Huggin’ it Out

Welcome back to the ATL.  We begin with Ayden rockin’ a fro-hawk and his grandma doing flash cards making animal noises.  Is it just me or does Ayden look like he’s grown about a year since we’ve seen him last?  Although, he is super baby, his mother was pregnant out of wedlock and lied about how far along she was last season gestation period was only 6 months, so I guess he does grow fast.  Phaedra tries to teach him to make a noise like a pit bull donkey, but he’s not into it.

She is still hoping to start the funeral business so she can throw funerals worth dying for.  Phaedra’s mother is excited because she can serve as the pastor.  Phaedra wants to make her funerals a celebration of life, throw them in the ground “with a bang!”  Still unsure about how Apollo will fit in, Phaedra contemplates if he might want to pick up bodies since he likes to drive fast.  Apparently, he doesn’t drive fast enough or he would have been able to evade the police.

Cynthia and Peter are off to a Salsa dance lesson, but Cynthia is still burnt up about him leaving her agency opening party.  They sit down in a waiting area and start talking about their marriage.  Peter blames it on the fact that they don’t have any fun and the businesses are stressing them out.  Cynthia contends the problem is lack of communication and she is pissed that he didn’t say goodbye.  Peter says he never can say good-bye, oh no no a no no…

Sidebar:  Peter really just needs to stop making excuses and acting like he’s too cool for school.  “I don’t like to say goodbye”, really Peter?  Why don’t you just sack up and admit that you were a total bail whale and you snuck out the back door and left your wife’s party?  I don’t like to say goodbye, don’t give me that shit you douche.

She addresses his anger management issues and tells him it’s not acceptable, but Peter doesn’t think he does any wrong.  He basically tells her that if the train doesn’t stop at her station, it’s not her train.  Cynthia claims she knows what she signed up for, but they need to communicate.  He says “I’m good”, slams a Red Bull, and he ready to DANCE!  They meet the Brazilian dance instructor and she tells them that only one person can lead or it won’t be a partnership, it will be a fight.  Peter sees that as a metaphor for their marriage.  Welcome to Salsa Dancing Marital Counseling.  Talk about multi-tasking.

Kim and Kroy are still settling in at their new home.  She gives Ariana the chore of unpacking the Versace china, she tells her that the kids will inherit the china.  Ariana says that she wants Kim’s money, which is worth quite a chuckle because Kim doesn’t strike me as a saver.  Although I bet that Versace china may be worth quite a bit of coin.  Kim is frustrated with Brielle and starts lecturing her about getting a job.  The day of Kim’s funeral, you will see those two girls at the local pawnshop near you.

Kandi and Li’l Ronnie are on their way to Nashville to jam with Jo Dee Messina.  Kandi admits she is a bit nervous, but Jo Dee welcomes her with open arms and they hug it out.  Jo Dee comments on how tiny Kandi is, but Kandi doesn’t agree.  Really Jo Dee…have you seen that wagon she’s dragin’?  They go into the studio and Kandi is admiring all of the music awards.  Kandi sings her a little ditty and Jo Dee offers her some constructive criticism.  They start collaborating on a song, I think I know what the next song to come out of the “housewives” franchise will be.

Nene is sitting down with Marlo to guzzle Moscato and talk.  Nene is very impressed with Marlo and how she conducted herself at Cynthia’s party.  Let’s call a spade a spade here, Nene only likes Marlo because she said “Big Papa” 85 times at the party and visibly made Kim squirm in her wig and so uncomfortable that she left.

They start talking about Charles Grant and all the rumors about him and Nene dating.  Nene squares it up and says that they had a drink, he’s not her type, and he’s never seen her “hello kitty.”  Oy…a collective oy!  Marlo laughs and Moscato practically comes out of her nose.  Marlo yammers on about what is true or not true on the internet and how it’s tough to date a football player, oh and yea…she’s been arrested seven times.  Now that’s what Willis was talkin’ ‘bout!  Five arrests were just measly little violations of probation, whew!  Glad she cleared that up.  Turns out Marlo did 6 months in county jail for getting into an altercation with a young lady 10 years ago.  Nene is cool with it, at least Marlo is being real and Marlo is getting good energy from Nene.  Nene changes the subject to Loubouton’s and thinks they could be the same size and suggests they go to Nieman’s, and they hug it out.

