Pump Your Brakes

She by Shereé arrives to see Phaedra “Pit Bull” Parks to discuss the hearing with Bob.  She by Shereé is upset and felt the judge was on Bob’s side, to which Phaedra replies “the law is technical…”  Haha, that answer is so Phaedra.  She by Shereé is second guessing her motives now that she realizes Bob may not owe her that much Jimmy Choo child support after all is said and done.  Phaedra quickly jumps at the opportunity to put She by Shereé on blast about the fact that she made it sound to Kandi at dinner the other night that Phaedra didn’t do her job.  Phaedra explains she has been diligent and done what she has supposed to do.  She by Shereé is smirking as if she knows better.  I pretty much called this last week, Phaedra explains to her that she didn’t receive the retainer until 3:30 p.m. the day before the case.  So, She by Shereé is pissed that Phaedra didn’t comp her services and blames Phaedra for not asking for the retainer sooner.  Phaedra isn’t going to argue and she basically tells She by Shereé that they should not work together, they should see other people, and it’s not you, it’s me.

Kim and Kroy are waiting for their decorator, Kendra, to come by and discuss the plans for the new house.  Kim isn’t sparing any expense and she needs Kendra to go through 4 storage units, Kroy’s house, and the current house, then decorate the 17,000 square foot house, all within a week.  Kendra says it’s a 3 month job, but sleep is for sissies and she’ll get it done.  Kendra’s asshole is sweating like it’s being paid to.

Cynthia has invited the ladies to an art gallery opening.  She by Shereé says she loves art, but above all, she loves clothes, shoes, handbags, and child support money.  Marlo arrives and Kandi tells the story about how Marlo got her money.  Marlo approaches the confab and Kandi point blank puts it out there and presses for an answer about how Marlo makes money.  Kandi says to the camera that Marlo tells her that she’s always been good with money, she doesn’t blow her money, but the question is does she blow for money?  Cut back to the scene and Marlo says she’s always dated wealthy men and received a monthly allowance.  So to answer Kandi’s question, yes…Marlo does blow for money.  Maybe Marlo can use that monthly allowance and buy the painting in the gallery that says “Who invited all these tacky people?”

Cynthia and Peter are getting ready for a “power couple” photo shoot at Bar One.  She shows Peter her invitation to the Bailey Agency opening party and Peter rides her like a rodeo pig over the fact that she didn’t get them mailed in time.  He walks away and starts browbeating the help.  Cynthia is asking Peter to help her with the invitations and he keeps arguing with her.  Jeez, who lit the fuse on his manpon?

Kim is micro-managing supervising the moving men.  Kim’s dad asks about the wigs and Kim explains that they are going with her in the car and in a seat belt.  She loves her babies wigs, Sierra, Farrah, Dolly, Deborah, and Candy.  They are really very well behaved in the car.


Kim and the girls reflect on the wall in the kitchen where they allowed all their guests to write things.  We take a short journey down memory lane and see many of Kim’s low-lights, socializing with friends, drinking, smoking, the dip in the lady pond with DJ Tracy Young, drinking, smoking, the skinny laser treatment, drinking, smoking, and eating pizza, Nene’s impersonation of Kim at the wig party, drinking and smoking, and the birth of Tardy for the Party.

Kandi sits down with her manager Don Juan to discuss where they are going next with her music.  Kandi is looking a bit “Holly Hobby” in her green jumper.  Don Juan urges her to move away from the “non-profit” projects.  That’s his politically correct way of saying “stop helping dumb ho’s.”  We reflect on the singing experience with Kim.  Kandi does want to write songs for other singers and our li’l Kandi wants to go Kountry!  Kandi wants to conquer the entertainment world from every facet, she wants to be on the cover of Maxim and grace the walls of jail cells.  Don Juan says “Hell to the no dot com, you off da’ hook!”  I am not sure that is really a lofty goal, to grace the walls of jail cells, but whatever blows your Holly Hobby skirt up.

Decorator Kendra is whipping her team of boy bitches in order to get Kim and Kroy’s new pad up to snuff.  Kim-n-crew arrive and are in love with their new home, Kim’s glamour shots are all over the house.  Kroy loves the “rock star” nursery and the girls love their bedrooms.  Kim is living the dream and Kroy hopes they don’t have to move in a year depending upon his career.

