Simon Who?

Well our new season of American Idol began last week and let me say that while I will miss Simon’s sharp, biting wit, there’s a whole new kinda crazy in town, none other than the Demon of Screamin’ himself…Mr. Steven Tyler.

For those of you who know me, Aerosmith is my favorite rock band and I have seen them in concert more times than Steven has fallen off the stage.  I’ve seen him in many interviews and he has always been funny, but thank God he finally stopped snorting Lunesta long enough to get this gig because his one-liners during this first week of auditions were on-point and priceless.

I normally don’t start re-capping until we have our contestants firmed up and we know them by name and can critique individual performances, but I thought I would touch on a few of the week one audition highlights.

Of course we start with the slo-mo, pro-mo in the beginning of the show, where they all walk together, in slow motion, hair blowing, (well except for Randy).  Yes, we know you are all cooler than shit and this American Idol machine has really taken off, we get it, let’s start the freak-show already.

There was a brief montage of the judges, talking, interacting, judging, etc. and apparently at one point Steven uttered to a contestant “Well hell fire, save matches, f*ck a duck and see what hatches.”  If this is any indication on what he will bring to this show, well I can sit still for that.

They start in New Jersey, where current offerings on reality television would have you believe that everyone in Jersey is crazier than a bag of bats.

There were a few very funny auditions worth mentioning:

1.  The guy who looks like he makes the keys at the hardware store

He sang “Proud Mary” and Steven says “Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?”  Okay, again busting out laughing.  Then the guy attempts another song at a “higher level” as American Idol requires and Steven’s response:  “What we have here is a failure to communicate.”  This guy is television gold.  The only thing that could have made it even more delicious is if he had whipped off his bi-focals as he said it.

2.  Yoji Pop

What in the hot holy hell is this kid?  He tells JHo that he’s been impersonating Michael Jackson since he was in the womb, but that he would rather do his version of “Party in the USA”.  Then looking like a deranged nail-tech from Vegas, he breaks into these dance moves that look like Japanese animation.  JHo is laughing so hard she starts bouncing in her chair like a little girl who just got her first Barbie for Christmas.

3.  The Mick Jagger look alike that insisted he looked more like Steven

This boy looked a lot like Mick, but insisted that he gets “mistaken” for Steven all the time and actually won a look alike contest.  Ok whatever…so what is he going to sing…hmmm….what would be a likely choice?  LADY GA GA “Bad Romance.”  It was like watching an animal being tortured.

JHo is too easy on the contestants because she can’t say “No” to crazy.  Randy “The Dawg” is just throwing his arms in the air yelling “What is this show?”  For Steven, the crazier they are, the better.  Overall, they have been letting too many undeserving contestants through.  It seems as if they cry or have a sob story they get the ticket.  They are going to need to toughen up and be more selective.

Clearly, Cowell the gatekeeper is gone.  He’s off somewhere else being snarky and picking out sweaters at the Baby Gap.

Oh, here go hell come!


One thought on “Simon Who?

  1. I watched most of the first night and LOL when I read your recap! I so look forward to this new American Idol with your commentary to enhance the experience…

    Keep it coming!

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