Sidebar: If you happen to receive the BFOWN (Big Fat Oprah Winfrey Network – All Oprah…All the time!), check out the Master Class with Simon Cowell. His story is rather interesting and it explains a lot about why he is the way he is. His brutal honesty has been revolutionary and when you see where he came from and how he got where he is today, it will amaze you. While we miss our main man Cowell, he knew when to get out while the gettin’ was good.
Sidebar 2: We have to give a shout out to Chris Medina and his girlfriend. The Chicago native that has restored our faith in humanity. What a good guy.
Okay…on to the madness.
We were in Nashville the other night, which claims the most successful American Idol winner to date, Carrie Underwood. Talk about big shoes to fill…Let’s begin.
Nuttin’ like a little delusion with your dental hygienist
Just listening to this chick’s speaking voice tells me this is a disaster of epic proportion waiting to happen. She is making sound like a dolphin and then she breaks into this tone that only a dog can hear. I shit you not…Bluto looked at the TV and cocked his head to the side as if to say “what in the fu*kery is this hot ass mess?”
Randy is massaging his head to see if he can wear away the nerves that allow him to hear. This chick is seven kinds of crazy and she actually thinks that Steven gave her a “yes” when he clearly said “NO”. OHRS (Our Host, Ryan Seabiscuit) questions her about the alleged “yes” and says “Hmm…I missed that scene.” I think our dental hygienist has been hittin’ da’ gas a wee bit too hard.
Okay, I cannot really tell if the guy is a “little person” or if he’s just vertically challenged, but he is so cute, I just wanna put him in my pocket. They were a couple, broke up, still live together, dating other people, her boyfriend is waiting outside, blah blah blah…I thought Melrose Place went off the air years ago. Anyway, they are both very good singers and sound good together. Will be interesting to see how they fare in the competition.
The Biker with an unusually good natured personality
Allen “the Warrior” Lewis is a hard-core biker, tattoo laden, disaster…with such a good natured personality, “We’re all just who we are” he says…well Captain Obvious…go home and keep practicing, or don’t.
Miss Tennessee USA
Her name is Stormy…really…maybe she styled Donald Trump’s hair. She is passable, but she will get swallowed up in the comp, fo sho.
He is so terrible and our Dawg asks “what kinda joke is this?”. He leaves and starts sobbing on the shoulder of OHRS. He is sobbing so hard I think he throws up a bit in his mouth…twice. Poor OHRS…there just isn’t enough Lysol in the universe.
Jackie Wilson Said…
It would have been great if she broke out into that Van Morrison song, but she is very good, one to watch, but what’s up with the ol’ man boyfriend she has? He looks like he could be her father. Hey, I like me some silver fox, but that was just a bit odd.
OMFG…she’s in a K-Mart formal dress and she brings one CD to “share” with the judges. Hmm…she must have run out of Avery CD labels. If you want to know what a hyena sounds like when it OD’s on lentils and farts into a fan…well that’s our girl Latoya. Randy breaks into his own rendition of “Psycho” music and the cracky ho leaves, still singing! Dawg says “still a NO.”
Deliverance Boy, Matt Dillard
All right…seriously…he has a nice story, but really who wears around a wife beater under overalls? He looks like he has a hunch back, but that could be a mic pac. I will be interested to see him get further in the comp just to see the makeover. I bet dey can hoze him down an’ he’ll clean up reeeel nice.
This girl blew it out da’ box. Steven said “I think we found the one.” Prediction, she wins the whole kit-n-kaboodle.
See ya’ next week at the Rodeo in Austin.