Kandi is Skyping with Jo Dee Messina, one of the country singers Kandi aspires to write for.  Li’l Ronnie joins the conversation and he recently wrote for American Idol winner, Scotty McCreary.  Kandi plays a sample of a song called “Vindictive” for Jo Dee, but she tells Kandi it’s not really her cup of tea.  She doesn’t do ballads so much.  But Kandi gets some good notes from Jo Dee and they plan to head to Nashville and work on some songs.  Li’l Ronnie tells Kandi that country really needs more of her “man bashing” songs.

Cynthia is getting her hair and makeup done for her opening party.  She is shaking like a dog shitting peach pits and fears no one will show up.  She tells the camera that “typically people don’t look at models like they’re smart people or even good business peeper.”  Yes, she said “peeper”.  Wow…anyhoo, maybe Cynthia needs a Speak-N-Spell for Christmas!  Malorie arrives and starts pressing Cynthia about what’s wrong until Cynthia has a mini-meltdown.  She cries a bit and ruins her makeup to the point where the makeup artist basically has to intervene and tell her to keep it cute and put it on mute.

They arrive at the Bailey Agency, and people are there enjoying the festivities and Cynthia’s breakdown was all for naught.  The Bailey Agency School of Fashion is off to a roaring start.  Malorie is yammering on to their brother Thomas, that Peter is only here now for the fun part and he didn’t do any of the hard work.  Peter and Cynthia are posing for pictures on the step-n-repeat and he gives her props for making her dream come to life.  Seemingly so supportive…

Phaedra and Apollo arrive and Phaedra is wearing some Herve Leger white dominatrix dress that looks like it’s crushing her lungs.  Marlo comes running over by Phaedra for a photo op and they discuss etiquette for going commando.  Wow, talk about a meeting of the hinds.  She by Shereé arrives and immediately starts harping about the lack of air conditioning.  Kim and Kroy show up and while Kim is excited to get out, she doesn’t want to tangle with Moose Nene.  Marlo is all over them and Kim tells the camera that all she has heard about Marlo is that “she sleeps with wealthy men and they give her money and buy her things, who does that?!?”  I have to trust that Kim is:

A)       Being sarcastic and making fun of herself because she has done that!

B)       Dumber than a doorknob.

C)       A victim of severe, horrifying amnesia.

D)       All of the above.

Nene arrives and hugs Cynthia and a man dressed like a drag queen version of Elvis is giving Nene the once over.  Marlo is asking Kim how she feels about Nene, way to stir the shit stew, Marlo.  However, Kim maintains her composure.  The main event turns to Marlo and Kandi.  She goes after Kandi about giving her…ahem… “the fifty degree”…(can we get a Speak-N-Spell over here…STAT!) and Marlo puts Kandi on blast for saying she had a “big papa”.  Kim gets a confused look and takes another off-camera slam on Marlo, basically calling her a prostitution whhhoooah.  Kandi and Marlo get into it like two dogs scrappin’ for the same T-Bone.  Marlo says she heard Kandi is a “big mama” and she takes care of men.  What the balls?  The look on Kim’s face is priceless, she is about to shit a brick, sideways.  Kandi is trying to lay it straight and Marlo keeps talking about her wealthy men, her allowance and says she never dated a “big papa.”  Nene is laughing her ass off in the background because the phrase “big papa” being thrown around is making Kim really uncomfortable.  It keeps escalating and Kim decides to take her brokedown weave and leave, she gives Kandi a hug and Kandi says “that was BULLSHIT!”  While Kim is at home pumping her breasts, Marlo needs to work on pumping her brakes.  But whatever you do…Don’t pump and drive!

Marcus the event planner calls everyone’s attention to the stage to introduce Cynthia.  She calls up Malorie to give her props and then she calls her mother up, aaaaaaaand then Peter…who is MIA.  MIA…WTF?  Everyone is looking around and it’s totally awkward.  Peter has split and Cynthia is totally pissed.  I think Kandi could write a country song about it, “Stand by your Model.”

So the real fight card tonight was Kandi vs. Marlo, the promos always get it twisted.  On a scale of one to Phaedra, I give the fight a 6.  They are just getting warmed up.  The girls of the ATL will be back January 8th to ring in the new year with more drama!


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