and in walks Kim’s dad.  What the hell is this?  He starts lecturing them about being good and Kim reminds them that psychic Rose did predict another baby.  I don’t know how they can have any quality time after that, but hey, where there’s a Kim there’s a way.

The Smalls are en route to the airport in their separate vehicles.  Kandi says she has a bad feeling about the trip…hmmm…ya’ think?!?!  Ugh…well we made it 47 minutes in before we had to see the likes of She by Shereé, but there she is in her hot pink Forever Lazy.  All the Smalls are looking kinda frumpty-dumpty at the airport while waiting for the Talls.  Phaedra reports that Nene is definitely coming so Kandi wonders how this is going to fly, or not…

Kim and Kroy have their farewell Chick-Fil-A meal as they prepare for his 30-day departure to camp that’s only 40 minutes away.  They are acting like he’s going off to war.  Kim should be happy that he’s at least going to be working again.  How else will she pay for those wraps?  As he pulls away, Kim realizes she is locked out of the Barbie Dream House.  I would venture to guess Sweetie locked her out.  Hell, I would!

Nene rolls up to the airport and they are beyond shocked to see Marlo.  Phaedra looks downright appalled and She by Shereé wonders how Marlo could leave the country being that she is on parole.  Kandi says she “didn’t get that memo”.  Phaedra is clearly annoyed, but she plans to make the best of it…she says “the more the merrier, just a little more spice in the gumbo.”

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