Just when I thought we could get through an episode without an appearance by She by Shereé, my hopes are dashed.  She by Shereé drops by Kim’s new home to do yoga and help Kim get her body back.  I don’t know why Kim doesn’t just bring in that crazy laser machine to melt away her fat while she eats pizza.  Kim is just bitching the whole time and She by Shereé doesn’t see Kim’s dedication to the workout.  Well if she isn’t into the workout, I am sure she will be into the juice concoction She by Shereé is creating.  She’s juicing kale, carrots, etc. and Kim is frightened by the fresh ginger.  Kim is choking it down, but admits it’s not bad.  Can’t wait until she busts a deuce in her pretty new bathroom and knocks Kroy off his heels.

Phaedra takes Apollo to visit Willie at the funeral home so she can persuade him to get on board with the funeral business.  Phaedra talks about how this is her passion, she is obsessed with the after life and Apollo chimes in and says she loves vampires.  Willie gives them a tour of the embalming room and Apollo looks like he’s ready to take a knee and hork his guts up.

Nene arrives at Captain Planet Foundation Jewelry fundraiser, she looks like she is wearing clear stilts while she is navigating the cobblestone driveway.  Criminal socialite Marlo has invited Nene to the event.  Ted Turner’s daughter, Laura Turner is there and introduces everyone to her father’s girlfriend, Elizabeth Dewberry.  Elizabeth Dupree Lynch is hosting the event and peddling the jewelry.  The ladies commence to peruse the jewelry and blow smoke up each other’s ass.  Nene meets Elizabeth Dupree Lynch and they talk about how tall and beautiful they both are, they hit it off like gangbusters and hug it out.  Nene engages in a conversation with Laura Turner about “going green”.  Nene tells the camera the only way she knows how to “go green” is by taking money to the bank, or screwing Shrek.  Nene says she and Marlo are social chameleons.  They are looking at this insanely expensive jewelry and Marlo settles on a $44,800.00 ring.  Nene is looking at some earrings and Elizabeth is telling her about them. 

Sidebar:  these two are so oblivious to what is going on around them, they end up trapping Ted Turner’s girlfriend in the corner and she literally has to duck, put her arm out like the Heisman trophy, and charge her way out from under them.

Elizabeth asks Nene if she knows the Dali Lama, and Marlo pipes up “the Italian”, wha wha whaaat?  Apparently, prison school systems just aren’t what they used to be.  Elizabeth says “the spiritual Tibetan leader of Tibet…”  and Nene is staring at her like she has three heads.  Nene has no intention of buying anything and Marlo thanks her for coming and they hug it out.

Apollo shows up to surprise Phaedra at work with some pink roses.  He broaches the subject of the funeral business and he’s leery of working with the spirits and souls.  Phaedra tells him there is no need to worry, they are “gonna put the boom in the tomb!”  Phaedra basically wants Apollo to use his charm to upsell caskets.  They do a little role-play so she can see his mad skills and she is convinced they are going to make it big, and they hug it out.

Cynthia and Peter go to see Pastor Pollard, who married them.  Cynthia discusses the communication problem.  Pastor Pollard tells them “we effectively communicate or we detrimentally disintegrate”.  Okay Pastor Pollard, pullin’ some Gary Busey action on us!  Cynthia tries to make a point about trying new things and essentially calls Peter a dinosaur.  Peter takes offense and Pastor asks them to tell each other what they love about one another.  Cynthia loves Peter’s strength, intelligence, his wisdom, his ideas, and his initiative.  Peter tells her that the reason they are there is about the stuff they don’t like about each other.  Cynthia presses him to answer the question and he just stares at her.  Pollard tries to make a save, then Peter finally speaks up.  He loves to look at her, it makes his day better, he loves her commitment to the marriage.  Weak Peter, weak.  Basically, Peter said he loves Cynthia because she’s hot, having a hot wife boosts his ego, and she puts up with his bullshit.  Way to go Peter, welcome to splitsville…population YOU!  Cynthia feels like he is taking steps in the right direction and they leave.  I swear if dumb was dirt, Cynthia could cover 5 acres.  Nevertheless, she is beautiful, I will give her that.  Outside in the parking lot, they talk about following through and they both need to do a lot of work, annnnnnnd…they hug it out.

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