Baby Shower Blowout

We open this week with She by Shereé and she is checking up on the demolition of the old house on the lot where she plans to build a new home.  She struts up to the project manager, Andrew, in her 7” heels and leopard onesie and they review the progress.  She by Shereé is in awe of the old bathroom fixtures and Andrew says “that’s 1975 architecture” and She by Shereé says…ahem… “Oh I was barely born then!”  I am not sure what “barely born” means, but I have a feeling Miss She by Shereé was well into her toddler years by 1974.  I think “barely born” is pushing it, but whatever blows your weave out!

They start talking about “Chateau Shereé” and she is boasting about having a library even though she doesn’t like to read.  She is focusing on the “necessities”, such as a ballroom, skating rink, gym, massage area, lounge, a D.J. area, and a theater.  Only the necessities.  Andrew tells her it takes about one month to build approx. 1,000 square feet and it will be 8 months before it’s complete, so add on about 6 months to that She by Shereé.  Looks like you will be holing up in that pup-tent for a while longer.  The new house will be so great, she can host fabulous parties and intentionally leave Nene off the guest list again.

Phaedra is preparing breakfast for her family and she and Apollo are squabbling over the fact that Phaedra coddles the baby and Apollo is the stern one.  Apparently Apollo is a wee bit on edge because he is the center of gossip due to being recently pulled over and beaten up by the police.  Apollo is totally pissed off that Phaedra didn’t have his back and get his side of the story before jumping to conclusions about what she heard.  Phaedra tells him she will take up with him anytime he needs her to, but he is still frustrated because everything is an issue because of his checkered past and he doesn’t want to have to fight with her too.  I guess he should’ve thought of that before he engaged in theft and racketeering.

Peter and Cynthia are at home and Cynthia is bossing Peter around while he makes dinner and her baby’s daddy, Leon, shows up for a visit.  Apparently, Leon and Peter are “bro’s” and they start chatting about how Peter is going back into the bar bidness.  Leon asks about how things are going with the Bailey clan, considering that Cynthia’s mother and sister tried to sabotage their own wedding by pretending they didn’t have the marriage license with them.  Leon tries to give Peter some words of advice considering he has more experience in the “Cynthia Bailey Bidness.”  Bro’s before Ho’s my man…Bro’s before Ho’s.

She by Shereé is walking to a table outside to meet Kim for lunch.  She has 7” heels on and she is sinking into the stones in the outside area.  It’s actually kind of funny watching She by Shereé struggle in her shoes.  Kim is sitting comfortably in her flats and she is ready to talk baby shower.  She invited 130 people to the shower and she is having it for Kroy’s benefit since it’s his first baby.  Kim is moving into a 17,000 square foot house and She by Shereé tells Kim about her demolition and future new house.  Neither one of them like “used” houses.  I sure hope someone in Atlanta likes “used” houses, because I am sure both of their homes will eventually go into foreclosure.  Why on earth anyone would need a house that big with all of those amenities is beyond me.  Sure, it would be nice, but it’s really not practical for the long haul.  Unless Bravo is paying them “Jersey Shore” type salaries, these ATL ladies should pinch their pennies, this gig won’t last forever!

Nene is helping Brent get ready to go stay with Greg for a few days.  She inspects the contents of his miniature Louis Vuitton rolly bag.  Brent is none too pleased that his parents are split up, but Nene gives her best effort at explaining it to him.  She is optimistic that it might work out and she won’t use the “D-Word” (the D-Word is “Dickly”, which Nene is strictly).  Greg arrives and he has some awkward small talk with Nene and she asks him about going on dates.  Greg says he hasn’t been on any and asks her the same and she avoids the question.

Phaedra and Kandi go shopping for Kim’s baby shower and Phaedra wants to find some trendy products for Miss Kim.  They pick out the “mother tucker” and “hooter hiders”.  Kandi finds some stuffed toys and starts pretending one is the monkey with a wig on and the other a big moose.  She plays around as if they are Kim and Nene and they are going to scrap.  Kandi asks Phaedra about what is going on with Apollo, but Phaedra doesn’t want to discuss it.  So Kandi moves on to the next sensitive subject, which is Cynthia.  Phaedra says that Peter gave an interview to a magazine and talked shit about everybody except for Kandi.  Phaedra says he is entitled to his opinion, which is like an anus, we all have one.  She left off the end of that saying… “and they all stink!”  Kandi explains that Cynthia and Peter were offended about a comment Phaedra made about wanting a “clean man” that didn’t have a bunch of children.  Peter has five kids and in that moment Phaedra had really stuck her foot in her mouth.  Phaedra tells Kandi “how was I supposed to know that man had a village of children?  I didn’t know he was the old man in da’ shoe!”  Phaedra continues to say mean things about Peter, but I gotta hand it to her, she is funny.  She rounds it out by calling Peter “Papa Smurf” and “Uncle Ben”.

Kim and her clan are getting ready for the baby shower and Kroy is painting Ariana’s fingernails, it’s actually quite cute.  Kim’s makeup artist sets the makeup gun to “prostitution whoo-ahh” and they are ready to roll.  The scene wouldn’t be complete without Kim yelling “Damn, I am so good lookin’!”  They arrive at the shower and it looks like a wedding reception, it’s totally over the top.  We get to see Kim’s mother, Karen, and her father, good ol’ Joe is back.  We first met Joe at Kim’s yard sale in the parking lot where he sold off all of her valuable furniture for circus peanuts.

Kandi hadn’t really been in touch with Kim during her pregnancy, so there is a bit of tension between them.  Sidebar:  I am not sure what is going on with Kandi’s style.  She used to be so hip, cool, and edgy and now she is dressing and doing her hair like a grade school principal.  Phaedra arrives and admires the festivities, but she points out how Kim was the first to criticize Phaedra’s baby shower and say that it should have been bar-b-que, strippers, and beer.  On a scale of one to Phaedra, she gives it a 5.  Joe approaches Phaedra and basically tries to sell himself to her and ask for a job.  Phaedra is visibly annoyed.

Lawrence and She by Shereé are en route to the shower and they are all decked out and can’t wait to get some food.  Lawrence steps out in his 7” heels and leopard onesie that he borrowed from She by Shereé.  Kim’s daughter, Brielle, gives a quick toast to Kim and Kroy and she says some very nice words about their relationship and how much they love Kroy and she thanks him for knocking up her mom.  All the ladies have great things to say about Kroy and feel that he is very good for Kim.

Lawrence and the girls are chowing down on some short ribs and they start talking trash about Cynthia.  They are not fans because Cynthia is “up Nene’s ass” and because of what Peter said in the magazine article.  They figure that Cynthia and Peter probably aren’t coming anyway because the event is about over and Nene wasn’t invited.  However, they do show up about 5 hours late and don’t bring a present.  She by Shereé says that Nene must have “let her puppy off the leash for the night.”  DAMN!

Kim is completely exhausted and steps outside to smoke get some air.  Peter touts his new bar and how he will invite everyone to the grand opening.  Phaedra pounces with a comment about how she won’t be invited because Peter doesn’t like her.  They start talking about the magazine interview and the comments Peter made.  It goes off the rails quickly, She by Shereé says that he can say she’s “not cute”, but she doesn’t think it’s cute to borrow money from your wife.  DAMN!  Peter goes after Apollo like a prison bitch and brings up the recent gossip about the police beating.  Apollo takes the bait and counters with “get your money right!”  They jump up and have words, but what surprises me is that Cynthia is letting Peter carry on.  I understand that he is his own person, but I would be embarrassed and at least attempt to get him to shut his pie hole.  Everyone is staring at them and She by Shereé says Peter is like Nene, “all bark and no bite”.  Kim is all upset about this because the day had been so nice and now these two dunk tank clowns decide to scrap.  However, Phaedra is proud of her hunky convict because he is not on parole anymore and he could have beaten the ever lovin’ shit outta Peter.  I’m sure Apollo learned some mad fightin’ skills in Walker State Prison and you gotta love Phaedra, always finding the bright side of any situation.

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